SEXUAL ABUSE - HOW TO PROTECT YOUR CHILD

Unfortunately, news of child sexual abuse have become common today and the increase rate is alarming considering that some cases are not even reported.
There are basic steps parents can take to protect their children from sexual abuse

EDUCATE YOURSELF:

Parents need to know who abuse children and the pattern they use. Child molesters are not usually strangers who lurk in the shadows, waiting to pounce on kids and rape them.

In about 90 percent of the cases of sexual abuse of a child, the perpetrator is someone the child already knows and trusts.

It might be hard to believe that a neighbor, teacher, health-care worker, coach, or relative could lust after a child, but these are common cases. There’s no need to suspect everyone though, but being aware of the usual tactics can help parents to be better prepared to act quickly.

For example, if someone who appears to be more interested in children than in adults singles out your child for special attention and gifts or offers free babysitting or private excursions with your child, what will you do?
Though it would not be right to jump to conclusions, it can put you on the alert.

Carefully screen anyone who volunteers to spend time alone with your child. Let the person know that you are likely to check on your child at any time. Even if it’s a lesson teacher or music instructor that comes to the house, insist on staying in an open place.
Such screening may sound extreme, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

BE YOUR CHILD’S 911 NUMBER:

As a parent, if you’re the first person your child runs to in any situation, then your child is 70% safe.
One way to achieve this is to be a good listener.
Children will do not usually disclose abuse directly; they are often too ashamed and worried about the reaction they will receive. Sometimes, they may not even know it’s abuse!
So listen carefully, even for clues that are not so obvious. If a child says something disturbing, calmly ask questions to find out more.

For example, if he says that he does not want a certain babysitter/instructor to come back, ask why. If he doesn't want to spend the holiday in the house of a relative, ask why.
If he says that an adult plays funny games with him, ask him: “What kind of game? What does he do?”
If he complains that someone tickled him, ask him, “Where did he tickle you?” NEVER be quick to dismiss a child’s answers.
Most abusers tell a child that no one will believe him. Unfortunately, that is true most times.

IN BRITISH COLUMBIA, Canada, a recent study examined the careers of 30 child molesters. The results were chilling. The 30 individuals had, between them, abused 2,099 children. Half of them held positions of trust—teachers, ministers, administrators, and child-care workers. One molester, a 50-year-old dentist, had abused nearly 500 children over a 26-year period.

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Another way is to be actively involved in your child’s daily activities and friendships. Learn all the details about any planned excursion. There are countless cases that could have been prevented by simple vigilance by the parents.
Remember, most molesters prefer easy targets.
Parents who are actively involved in their children’s lives make their children difficult targets.
Assure your child that he can always come to you if anyone touches him in a way that’s wrong or makes him feel uncomfortable.

EDUCATE YOUR CHILD

A convicted molester once said, “Give me a kid who knows nothing about sex, and you’ve given me my next victim.”

Children who are ignorant about sex are more likely to fall victim to pedophiles.
Many parents find it awkward to discuss sex with children. Instead of waiting to have a one time big talk with your child when puberty approaches, it is important to start early.
You can start with naming parts of the body. Teach them that there is nothing funny or shameful about any part of their body.
After this, it’s way easier to teach a child what to do in case of abuse.
Boldly tell your child, that his/her private parts is not for anyone to play with—not for Mommy, not for Daddy, not even for a doctor.
This is just a safety message among other messages like how to cross the road. These warnings don’t have to make them afraid or fearful of adults.

Teach your child a balanced view of obedience.
If a child is taught that he must always obey any adult, regardless of the circumstances, then that child would be vulnerable to abuse. Molesters are quick to notice children who are overly compliant. Explain to them that if anybody tells him/her to do something that is wrong, he doesn’t have to do it.

Also, teach your child that no one should ask him to keep a secret from you. Let him know that if anyone asks him to keep any kind of secret from you, he should always come and let you know.
No matter what he is told—even if scary threats are made or he has done something wrong himself—it is always OK to come to Mommy or Daddy and tell them all about it, without being scared.

