Mr. Scruffles and the Cheetah by @simgirl

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Thank you to @dandesign86 for creating this logo for us!

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This is my entry for the Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest - Round 17, hosted by @comedyopenmic.

I was encouraged by @linnyplant to join the Comedy Open Mic contest this week, and I am a little nervous because I read that she will be one of the judges.

@carrieallen and @chrisroberts began a series about animals and how we perceive their natural actions to suck when they are just doing what they do. I mentioned cats suck as an idea for the storyline during Friday night’s Steemstar After Dark show, and @linnyplant suggested I write about it and enter the contest.

The skit I wrote does emphasis that cats do things that suck, but I didn’t go there with the story. Instead I created a story about an older cat showing around a new kitten in the house of a cat lady.

Since Steemstar After Dark has also been reading a story about a group of elderly cat ladies, I decided these cats would belong to the most colorful of the cat ladies, Agnus. I then set the time when the cat ladies were away for a trip to the Monster truck rally.

It is very cute, and I hope it can get a few laughs. Some of the references are from the first three episodes of the “The Cat Ladies” written by @chrisroberts and will be better received by people who know the “Cat Ladies” story. If you would like to read them check out these google doc links:

EPISODE 1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TQIwS8zWZXYZC_xIYAx0kK2R7Z0Avevmrvjh1zTiMSE/edit?usp=sharing

EPISODE 2
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1t-Nbm4u-7YXAwYhlu7fpQjyHirqyWIwANFJDBdolohU/edit?usp=sharing

EPISODE 3
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11u_MqzlPSIcDvgN0f_SyCPjyhdj1r4xJLRiR4oBq1EE/edit?usp=sharing

I would like to nominate @carrieallen and @snook to write for the Comedy Open Mic Contest.

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Steemstar After Dark is still in need of funny scripts from writers in the Steemit community. You can hear this skit read live on the show next Friday (God Willing). Check out 😎Steemstar After Dark😎 - E7 - SHOW Archive - June 8, 2018

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Mr. Scruffles and the Cheetah by @simgirl

Cast:
Mr. Scruffles- Older cat that has been living at Agnus’ house for a few years.
Cheetah- New kitten to the house.

Set inside the house of Agnus the Cat Lady.

Mr. Scruffles
So, you’re the new kitten huh? I’m Mr. Scruffles.

Cheetah
Yep, they call me Cheetah. That means I’m fierce. Roar!

Mr. Scruffles
Whoa little man, don’t get too frisky. That’s rule number one.

Cheetah
What do you mean? I love to roll around and swat at anything. Wham wham I’m Cheetah. Roar!

Mr. Scruffles
And that is a bread tie.

Cheetah
Cool I like bread ties!

Mr. Scruffles
Rule number two is don’t touch my stuff. And, it’s all my stuff.

Cheetah rolls on his back and begins swatting at Chester’s tail.

Mr. Scruffles pulls his tail away.

Mr. Scruffles
Especially don’t touch me. That’s rule number three.

Cheetah
Your rules are so boring. The cats in the shelter said I was going to the best home around. They said Agnus was the nicest of the cat ladies.

Mr. Scruffles
I would have to agree. She doesn’t dress us up in silly outfits like her friends. But she does shiver every time I bring her the fingers. Anyways, let me show you around the place.

Cheetah
Whoo-hoo I can’t wait. Should I follow you, or run real fast a head of you then stop, and then run back, and then do it again?

Mr. Scruffles
Lord, you are so annoying.

Cheetah
No, I’m Cheetah. Roar!

Mr. Scruffles
Ah. What did I say about touching me? We can go in this room to poop and pee. Agnus is gone for a trip, so she filled the tub up as a litter box.

Cheetah
Ahhhhhhhhhh finally. I have been holding this since I got here.

Mr. Scruffles
You don’t have to fling the rocks everywhere…

Cheetah
Wow. This is fun. And deep… I could dig and dig.

Mr. Scruffles
Let’s move on.

Cheetah
Okay. Do I just fling the rocks off my feet or? Never mind, I’m sure it will come off as I run!

Mr. Scruffles
The other cats around here pretty much keep to themselves. You may want to leave General Whiskers alone. He’s old and cranky but doesn’t leave the kitchen much these days. You can sunbathe on the window sills, bathe on the counters, and sleep anywhere you can fit.

Cheetah
Sounds great! There sure are a lot of cats living here… by the way I heard there was a room full of toys in this house. Is that true?

Mr. Scruffles
Yes, but I’ll save that for last.

Cheetah
Yes! I knew it was true!!

Mr. Scruffles
This is what Agnus calls the living room. She and her friends gather here and show each other pictures. Be prepared to have your picture taken a lot when she gets home.

Cheetah
What’s a picture?

Mr. Scruffles
I have no idea. But it keeps Agnus entertained and she must have them, so don’t even fight it. I just lay down and pretend to sleep. The shelves in this room are the best for naps. If something is on the shelf, just knock it off.

Cheetah
I sure do love to nap!

Mr. Scruffles
There are also cat beds, but none of us use them.

Cheetah
Cool.

Mr. Scruffles
Over here is the kitchen. This is where we eat. If you see any of the bowls low on food after dark just start meowing loudly. This will alert the others who will join in and wake Agnus. She’ll get up and feed us before we starve to death.

Cheetah
(speaking with food in his mouth)
Oh, this is good food. Much better than the stuff I had to eat at the shelter.

Mr. Scruffles
Oh yes, Agnus buys us the best food. You really did come to a wonderful home. When she wakes up in the morning, be sure to rub up against her legs, or else she will not notice you are there, or that you are hungry.

Cheetah
Got it! Can we go see the toys now?

Mr. Scruffles
Sure. They are in the room at the end of the hallway. The hallway makes a great track to run back and forth. Most of us like to race in the middle of the night. When you are bigger you can compete in the 3-loop challenge. The winner gets a bag of catnip all to themselves.

Cheetah
Sounds awesome!

Mr. Scruffles
Here it is the toy room. I’m sure this room will be where you spend most of your time…

Cheetah
Oh boy! I want to play with this mouse, and then with this string. Oh, look it’s a tower! I’m so going to climb to the top. And then, I can jump. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Mr. Scruffles
Okay, Cheetah. I’m off for a nap. Enjoy your new home.

Cheetah
Oh, I will Mr. Scruffles. Thanks for the tour. I’ll see you around. I’m Cheetah, roar!

Mr. Scruffles
Not if I can avoid it. (Yawns.)

The End

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Thanks for Reading!

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Thanks to @snook for this super cool gif!