I was not put on this earth to listen to meat! (round 23)

Greetings Steemians!
I am here to share my wisdom and make sure @meatwad doesn't get too much attention or lured onto a barbecue grill!
After all, it is I who taught him everything he knows, and it can be yours... for a price!
Prepare your ears to receive my wisdom!!!
I will start with the most important topic for everyone, which is how to get a fine-ass honey!
I'm talking about the lady skills!!
Me, I have what every woman wants!... a mix tape, I can blow up ANYTHING, and I have Carl's swimming pool, when he's not home!
I can show you how to talk to women!
The smooth talk! Which I have!
Show them you have something in common! You say-
"Hey bimbo! Yeah, I'm talking to you! You're a woman! And women want ME! I AM what we have in common!"
Then it's off to her place to make sex!
Show off your sex moves right away!
I'm sharing valuable information here, pay attention!!!
You jump on the bed in your cowboy outfit! In front of a camera! that way you can watch yourself later!
Remember this!
If you can keep jumping for 2 hours, then it's done! She's yours!
Make her your fiancee with a bling-berry lemon candy ring!
Tell her that the ring stands for a circle: the never ending sex circle!
Fine-ass honey's love to hear this stuff!
If it turns out she's a robot who hired Carl to kill you then who cares, it happens to everyone!

I can teach you how to get your dream job!
Walk in and tell them to sit back down and listen! Tell them what YOU want!
Don't ask questions! That way you don't have to listen to them talk!
Right after they hire you, tell them that you need regular naps and to work from home!
It's never a bad time to walk away and spend some time at the arcade!
If it's good for you, it's good for the company!
But who needs a job?
I've had one and let me tell you, I never liked it!
How are you supposed to sleep in and watch all your shows when your boss won't stop calling you?!
So let me tell you what's more important!
You need to be ok with eating catfood!
It's cheap! And probably nutritious!
It smells like @meatwad caught the house on fire smoking cigarettes again!
You will await my return!

Your superior being!
MASTER SHAKE
...the mic rulah, the old schoolah
You wanna trip, I'll bring it to ya!

I've been informed I have to name people whom I think are funny! No one is as funny as me! But I nominate @frylock, he wants a job- I think that's funny! And @mooninites, they want to kill everyone! hahaa! right?

This post and all ensuing posts are a tribute to the Master Shake character, creation of Dave Willis and Matt Maiellaro for the Cartoon Network/Adult Swim show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"