Rewriting Titanic’s Ending - ComedyOpenMic Round 14
This is my first ComedyOpenMic entry and it's a tribute to the unsatisfying ending of the movie: Titanic. Jack didn't needed to die, so I'm rewriting 'The Promise' scene.
The romantic in me wants a happy ending but I'm not sure I succeeded. ;)
(Original vintage advertisement - public domain)
The Promise Scene
ROSE
I love you, Jack...
JACK
(Feeling stiff, cold and breathing is choppy.)
Don’t you do that. Don’t you say your goodbyes.
I’m not dead yet…
(Teeth chattering.)
If you move over a few inches on that door
and let me on, I might still live.
There’s enough room for both of us...
ROSE
I’m so cold…
JACK
(Teeth chattering louder, head is shaking uncontrollably.)
Listen to me, Rose. You’re going to get out of here.
You’re going to make lots of babies.
With my help, if my gonads haven’t frozen off.
We’re going to watch them grow.
We’re going to die old and warm in our bed.
You just need to move over.
I don’t need much space. I don’t want to die.
Not here. Not this night. Do you understand me?
(Makes weird struggling noise from the cold.)
ROSE
I can’t feel my body…
JACK
(Looks pleadingly into Rose’s eyes.)
Are you listening at all? You’re complaining?
I’m the one in the icy water!
I can feel the icicles on my eyebrows.
Winning that ticket is the worst thing
that ever happened to me.
ROSE
You regret meeting me?
I didn’t cause the Titanic to sink.
JACK
(Shakes head.)
Sorry, the cold is confusing my mind.
I mean it was the best thing. It brought me to you.
And I’m thankful for that, Rose. I’m thankful, but…
(More struggling noise.)
You must— you must slide over, just a bit.
I’m really friggin’ cold.
Women have more fat than men.
And you have a generous figure.
I don’t need as much room as you.
ROSE
(Starts to look confused.)
Are you calling me fat?
JACK
What?
I said generous.
ROSE
You weren’t complaining when we were having
steamy, finger-gliding-on-window relations in the car.
I wasn’t too fat then!
JACK
(Getting impatient.)
This isn’t the time to argue. I’m freezing.
I need to get on the door.
Us common folks deserve to live too!
ROSE
What must you think of me?!
I don’t care if you’re common!
Didn’t you hear me?
I said I love you...
JACK
It’s you who’s not listening.
I’m neck-deep in ice water
while you’re floating on a
generous door complaining!
ROSE
So we’re back to my generosity now!
JACK
The door, woman!
ROSE
Are you implying I’m spend-thrift?
JACK
We are not in a department store,
I don’t care about your spending habits.
Move over, I just need some space!
ROSE
I must be so suffocating that you need space?
JACK
On the door you daft woman!
ROSE
So now you’re mocking me!
What did I ever see in you?
I could be carrying your child!
JACK
All the more reason to move over!
Why am I even asking you?
You’re irrational!
ROSE
(Eyes narrowing.)
Ooooh, you are such a man!
JACK
Make that a cold and desperate man.
That’s it, I’m done being a gentleman.
Move your pampered backside.
I’m coming up!
(Starts to climb sluggishly onto the platform, pushing Rose aside.
The door rocks from the tussling.)
ROSE
Be careful! You’re tipping the door!
JACK
It’s you. You’re heavier than me.
ROSE
Stop calling me fat!
JACK
Just calm down, we can find balance.
ROSE
(Panics. Her frantic movement causes the door to tip.)
Help! Help! I’m sliding off the door!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgh!
JACK
Hang on, Rose!
(Grabs at Rose but misses. She slides into the water.)
ROSE
Aaaaaaaaarrrgh! I’m in the ocean!
Help me, Jack! Help! It’s unbearably cold!
(Spluttering and drinking sea water.)
JACK
(Grabs Rose by the armpit and pulls.)
Christ, you’re really heavy!
(Grunts with great effort)
ROSE
Jack, do not take the Lord’s name in vain!
JACK
(Keeps pulling with little result.)
It’s your skirts, they’re weighing you down!
Why can’t you be like my French girls?
They don’t wear much at all!
ROSE
I should have stayed with Cal...
JACK
(Still grunting and working hard.)
He’s a brute.
I doubt he’s done any hard labour in his life.
I feel like I’m trying to pull a horse out of quicksand!
ROSE
(Slaps Jack’s arm. The door rocks dangerously.)
You’re impossible. This is impossible!
I’m going to die in this ocean,
and my last memory will be of you
comparing me to a horse!
JACK
(Flops down in defeat.)
You’re right. It’s impossible.
We’ll have to hope help arrives soon.
Just hold onto to my hand and don’t let go.
Promise me that you’ll never let go…
ROSE
I won’t, I promise.
(A bright light flashes in the distance.)
