The Steem blockchain was upgraded earlier today. You may experience trouble posting and transacting while the new bandwidth system stabilizes. Read more here.

My Body Positivity Post (and fundraiser) -Comedy Open Mic Round 29

in comedyopenmic •  25 days ago

Hi there. If you haven't already, go to @carlgnash's post and check it out. It's hilarious, it's giving everything away, and has an important message. Plus, there's nudity.

This post is three out of those four. Sorry, I'm just a triple threat.

The proceeds of this post will go to try and help @llfarms get to TeenFest. She really does a lot for this platform.

I don't know why she's going. Ask her. People have strange interests and it's not for us to judge. I would think that a Steem related festival would be more appropriate, but whatevs. I will still donate all of the liquid steem and whatever I can supplement of the SP, (that might be partially in an IOU because I'm poor), to the cause.

I can't win anything in COM either, because I'm a stupid judge, so there's another way Carl is better than me, but who's keeping score?

Oh, turns out we're at 9-3 in Carl's favour I'm told. Thanks, Mom.

Yeah, I know he's handsome AF, get a hold of yourself. You're like 75 or something.

Anyhow, on with the affirmations.

Here I am as a baby. Not giving a fuck. My mom obviously had fashion sense though. Look at those overalls. They don't even look like hand-me-downs.

This is me when I was a kid. I was nothing but ribs and nuts, and I didn't care what I looked like, as is evident by this school photo.

I guess that growing up in a rural area had a lot to do with my perception because most of the other kids didn't have shit either, so mostly there was nobody making fun of you. There wasn't a noticeable consumer culture until I got to Middle School, or as we called it, Junior High. That was when schools from all over converged into one school with grade seven and eight. It still wasn't town, but it was pretty close.

It was there that I noticed a lot more shaming. It wasn't horrible, that I recall, but it was a stepping stone to the abuses that went on in high school. It was when the poor kids learned they were poor and the rich kids made sure they knew it. Well, some of them. Obviously, they weren't all bad.

I don't remember a lot of body shaming, but I know there was some. We didn't have video games and shit like that, so our entertainment usually involved walking, swimming in the lake, and bike riding. It was hard to keep weight on when you didn't sit around or eat a ton of junk food.

High school brought on the cliques and the real divisions. I was a skid, but I got along with most other groups. I could hang out with the skaters, the preps, and the nerds, but deep down I was a skid so I never really fit in with those folks.

""
Fuck yeah, those are acid washed jeans and a tie-dyed t-shirt. Not everyone could pull that off.

That's when I started to really notice people caring about their appearance. The boys and the girls. I could never figure out the guys that spent tons of money on accessories and products for their hair. Sure, the girls seemed to flock to them, but at what cost?

Ah, who am I kidding? If I spent my cigarette, weed, and booze money on products, I might have been bagging hotties too, but you have to prioritize. It was easier to escape my reality and have a ton of fun than to change my reality to conform.

Vanity

It's something that you see associated with women all the time, but I had never really dwelled on it from an adult male perspective until I saw a post by @papa-pepper that was reviewing a face muscle builder for vloggers.

In the video, he was getting emotional about the vanity of it all, I think. I still have no idea if he was being serious or is really good at acting. Either way, it was the first time I sat down and thought about what it would be like to care that much about how I look.

I just can't do it. I'm sure I cared at one point but I gave up on all that. Luckily my friends mostly did too.

This is Steve and the boys from The Stripper post.

""
He's the one in the fuschia

""
He is not afraid of people seeing his body.

Don't worry. He's just pretending to be knocked out.

""
Notice how we hid the skinny guy in the back?

Yeah, I have a whole lot of pals that aren't afraid to let it all hang out. I guess that's why I never feel awkward about doing things like this trash the dress post.

Or this one from The Bromance Of The Year post.

Now, like @carlgnash, I am glad that my body can still do the things I need it to do, like jump into a cold lake after carrying me and a pack, up and down a mountain like it did on our opal mining adventure. I also like that it keeps me warm on our long and cold winters when I'm working so much outdoors.

It actually keeps me warm all the time. Like when I was on my honeymoon.

And there was the time I was presented with the greatest thrift store find since 1989. I only feel sad that its luxurious sexiness is covering up my luxurious sexiness.

Yes, it's real velour

In conclusion, please take care of yourself, in body and mind. Try to do what's right for you, not for everyone else. I think you'll find that the two will start aligning pretty quickly. The more you love yourself, the more you can love others.

I don't mean it that way, @amirtheawesome1. Give that thing a rest for an hour.

I nominate @jerrybanfield to get in on this because we all know you're a champion of body positivity and fundraising. I also ask @dj123 to get off her high horse and get naked for charity.

In case those two won't comply, I will also nominate @sharanaithal and @davemccoy to inject some cortisone into their funny bones and get typing.

You can find out more about the delightful contest by clicking...
HERE

final.gif

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

Hi profanereviews,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)

Judges:

If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here

Click To Vote @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!
Support COM Banner

Thank you to @matytan for the great banner

Oh my gosh I love this!!! I was laughing so freaking hard the first part then you got all deep and emotional.. glad you lightened the mood again though with those acid wash jeans.. damn dude, you’re stylish 😏

Seriously though, I love everything about this.. the message is so special and I’m so freaking honored to be apart of all of these, you guys are amazing. ❤️

I might need to do a love your body post.. but who shall be my steemfest fundraiser victim 🤔

·

I'm glad you love it because as of now it's putting almost a buck and a half into your wallet. You can use that to throw in a busker's lute case when you get to Poland.

I know @anouk.nox would love to go. I don't know if she is or not, as I tune her and her perversions out in Discord.

Wow this is amazing! The Trash the Dress post that is also amazing! I love you, you sexy, funny beast you <3

·

Thanks Carl G. Nashmeister. I appreciate your words, as well as yourself as a person. I long for the day that we can go for a VR trolley ride together.

You are a beautifully weird man.

·

Thank you. It's the heart tattoo, isn't it?

·
·

I didn't realize that was a heart tattoo. I had to go back and take a closer look but I was too distracted by your nipples.

I knew you were sexy but damn Chris. I totally want to be that strawberry but hopefully in my tree and not in your mouth in a gay way.

·

Yeah, totally not gay. Except for that thing you do on the weekends. Having sex with men for weed.

By the way, I have that ounce of Pink Kush if you're around tomorrow afternoon.

·
·

Please wear a condom this time

·
·
·

That's a big 10-4. Nobody needs a third dose of whatever you gave me the last two times.

You were such a cute baby (if those really are your photos).

I wish I had half the confidence you have in your body. I like your third tag. I know a man who says that he doesn't think of his woman as fat but as more cuddly and more to love.

·

They are my photos. I was so cute and can't figure out what happened. Probably McDonalds. I should sue them for turning me into a monster.

You don't have confidence in my body? That makes me sad. I guess I'll have to prove it's worth by doing feats of strength. Urghhh, there I just lifted a corner of the house. Are you satisfied?

Gerri and I get more to love every night. Your friend is wise.

·
·

Now, my confidence has gone up some. You can put the house down now.

Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by Chris Bird from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.

If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.

There's sexiness, then there's this.

·

Hey, thanks.

Wait a minute. Are you hitting on me?

haha..... alright i can see a potential theme here, we should call it sexiness fun raising and do this periodically

kudos @profanereviews ..... you make that wedding dress look slutty (cue like a virgin music)

Here you go @llfarms. Maybe you can get yourself a Polish sausage or a Zywiec. Probably not both.

bodypost.JPG