Inside A Woman's Purse--Comedy Open Mic Round 14 Entry

When you leave the house, what do you bring with you? Me? I'm low maintenance, so I just bring the basic necessities--like the entire house. Just kidding! But, there are several essential things I always bring with me--because I'm a girl scout--always ready for anything. Let me walk you through the entire content of my purse

Wallet and coin purse

If there's one thing you should never ever forget when going out (aside from your clothes, duh!) is your wallet. Unless it's one of your nefarious plans to get people to treat you out to lunch because you forgot to bring money.

Cellphone

One of the most important things, aside from your wallet and keys, you shouldn't forget is your cellphone. How can you stalk your crush on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram if you do? But more importantly, how can you upvote this post if you don't have your mobile phone with you? I'm kidding! Whether we like it or not, cell phones have become a necessity these days. In case of emergencies, it's the first thing we look for, right? So, just don't forget to take it with you. Somebody might think you got abducted by aliens or something if you don't answer their messages or calls.

Keys

Of course, don't leave your keys at home! I assume you still want to enter your house? Okay! Okay! So I have more keychains than actual keys. I like to buy keychains from each place I visit and people keep giving me keychains from the places they have visited. In other words, it's the cheapest keepsake you can buy in any part of the world.

Face towel

In a country where the heat index can reach higher than 40 degrees Celsius, a simple handkerchief is simply not enough. Guys and gals, you need a face towel! If only I could bring a portable AC with me wherever I go. Sigh

Umbrella

I always bring with me an umbrella whether it's the rainy or dry/summer season because. like I said, I'm a girl scout. Plus, it helps protect me against the blazing heat and UV rays of the sun. But more than that, don't underestimate how crazy our weather has become. Just because it's summer, doesn't mean it won't suddenly rain--which is exactly what happened to me today. There I was melting under the sweltering heat of the sun when it suddenly drizzled. I thought for sure somebody sprinkled me with water. But before the inner b**** in me could take over, I realized it was just raining--while the sun is still high in the sky!

Super glue

Keeping a super glue in your purse can save you a lot of headache because you never know when emergencies can happen. Like this...

Even your trusty rubber shoes can fail you--just like your ex. Aaah...if only there is a glue that can put back the pieces of your broken heart.

Alcohol

Germophobics, unite! If you're like me who is a certified germophobic, then you'll understand why I carry this around everywhere I go. I mean, you never know what may have come into contact to the hand that touched that doorknob. Eeew! Also, it's very useful when you bring an infant or toddler with you outside.

Face powder

An overly oily face is not very attractive, especially in this hot humid weather. Somebody may even approach you and crack and cook an egg on your face! A lady should look fresh any time and every time, so we could keep the guys guessing how we do it!

Lipstick

Even if you are a low maintenance gal, you should always still bring face powder and lipstick with you--cause you never know when you may cross paths with a bae (cute guy). Just don't overdo your face powder then wear red lipstick. I'm sure you don't want to look like a killer clown, right?

Bag

I know what you're thinking. How can all of that stuff fit inside a 9" x 7" bag? Magic! Guys, when we tell you that everything will fit, everything will fit. Don't underestimate our packing skills. I'm sure we can fit you in there too if you don't stop annoying us!

Last time I joined, I made a boo-boo. I promise not to do it again. Proooomise. This time I'm trying my hand at comedy again and (even if I don't win) I hope to make someone (anyone?) laugh, at least.

I am nominating @guri-gure (again! until he joins. lol) and @istariray.

All photos are mine

-@chineyes