Comedy Open Mic Round 11 — A bot will upvote this post thereby disqualifying me from Comedy Open Mic Round 11

Okay, so here’s the deal. I need your help. No, not money, not that kind of help, I just need your advice. Put away your wallets and listen up. C’mon. Gather around now and hear what I have to say. Great, great. Come on over now and have a seat. No I don’t give a fuck where you sit just sit wherever the fuck you want. You guys are such a great crowd. Okay, so let’s say someone was lost in the woods, like really really lost way out in the middle of nowhere, and he was at his wit’s end and just about ready to give up the ghost, roll over, and die. Total hypothetical situation here, of course. I’m just saying, what if this was actually happening to a guy right now as we speak. Just imagine it and picture yourself in his situation. What? No, that’s a stupid question. It doesn’t matter where this guy is lost. It doesn’t matter at all. That’s completely irrelevant. What a goddamn stupid question. You fucking idiot. Flag. Unfollow. Report to steemcleaners. All I’m trying to do here is ask for help and you dickslappers think you can start asking dumb questions all of a sudden? Shut up and let me talk. What I’m trying to ask is, if you were a hiker and went out for a hike one day and then somehow got yourself so fantastically lost that you started counting the days instead of the hours, and then you ran out of food and water, and then you ran out of booze too, and then one night you started hallucinating hamburgers and creepy dudes who looked like Guy Fawkes hanging in the branches of every GODDAMMIT. Will you two shitgobblers just shut up and pay attention? I’m trying to ask for your help over here. Maybe try to show some goddamn respect for once in your pathetic lives. Fucking unbelievable! IF YOU WERE A HIKER in that exact hypothetical situation I just described, then

what one single emoji would perfectly express the way you felt about the world and life in general?

_{Remember, you’ve been lost for days and you’re pretty close to dying at this point. Think total hopelessness and despair. Everything is meaningless. Also, nobody cares about you or that you’re dying. Not even your family or friends. Your family is dead and you don’t have any friends.}

So yeah, I could really use your help on this. The sooner the better. Emojis. Ready, set, go. Right now. HELP. I didn’t mean all those things I said before. Sorry about all that. That’s not the real me. Sometimes I just get that way and don’t even realize it. This has been Comedy Open Mic Round 11 with @brandt. Is it too late for me to enter Round 11? It’s probably too late. I shouldn’t even be entering this contest anyway because I’ll be disqualified as soon as the @qurator bot upvotes me. I think I might have broken some other rules too. For example, this entire post is plagiarized. I nominate @jesus and @god for the next round of @comedyopenmic. Thanks everyone.

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Hello from the high Rockies of Colorado. My name is Brandt, pleased to me— you know what, fuck it, nobody reads this section anyway.