How I Broke The Bed(It is not how you think it is.) Part 2 [Comedy Open Mic Round #9]

in comedyopenmic •  7 months ago

So I broke the bed. This is the second part of the story. You can read the first part here.

It is important that you read the first part otherwise you wouldn't get this. Go and read that. I'll wait.

Done already? Great! Lets move on to the next part.


There was a knock on the door. It was either the landlady or a guy from the third room. But with my luck so far, it had to be the landlady.

The problem with opening the door is that the first thing you see when you open it is my bed.

BED.jpg
I don't have great ms paint skills

The bed is still broken. It didn't magically repair itself. That doesn't happen in real life.

Time is running out. I have to do something in the next 10 seconds. Each second feels like a minute(thanks Einstein). I'm sweating like an athlete after a 10 mile marathon.

Just when a drop of sweat was descending from my neck to my lower back and was about to enter my butt crack, I had a eureka moment.

insert lightbulb.gif here

We had recently drunk a 2L pepsi or coke or something like that and the empty bottle was still lying around.

I took the bottle and put in right in the edge where the plank broke and surprisingly, the height of the bottle was nearly the same as the legs of the bed.

But that wasn't enough. So I pulled the bed sheet so that it was dangling from the edge and was almost touching the floor.

There was another knock.

That was it. In the last moment I pulled my chair(it was a cheap plastic chair with holes in it) and positioned it between the door and the bed.

I went ahead to open the door. The room was dead silent. The only sound was my flip flops slapping the floor.

It was a double door so I opened one side and stretched my head out of it such that my upper body was outside the room and my lower body still inside. Think of my upper body as a turtle's head. It looked like a turtle's head jeering out of its shell.

As I had thought, it was the landlady.

I don't exactly remember what we talked about. I don't usually pay attention to what she used to say and just nod my head. Most of what she said was bullshit anyway.

So we talked about 5 minutes. She knew there were others in my room so she told me to open the door as she had to say something. It was probably about tomorrow's breakfast; I'm not sure but it was probably a Saturday that day and on Sundays sometimes she goes out of town. So it was probably about that.

I told her I'll deliver her message to the boys but she insisted on telling them herself.

My heart started beating my ribs and if my mouth was any big, it could have come out of it any second now.

With weak hands I open the door and try my best to put myself between her and the bed.

And guess what, it worked. She didn't even get a whiff of what had happened and left soon after.

I was relieved but then again I didn't have a bed anymore. So that was that.

I'm not a big fan of sleeping on the floor so I had to do something about the bed.

I went out and bought some steel wire. Luckily the wood was broken at an angle so I put an iron rod that was lying around and tied it up along the lines if the plank. It hold up the frame but couldn't hold my weight too well( and I was the skinniest of the group.)

I couldn't sleep like that knowing the bed might break again while I was dreaming of swimming in loads of money and being fed grapes by Megan Fox. These kind of dreams should be shattered on their own and not due to a breaking bad..I mean bed.

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Source

So I had another eureka moment and no, this time it was not induced by a drop of sweat trickling down my ass.

There was a vacant bed in the adjacent room as one of my friends had moved out recently.

So we decided to smuggle the bed into my room. But it was a very risky business and hence we decided to do it at night when the landlord(and the landlady, you can not forget the landlady!) fall asleep.

The heist

So once everyone upstairs was asleep, we got to work. We dismantled the pieces and started moving the pieces one by one. This was risky because we were doing this in the corridor which was clearly visible from above.

To be honest it felt like we were doing something like this

Copyright belongs to Summit Entertainment of course.


We moved the new bed to my room and my bed to the other room. We kept the broken plank toward the wall.

Till today, the landlady doesn't know that I broke the bed.

Ah, fun times!


Thank you for reading. Hopefully nobody punched any kittens yesterday.

You know what to do.

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P.S. Checkout #comedyopenmic for funnier shit.

Almost forgot, I nominate @iamsgr and @nihardx to take part in this contest.

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I would say finally I can sleep again but when I read the first part the second one was already published...because I am smart

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You're very smart i give you that but you wont see the next one coming..
laughs maniacally

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dame...probably I should have kept that a secret

Stan's the Man

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Aye thanks dawg!

Well, let's hope your landlady doesn't discover steemit or you'll be in a lot of trouble.

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The probability of her discovering steemit is less than the probability of the Earth being flat.
But even if she discovers steemit, I already left the place so she can't do shit lol.

Ha lolz, I'm your landlady and you owe me $300. I'll take it in SBD.

amazing story, may you succeed with your story, i want to be like you

Damn!"head jeering out like a turtle' it got me "ROFL"ing.

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Haha thanks.

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I'm sorry. I punched a kitten. But it was self defense.