Things That Keep Me Up At Night :: Comedy Open Mic 15
The usual things that keep people up at night (cars, animals, other people, any of the aforementioned when involved in sexual activity, music, thunderstorms) don't really bother me, what does keep me woke though, are my own thoughts.
Do you ever get flashbacks?
Not like fond memories popping into your head, but involuntary memories erupting from the back of your conscious where you tried so hard to stow them away.
Every so often I'll spend a night squirming in my sheets as I remember all the embarrassing shit I've done throughout the course of my life.
The Hug
In primary (first) school, I was in love. I bet you're cringing already. I'd spent a day a week for the whole year in the after-school club with her. Back then, kids didn't have phones and I was too awkward to talk to her in front of her friends. Cringe. So, I relied on her coming to this after-school club as my only chance to talk to her. We'd gotten pretty close (nothing to do with the fact that I had no competition). But I never had the balls to ask her out. So anyway, it got to the last day of primary before a long summer and then we'd move to secondary (high) school, where I wouldn't stand a chance, and I'd still not made any progress, I felt nothing but disappointment in myself.
But then, I heard her from behind me.
"Give me a hug goodbye!"
Oh golly gosh, it was finally happening!
I turned around and spread my arms wide! She pranced toward me with a sparkle in her eye. This would be the moment we tell our grandkids about. I closed my eyes and prepared for her loving embrace.
"Not you."
She said as she walked straight past me.
I turn around to see her hugging a tiny three-year-old.
I locked eyes with this underage undercutter and at that moment, I knew his game.
I didn't know how to feel. He must've been what? 2 foot tall?! He didn't even know his alphabet yet for crying out loud! What did he have that I didn't?
After that flashback, I get led into a highschool flashback where, in at least three lessons, she's sat next to me and I'm too embarrassed to even look in her direction for the entire bloody year.
So there you have it
That's why I don't sleep at night sometimes.
I have flashbacks of other things too, but they aren't really funny as much as they are painfully embarrassing. I wouldn't wanna put you guys through that. At least, not all in one post.
tell her you will upvote her for sexual favours.
Maybe when I'm a steem millionaire 😏
If you can not get rid of your mind for someone, then remove your awareness with a bottle of vodka.
And you will sleep soundly
Ha ha
Great advice, however, I'm afraid I'd be an alcoholic.
You drink the vodka and discard the alcohol.
Lol
Wow, sad story bro, did you see her again lately. Maybe the opportunity for a hug is still there.
Got no stories like this, but i remember dreams about being in hospital. Recurring theme, just in hospital, no details about being sick or something.
I see it as funny now, everything a learning experience. I think I'm just a very reflective guy so I can't help but kink of things from the past (both good and bad).
Maybe it was a subconscious sign you were worried about your health or something? Usually, those recurring ones have some sort of meaning.
Pretty unsure, my dad told long time ago, that i had some problems with a beck break
could be worse. Could have hugged her anyway.
😂😂, maybe she was into shorter guys
😂 maybe she was into younger guys too.
You need to find her now and give her that hug...and you need to take a camera crew with you and film it...and then submit that to comedyopenmic.
Gets peppersprayed on livestream.
perfect ending.
Yesternite, I alighted from a moving bus just because a pretty girl did. She was going to the ATM and suddenly, I too was. I still ended up not striking even a "hello". The only thing I achieved was me withdrawing N3,000 I never needed in the first place.
Cheer up. Some of us still got the suck-hard game in ways you cant imagine.
That's almost impressive.. were you near your stop at all?
half way. that should make me half-dumb.
I onced walked a 15 minutes journey in 30 minutes all because I couldn't overtake the lady ahead of me, it was obvious the universe gave her that ass to slow me down and I didn't want to fight my destiny
I will give you the same advice I give all young heartbroken guys. You have to stalk her. Follow her everywhere and take pictures. Good luck.
That would be the most awkward thing to explain if I got caught.
Why are you stalking me? I haven't even seen you years.
I, erm, had a crush on you nearly a decade ago..?
Besides, old timer, Facebook might not be good for much but it makes stalking a hell of a lot less creepy.
I relate to this a lot...
Oooh your heart must’ve been crushed when it was the other guy she hugged instead of you. I would’ve made some excuse to turn down the awkwardness and just say it’s free hug day 😂.
Well, it wasn't another guy, it was a cute kid from first grade hahaha, that eased the pain a little. But you can imagine my face when she said "not you" lol. Your idea was far better than mine which was to just walk home. I don't think on my feet. And let's be fair, at the time I was an awkward kid just hitting puberty, like what can you really expect?
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