GIVE YOUR CHILD A PROTECTIVE TOOL KIT

Teach your child some simple actions to take in case someone tries to take advantage of him in your absence.
A recommended method is to do it like a game.
Parents ask “What if . . . ?” and the child answers.
For example, “What if we were at the store together and we got separated? How would you find me? Can you think of anything you could do that would be safer?”
Similar questions can be used to ask a child what the safest response would be if someone tried to touch him in a wrong way. If the child is easily alarmed by such questions, you might try telling a story about another child.
For example: “A little girl is with a relative she likes, but then he tries to touch her where he shouldn’t. What do you think she should do to stay safe?”

One author says: “A firm ‘No!’ or ‘Don’t do that!’ or ‘Leave me alone!’ does wonders to frighten the seductive offender into retreat and into rethinking his or her choice of victim.”

You could also act out brief scenarios with your child so that he feels confident to refuse loudly, get away quickly, and report to you whatever has happened. Repeating these instructions occasionally would be good because the child could easily forget.
All the child’s direct caregivers, including the males—whether father, stepfather, or other male relatives—should be part of these discussions.
This is important because all involved in such teaching are basically promising the child that they will never commit such acts of abuse.

MAKE YOUR HOME SAFE

Create a home atmosphere that is emotionally safe for children. Home should be a place where they feel built up, where they feel free to open their hearts and speak freely.
If your children have access to the Internet, they need instructions on how to use it safely. There are countless pornographic sites social networks where pedophiles seek out and seduce children. The computer should be kept in an open area like a general room where parents can more easily monitor its use.

Give your children due privacy!

One woman recalls: “After Mom died, my father was the only one in the house who had curtains on his windows or a door into his bedroom. He gave us no privacy—even in the bathroom.”
This man molested all his daughters.

Every family member needs to understand the importance of privacy. As children mature, they will need more privacy. Avoid barging into their rooms or embarrassing situations.

Children have a great need for physical expressions of love—hugging, handholding, playing, etc.
Do not withhold these demonstrations of love.
Teach children through open, warm affection and praise that they are valued. Some parents think commendation will give the child “a big head”.
Children who do not feel loved or may be more receptive to an abuser’s praise, or his “affection,” or his threats to withdraw it.
Don’t create that emotional need in your child.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD FALLS A VICTIM

Parents need to watch out for signs of abuse so they can easily identify them.

Signs like: complaints of pain while urinating or defecating, genital infections, abrasions or lesions in the genital area, the sudden onset of bed-wetting, a sudden fear of such places as school or parts of the house, periods of panic, an extreme fear of undressing, a fear of being alone with a familiar person, and self-mutilation.

Each of these symptoms do not necessarily mean that a child has actually been sexually abused. It could be some other problem. But if you see disturbing symptoms, gently ask questions like, “If anyone ever touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, I want you to know that you can always tell me, and I’ll do all I can to protect you. Has anything like that ever happened to you?”

React Cautiously

Your first reaction will determine how quickly your child will recover.
The last thing your child needs is blames. Assure the child that that the abuse was the abuser’s fault, not the child’s; that the child is not “bad”, assure the child that he/she is loved.
Praise the child for being so brave as to tell you what happened. Repeatedly reassure the child that you will do your best to provide protection.

Innocent children are traumatised if they are not believed and protected. Their whole future is at stake. Trauma can scar and shape them adversely for life, so give them the tender treatment they need.
Many responsible parents seek professional help for an abused child. Help your child rebuild his or her shattered self-esteem through a steady display of parental love.

Expose the Lies

Abuse makes children feel dirty, unlovable and worthless. So expose the lies, and replace them with the truth—gently, repeatedly, patiently. Make them feel loved.

Be Practical

Telling abuse survivors to simply forget the past does not really make much sense. If they could do so, they would have done that already and would not need any further help. Spend more time with your kids and do your best to make them feel safe.

References 1, 2, 3
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