BeingONeWithNaturesteemCreated with Sketch.

in #comedy6 years ago

JANUARY.png

I like to sit outside and let the environment creep me out.
Its harder nowadays, to be scared of anything, every sound usually have a reason, every weird bump an explanation. Loud owl hoots aren't thought of to be the witches of the night speaking in Morse code to their master. Atheists wont allow anyone unquestioned faith and our numbers are dwindling daily. We may lose the battle and maybe the war, but as long as a lone child holds faith in their hearts the size of a mustard seed.....

No more mistaken shadows, and if Big Foot was a thing, google maps would've found that fucker by now. Lochness too. And I am not interested in aliens. Ok, I am not interested in aliens all the time. Why not? Trump would've told us about them by now. What I am interested in however, is his budding relationship with Kim.

There aint shit out there that can't be handled by a well placed bullet and we have science and technology to thank for that. And if Elon Musk is right, we will also have science and technology to thank when we inevitably find ourselves imprisoned in the matrix, or enslaved by some super logical AI like the one from IroBOt.

Crazy, to think that a lot of what people thought of to be terrifying is so not now.

Can you imagine?

Lets try, no lights, no cops, toilet paper, or Marlboros. If you wanted a dog you would have to steal a puppy from a wolf. Or trick one into not killing you or your family while you slept. And how do you do that? You are barely a contender to the natural predators out there, say, like the aforementioned wolf. Bears! Fucking Bears! Yogi doesnt want just your picinic basket. And I dont trust the loyalty of that new wolf friend of mine because we heard a tree fall and it just ran away, it didn't even look back to see if we were following or at the very least ok. And to think I feed that bastard the nice fatty bits of our meat and fish. It came back for dinner time though so there's that. Questionable loyalty and reliable presence for chow time.

Even Fishing would've been deadly. Having to go out, create what ever it was your people used to do such a task,and if you're lucky you'll only need your hands, carry out that task, collect your catch, and then have to transport it miles back to your village. Dead fish smell gets in the air, and now its a race to base. ROAR! There goes that tiger the neighbors were talking about last week, shoot, I should've listened to what the guy was saying instead of thinking about how much I wanted to take over his land to marry his wife and daughters, because well you know, Carpe Diem. Gotta get there before that tiger catches up with you and takes your families dinner. Twas really a mangy human in a gnarly bear costume. Nasty bastard hasn't bathed in weeks, tracking your movements, eating berries, watching you walk back to the village, and stalking you waiting for the perfect time to ambush.

All that fish and maybe some berries, because lets be honest, we arent hunting folk are we? Of course we know what berries to pick and when, because the other men wont let us hunt with them anymore because we cry too much and loud like a little ole baby boy. SO, Fish and berries, and got high before we left the tepee or if you are classy,the cave! We forgot the fish jawbone dagger OH no!, and that god damn wolf left us again, there he goes. He is outta here. So after times most shittiest TigerBumBear beats your ass for the days bounty we realise we have nothing to show for the day and our tribe will not be pleased. We arent the most motivated members... We also realise that there are No cameras to take pictures and show why the crew cant eat tonight, so now they're gonna think you're just a lazy fuck and full of shit. And they are only half right and that isn't worth an exile so come on guys just give me another shot! I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

So now you have to make some hard choices, wait for your cavemen kin to decide if they are so mad that they are gonna let you off easy with a suspension into the wilds like a spartan to prove yourself, or pissed enough to sacrifice you to the Gods for being a piece of shit, claim it was your wife's fault and sacrifice her instead, or makes you go back out there with the warriors on some Conan the Barbarian shit.

Families got to eat.

Got to have goals, got to have em.

Nature wasn't fucking around back then, gotta be grateful for this intelligence we got right now.

Because Jeff Sessions is trying to send us right back to those terrifying bogey man in the bushes trying to rape me for my fish days.And You don't want that.

Take into account this work people smarter than us are saying. The mark of a good leader is to be able to absorb up to date, modern, solid data. And a large portion of our leaders aren't doing that. Take note.

Common sense goes a long way, but it needs to be combined with Education to make a balanced Leader. It seems to me they lack this,and I mean alot of the older ones especially, like say, Jeff Sessions, but lets be honest, that does seem to be status quo.

So this leads me to believe that it starts, at least now in this time period, that it is going to start with the individual. Which is horrifying, because... I am an individual, and I am a fucking animal! An ideal day for me is to wake up, jack off immediately, smoke some herb, sit outside, and write, now, apart from writing, that list makes me no more fascinating than a monkey at your local zoo.

I'm a fucking animal.

But I am one with nature.

Birds of a feather flock together,
and if Eagles fly alone,
I am a penguine.

Bears can be scary hairy gay men, but you know whats
scarier? Actual fucking bears. There is a video that shows this young cat, riding
a bike in the woods, with a go cam on their head, and they just so happen to look
to the left, and BOOM! Grizzly bear, and you can hear the fear in the way the indivual whimpers, and when the bear hears it, he roars back in excitement. He roared back in Excitement! You know how terrifiying that revelation is? There are animals out there that
are excited at the sounds we make when they chase us, this isn't for food anymore, we are being hunted for fun. And if we all agreed to go camping, all of us, this whole group, and we invited someone like say, Jeff Sessions, and just leave him there, in Bear Country, if he can make it out without anyone helping him, just with his wits and the bow and a couple of arrows we leave him with, and Come out of the wilderness like a modern day Yoda Sized Rambo, then and only then will he have earned his right to serve us as a politican, because if you ask Coretta Scott King, he isnt to be trusted to watch dough rise.

And speaking of Dogs, mine are mixed with Pitt Bull and German Shepards, One is a Boxer and Shepard mix, and I think they are having monthly meetings about how to tear my shit up. Blankets, Cords, Pillows, Shoes, Pants, Shirts, Jackets, window blinds or shutters. At this point I think they think its a game. And Triple Score Points when you tear shit up in front of me, because that's when you know I'm almost if not already defeated. I have just gone numb to the sight of them tearing my shit up, sometimes they'll convince me to just drop a shoe down for em, because for fucks sake man, you know we're gonna get it, at least this way, you can feel as if you were part of the process instead of betrayed and powerless-and that's how my dogs taught me how the victims of Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey felt, Because they're good fucking dogs, that's why, what have YOUR dogs taught you lately? That it'll eat toilet paper if you leave the bathroom door unlocked?

Get outta Here.......(door closes like the ending of the Godfather and muffled ranting is heard as you leave the bar)

*written by Kerrick Villanueva
Picture was created with www.canva.com
Was not intended to ignite fury but to tickle funny bones and express myself, if I offended thee, please forgive me. I love you and goodnight.

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