RESCUER ON A LIFE RAFT
Anyone alive?!
JACK & ROSE
YES!!
Some Titanic mood music - my husband thinks this is a creepy remix. Lol
EDIT: I forgot to nominate 2 unfortunate souls to enter this contest (or future ones)! I nominate:
@supersoju - I challenge you to write a hilarious science, baking or soju post!
@riverflows - You nominated me for a serious challenge, I’m nominating you for a funny one! ;)
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bwahahah..... this is why it isn't safe to go sailing with generous ladies
Thanks for the visit and the support! I was a little concerned about making generous lady jokes, but I’ll just blame the COM community for the corruptive influence. :) To 500,000 funny members, bad jokes and poor taste grinding the COM discord server to a halt! 🖤
It is fun to go swimming with bow-legged women though.
you said you had struggles with thinking something up, and straight off of the bat you create this amazing post that gets a curie upvote. great work. You clearly have a lot of comedic talent, keep it up!.
It came to me when I was listening to a Titanic remix. I’m sheepish to admit, I love that song. Like many others, it niggled me forever that Rose couldn’t just make some room for Jack. I feel strangely more resolved now. :)
I’ve been wanting to write a script-writing style post for a while. I’m just pleased I found a fun excuse to execute! 🖤
Anyway, you’ve heard me gush about COM enough!
This is my favorite curie and contest piece to date! Expect more love showered at the community when I finally write mycurie story.
I would pay money to see this ending. Great writing @linnyplant.
Awww... The dancing pole lady has arrived! 🖤
Thank you. I had so much fun with this one. It was actually just play and not much work in the end. I hope all COMs will be so fun.
Lord. I played it out in my head 😂😂😂😂
When I read this, it made my evening. 🖤
Someone actually trying to imagine this silly scene. Lol
It is a really nice one
This. Was. Awesome.
Where have you been all my life?
Or at least the last month? 😏
Firstly, may I have permission to use this tomorrow (Friday) on my radio podcast STEEMSTAR AFTER DARK?
Wanna know more? Go HERE or literally most all the posts on my blog are about STEEMSTAR AFTER DARK or MISSION CONTROL.
And nextly (totally a word...), you are OFFICIALLY invited to join us tomorrow night FRIDAY 8PM EST for a hilarious good time!
You can watch live on Youtube, Twitch or Steemstar.net, but be sure to sign into DISCORD so you can join the players!
STEEMSTAR NETWORK DISCORD
Let me know if you have ANY questions. You can find and DM me in Discord if ya want - carrieallen#9415 😍
@carrieallen, you absolutely have my permission to use this script. I’m so thrilled people (other than me) will enact this scene so I will finally have closure on the Titanic ending. Lol
I’m going to make sure I have front row seats for this skit!
I’m glad you found me, so I found you! Following back!
;)
Thanks so much! I'll also share a link to this post on Friday before the show!
Please do share the link and I’ll resteem. I’ve never had people read my stuff, so I am thrilled! ❤️
That would be a better ending hahahhaha the banter and arguments are pure gold!!
Thank you for taking the time to visit from my mention on PYPT. I don’t actually know how you people do it, I can barely keep up with the chat! I’m glad you got a laugh and I’ll pop over to your blog as soon as I have a work-free moment. 🖤
No worries and need to return the favor because your post is funny! The Comedy Open Mic has a lot of awesome posts and I am so glad that you created one.
A lot of people spend a lot of time commenting. I spend at least 6 hours myself ahahha in various groups I am.
LOL. I love it. very nice alternate ending. Rose could have died and it would not have hurt my feelings. She did jack dirty.
Hehe. I love Rose, but yeah, she should have been more considerate. Glad to see another COM member visit. It’s kinda fabulous that this community is actively supportive! 🖤
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This is SO hilarious!!! I loved every sentence. And it just got better and better with each scroll down.
You should submit this to @carrieallen for her steemstar after dark skits. people free-read skits together live on the air. It's pretty funny. I'm sure she'd love this submission. Can I forward it to her?
Hi littlescribe!
Another familiar name From PYPT! 🖤
@simgirl passed this on during the PYPT session and carrie plans to include it in her agenda tomorrow. I’m super excited! But I’m really touched you enjoyed it too and wanted to pass on the recommendation. I’ll also drop by your blog soon too! Very pleased that the pimping session resulted in a new group of supportive people to check out! ❤️
Yes, but to be fair, you're, like, leGITimately hilarious. So you will not need much promoting in my opinion, once you get going.
You crack me up, Linny 😂🤣😂🤣
Thank you for mentioning me 😘🤗😘🤗
Thank you fairy! I’m pleased you laughed. Anything I can do to increase the visibility of good witnesses is effort worth making. Keep the blocks going! 🖤
Hi linnyplant,
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