Column: Anna

Anna ( 34) Divorced and no kids.
Works in a little gift shop.
Just moved into her new apartment.   

Monday morning.
Today I woke up with hangover from hell. My head feels like I have been hitting it against the wall for hours and the empty wine bottles on the table remind me of the evening I had. I had hoped for a nice visit to my parents but that turned out to only be a dream. My mother is disappointed in me. Not only because I did not have babies yet but also because I divorced Paul. In her eyes he was the best thing that could happen to me. He had a good job, made lots of money and spoiled me with presents. The fact that I was not happy in my marriage seems not to count for her. Instead of going home with a smile on my face I cried the whole way home. I have to work today but my body is protesting against everything I do. Even the strong coffee I made holds no power to make me feel alive.    

Monday evening.
Lucky for me it was very slow at the shop today so I could focus on decorating for Autumn. This should have been done two ago but the big boss did not bring the supplies. I did not mind and today I was happy that it was quiet. I even turned down the soft back ground music we always have in the shop. At the end of the day I closed the shop and jumped on my bike to go home. The rain and wind did not bother me at all. It felt like I was getting a shower from nature itself. For some reason it made me feel clean, washed from all my sadness and pain until I walked into my apartment, alone.    

Tuesday.
In the middle of the night I woke up from the sound of my phone. It was Paul and seeing his name on the screen made me shiver. I could hear myself pick up and saying my name knowing what was going to happen. He screamed at me, called me a whore and many more bad things I will not repeat. This is the side others never saw of him. I wonder why I still pick up when he calls me. Do I like the fact that he still pains me, puts me down? The outside world knows Paul as a hard working man, a gentleman who takes care of his family, a loving man. They never saw the bruises on my wrists and back and they will never know how hard it was for me to finally leave. When he was done screaming at me the real pain was yet to come. I could hear her say his name. The same voice I heard on the voice mails of his phone when I finally had the nerve to listen.