Enough With Your Booming Fence and Loud Dog
by The Invisible Man

Dear Jack Condomm,

I have always felt relieved living near to you. You are the most stripy neighbour a person could ever meet.

Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.

I'm afraid I can no longer stand your untidy hedge.

I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your fence is too booming and your dog way too loud. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a dog collar

I have to insist that you take action to stop your untidy hedge from upsetting me. I demand that you take the fence down then rehome to dog.

And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud music increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a happy neighbourhood like Robert Phagot.

If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the neighbourhood watch and post photos of your untidy hedge on Facebook.

Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.

Thanks
Brownie Shytles

Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
@theinvisibleman