I have not posted in awhile. I was in a rough patch. I guess writing one's own experience has its toll on that person because it brings back trauma and painful memories.
Today I am going to the final part of my story. I am glad it is the final part. So, symptom 7, having trouble making decisions or concentrating. This symptom mostly affected my studies because i was like a headless chicken, dont know what to do or how to do. I had trouble focusing and concentrating on lectures that i dont even know which chapter the teachers were teaching.
The last symptoms is the most disturbing one. Having suicidal thoughts. And if a person is not strong-willed, they will definitely not pass this stage. I remember knowing ways how to end a person's life (well, in this case, my life). At nights when i cant sleep, i lay my bed thinking all about it. I remember thinking wouldnt it be easier if i just disappear. It is easier that way but when i think about all the people that cared about me. I rather keep the pain and suffering to myself and not hurt them. When people who knows about my depression ask me why do people who suffered depression suicides, my answer to them is when a person decided to suicide, it is because they dont want to live with the depression anymore, dying seems like the easy way out.
So, my advice to those out there who are suffering from depression is that, talk to someone, anyone. It really helps and it feels better than fighting it on your own.