Trying to Watch the Naked Kate Winslet Scene in Titanic While Your Angry Wife Complains about Her Rough Day Buying a Shirt - Comedy Open Mic Round #32

in comedyopenmic •  20 days ago

Ok. She did that thing with her voice where it goes up. That "bet you won't believe the way this story about shirts turns out" tone. That means she's almost done. Maybe like, two, or at most three more minutes until she gets to the end.

Good. Leo's just waiting there with his pencils and chalk and whatever that is. What's with that anyway? Isn't he some poor kid? When did he have the time to become a professional portraiture sketch artist. Shouldn't he have been working in the mines or something. Oh well. Who cares. Nobody watches this for the plot.

Yes sweetheart, of course I'm listening. That's ridiculous. Who even knew a new shirt could be that way that you just said it was? So what happened?

Ok she bought it. Peripherals on the TV annnnnnd.....dammit I missed the butt. The way she slides that dress off and gives Leo that look. Ugh, I'll have to go back and watch it later. Or...could I just rewind it now? She'd just think I'm trying to remember the story arc of the...yeah ok, she'll know I'm just rewinding for the butt.

Ugh.

Alright. This has to be the end of the shirt story. Just pay attention and maybe she'll go faster. Ok, so the receipt was the merchant copy not the customer copy so they had to give store credit but she didn't want store credit because everyone knows the season is over and that store DOES NOT carry good winter clothing so she had to go back to talk with the manager and they got into a ten minute long argument because first she told the manager...

She's not stopping is she? This is just, like, the middle of the story. I'm pretty sure I just missed one of the boob shots. It was the shorter one though. The next one is the good long one. It's like two and a half seconds of just topless Kate Winslet. She's so great. Except in that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. That was freaking terrible. Like my girl K.W. would ever date freaking' Ace Ventura. That soundtrack was ok though. The computer bleeps and bloops were fun. Except--

No hun, I don't think you were wrong. You did what you had to do in the situation and that's the only thing that matters.

Crap. I think I used that one earlier. She's looking at me weird. I think she knows. Gotta remember not to use that one again. I should probably go with an "I support you no matter what," or a "Wow that's, like, not what I was thinking would happen," next time. I could always—

Wow that's, like, not what I was thinking would happen babe.

Dammit! She knows. That didn't fit at all. Maybe I can just let her be mad and then I can catch that final scene with the--wait...are they...jesus christ there's the sad violin players on the deck. Scene's over.

I can't believe I missed it.

Um, YES I want to know what he said after that.

Whelp. Do your thing Billy Zane.

Hun, I support you no matter what.

Sigh.

titanic-313353_640.jpg

*Nominees: @julisavio @anomadsoul

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Why is it that everyone remembers the drawing scene while I remember the sinking part?!
What was it you were saying about shirts?

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I never even knew the boat sinks at the end because I usually get really sleepy for some reason right after the bewbs.

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Sounds like a good place to doze off.

Hahaha, this is what happens every time I try to talk to my husband while he's watching some movie that he likes (ok, your Titanic scene is very exciting) :D I see in his eyes that he doesn't answer BUT I continue as I know that if I need something this is the best time to ask for it :D The answer always is YES just so that he gets rid of me :D

You made me laugh! Thank you for sharing!

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Don't get me wrong. Most guys think their own wives are way hotter than Kate Winslet. But not during "conversation about shirt," while Titanic is on. That's the exception.

Thank you for commenting! I care way more about comments than I do votes, because I crave validation more than money, because I'm a neurotic crazy person, because I have serious abandonment issues, because my parents were REALLY into leaving me with my Aunt to follow a Greatful Dead Cover band around lower Wisconsin back in the day.

This happens to me practically nightly and it can be anything from Seinfeld to The Office or a movie I've seen 25 times like Die Hard. It is especially disappointing when you're waiting for that special scene you know is coming and you have to answer pretend as if you hear the never ending unimportant story.

Sometimes for me, it's not even about her. It is about people she knows, which is even worse, because in some cases, I don't even know them. That makes the story even beyond less interesting because I will never meet these people because they are either part of a news story she read about or an old friend that lives in another state that you'd need an airplane ride to visit, and that'll never happen. Ugh. The pains of being a man sometimes. :)

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I loved your response and I am in agreement with you, except for the last sentence. It's not that you said anything wrong. It's just that I said that exact thing once, and my wife kicked me in the face so hard that I bumped into the anesthesiologist and my wife had to deliver the quadruplets naturally. So it was a really rough day for me.

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Oh no. Yes if that's true and you're not just being funny, that was badly timed. I've gone through the 20 hours of labor for my first child and 14 hours for the second. I would not want to be the woman in that scenario for sure. :)

Lol, very nice. I just want to say that there was plenty of room on that damn door for Leo. Also did you know that the pool on the front deck of the boat is still full of water to this day?

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You guys are making me blush.

Fortunately I work as a mime, so no one would know, except I'm out of work right now so people just think I'm a red-faced jerk who doesn't respond to things they say.

Titanic is beautiful movie, I love it, my hubby not. Of course he has watched it once but that was enough for him. Couple of years ago when my son was younger he was wondering about Titanic and I said we will watch it all together but every time hearing my and my hubby's comments completely opposite and funny when he usually laughs more about us arguing and not movie. Now he is teenager and still has has not watched it, but as usually on X-mas Titanic is on TV, I told him last X-mas that we are going to watch this time but he told me: No, thank you, I know enough about Titanic. That is life :)

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Your hubby has definitely not been awared about the drawing scene. Because otherwise, he would love the movie even more than you love it. And it's not even weird or creepy because it's Kate Winslet. She's in a Holocaust movie so pretty much everything she does has gravitas. That's why people still treat Liam Neeson seriously. Who doesn't want to watch Oscar Schindler run around punching wolves in the face?

Typical guy style, you pretend you are listening when you are not. But we ladies sometimes get carried away when we explain things. I just hope you never get caught. The consequences can be terrible for your health.

Titanic is definitely a memorable movie. I enjoy the sinking part better, that scene gives out so much emotional vibes. Its my best part of the movie.

The best way to get my boyfriend to do something he considers unpleasant is when he os watching football. He would do anything to get rid of me so he can focus on the game.
It is so easy to get you guys...lol.

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Who even knew a "typical guy style" could be that way that you just said it was? I support what you just said there no matter what.

Really hilarious! 😃 thing is, the lady almost always knows when the guy isn't paying attention to what he is saying but well, for some reasons she just goes on and on. Maybe she is hoping that the story will be good enough to grasp his attention? Well, seems like her shirt story wasn't great enough to disconnect you from the "titanic world".😃

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