Say what you want to say 心事不要请人猜

“Ding”, a message came in when I was having breakfast this morning. It was from one of my best friend back in China. He told me that M who’s our mutual friend, texted me few days ago and I haven’t responded back to her yet. He told me she needs help from me.

I vaguely remember that I did receive a message from M few days ago. but I was in between of something. And I didn’t recall she was asking for help. I had to go back to my message to check what she said. The message was very simple, she was asking how my life is and told me that my company just opened a new distribution center in her area. That was it.

Now I realized what help she may need from me. She must want my referral. But how would I know what she wants from her previous message? We haven’t spoken for a very long time. I don’t even know where she works now.

I believe you may have also experienced similar situation a lot, when someone was trying to ask for help, but didn’t go to the point right away and had to go thousand miles before they finally said something. This happens a lot esp. with my Chinese friends.

I guess this could be part of culture thing. In China, people tend not to be very direct when asking for help. They will go with something else and test the water first. But to be honest, I can’t read your mind. If you need something from me, just tell me directly, I won’t guess. There are thousand things in life, what would I have to guess what other people think and want from me? Just tell me. As simple as that.

This actual happens a lot on the job too. If we are too shy and don’t tell our managers what we want, I am sorry, but most of the time, most bosses won’t second guess what you think. They may have thought that you are happy with where you are. Unless he/she knows you a lot and are the kind of manager who will always fight for their team, most likely you will have to step on the same ground very long before you go anywhere.

Nobody will fight for your own future, except yourselves. So be pro-active and tell your boss what your career plan is, work with them to map out a plan to get there.

Before I was relocated to US, I knew that I wanted to go to US if opportunity was right. I sat down with my boss and told him my career development plan, and sincerely asked for his help if there are any opportunities in the future. When the opportunity did come up, I was ready, and with help of my manager, I was relocated to US as what I was wishing for. Imagine if my boss didn’t know about my plan, will he tell me the opportunity that usually won’t really be passed on to me right away? Maybe it will be too late that the position would have had been taken.

One of my ex-colleague Y who is department head at my prior company in China. When I joined the company. I was very strange that I didn’t see Y coming to US headquarter for any meetings? As a department head in Asia myself, I used to travel a lot to US, it helped to bring in closer relationship and interaction with US team, and helped me to better understand the direction/strategy, why the decision was made that way, and got the first-hand market info, etc. I was told by my then boss, that from her understanding, Y didn’t like to travel as she has a young kid at home.

Guess what was more surprise to me was that when I quit the job and moved back to Boston, I personally thought that Y would be a very good candidate for my position in US. I highly recommended her to my boss. But my boss told me that she didn’t think that Y would be interested at all.

But the after-fact was that-

1. Y would love to travel to US for business and meet with the team in person.

1. Y would love to relocate to US. It will be a great opportunity for her and her family, esp her young son, who’s able to benefit a lot from better education in US.

But why my ex-boss had that impression of Y? Too bad but Y didn’t really discuss her career plan with the boss. There was a huge disconnection between them. I felt sorry for Y as she could have had moved to US should she discussed her personal career development plan with her boss and told her what she wanted upfront. It was too late. The position was filled. She missed the best opportunity, and had to accept to relocate to Vietnam.

What I am trying to say here is that-

1. No matter what kind of boss you work with, telling your boss what you exactly want in career is very critical for your career development. Only with their help, it can help you to get to where you want faster. Of course, there could be some bosses who are real jerks and may want to make both of your life misery, but the chances are real rare. You are the one who needs to be pro-active and own your own destiny.

1. Your boss may have the responsibility to coach and train you. They don’t have the responsibility to plan a career for you. And they can’t read your mind.

1. When you sit down with your boss to discuss your career plan, be prepared, share what you’ve achieved so far, what your interest are, what your plan is, what help and support you would need from your boss and the company.

1. Other than keeping good daily communication with your boss, also treat the mid-year and final year review seriously. There are a lot people whom think this is more a procedure and don’t take it seriously. Personally, I think the reviews are very important. You can discuss where you stand, if the goals are still viable or should be calibrated and amended, what support you would need, etc. It helps to refresh the mind of your boss about what you want, and the value you’ve brought to the company. Even though it may not mean promotion or change right away, at leave you leave the room better understanding where you are off from your goal, the support you are getting, and development areas that you would need to focus. You would have a more clearer goal to focus on in the next few months.

> Again, be bold and straight forward, tell people exactly what you want. You own your own destiny, not your boss. With it said, pls speak out load, don’t get other people to guess what you want.

早上在吃饭的时候，收到一位好朋友的短信。他告诉我说我们的另一位朋友M 跟他抱怨发短信给我没有回。她有求于我。

天地良心，我赶快去翻短信看看是不是我真的漏了她的请求。我模糊记得几天前是有收到她的短信，但不记得她有求于我。结果短信一看，果然如此，她就简单问我现在过得如何，并告诉我我们公司在她家附近新开了发货中心。仅此而已。

经朋友这样提醒，我大概猜到M 想要什么。估计她对我们发货中心的工作感兴趣，想要我帮忙推荐。 可是她又不明着说。我又不是她肚里的虫，怎么知道她想要什么？更何况，我们好久都没联系，我都不知道她在忙什么。

估计你们在日常中也碰到很多类似的情况。有人想请你帮忙，但老是拐着弯，兜一大圈才说明来意。 真是拜托了，大家生活中的事都很多，真的没那么多时间去猜谜。 有需要的直接点说出来，这样不是可以省去大家的时间吗？

这种事放在工作上也是同样的道理。如果你不告诉你老板你想要什么，自己的职业规划是什么，等你真的等你老板那天突然开窍，那估计你要等到花儿都谢了都未必等到。

这个世界的运作法则很简单，我们自己为自己的将来打拼和负责。自己要主动告诉你老板你想要什么。并和他/她一起计划怎样能够帮你更快地达成。

在我调到美国上班前，我就知道自己想去美国上班的意愿。于是我很慎重地坐下来和老板谈，告诉他我的打算，并请他如果以后机会来的时候可以考虑我。功夫不负有心人，这样的机会终于到了，而我自己也做好了准备，也顺利被调到美国上班。试想想如果我当时没和老板说，没告诉他我自己想要什么，他可能会想到我的打算吗？可能会把这个机会告诉我吗？估计我知道的时候可能黄花菜都凉了。

我在前公司上班的时候，亚洲的部门负责人Y 很少到美国出差。我觉得很好奇。她身处要职，多来美国总部走动，对人际关系也好，对她更了解美国运作，理解产品方向，市场第一手资料等都有很好的帮助。我被告知她家里有年幼的小孩，所以自己不愿意来。

后面我要辞职，位置空出来。我觉得Y 是个人才，非常适合那个职位，所以向老板推荐。结果老板说她不相信Y 有出国的意愿。

后来我知道的真象是：

1. Y 很希望去美国出差。

2. Y 更希望能够调到美国上班，这样对她自己的职业生涯也好，对小孩的教育也好，都是双赢。

可是，由于她没有把自己的真实想法跟老板沟通，造成很大的误解。 我真的为Y 感到可惜，最后，她接受了去越南工作，美国的缺被别人填了。

我在这里想强调的是：

1. 不管你和什么样的老板工作，一定要清楚主动公司他们你自己想要什么，你的职业规划是什么。 只有他们的帮助，可以让你可以更快地达到你自己的职业目标。

2. 你的老板有义务教导你，可是他们并没有义务要帮你规划你的职业路线。而且他们也不会去猜你想要什么。

3. 在和老板坐下来前，要提前做好准备。告诉老板你对公司做出的贡献，你的发展兴趣是什么，需要老板和公司提供什么样的帮助和工具等。

4. 除了日常和老板良性的沟通外，一定要认真对待一年两次的考评。 很多人认为这是形式，不认真对待。个人认为，其实这是错的。 你只有通过考评，才知道你老板对你的看法，知道自己哪些地方做得好，哪些不足，哪些目标不切合实际需要重新调整，需要得到哪些新的帮助等等。 这都将有帮助你调整自己接下来的努力方向。

最后，再次强调，你为你自己的将来负责，不是你老板。只有清楚说出自己所要，才可能更快地通往成功之路。 所以，大声说出吧，不要再让别人去猜你的想法了。

photo source(图片来源)- https://goo.gl/images/JoQBdM