You are heading onto a dark and dangerous road, not just for yourself, but for your kids also. It is not a road to be traveled lightly, and preferably, not alone.

I have no right to give you advice and you do not have to read it or follow it. But please understand that what I am about to write comes from a desire to see you and your children safe and well.

The highest domestic murder rates are during and just after a breakup. You may think he would not do that to you or your children, but consider this, most of the victims thought the same thing. I don't say this to frighten you into staying with him, but to urge you to plan ahead and accept that there are very real risks to what you propose.

I agree that you should delay this until you can do it without the children present. This problem is between you and your husband. They don't need to see it play out. Maybe send them off to your father's for the weekend.

Then you can focus on your own safety. When you tell him, have some friends close by, as in sitting in a car outside. Make sure the doors are unlocked so they are not impeded from coming to your rescue if needs be. Don't rely on a call to the police to be your savior. They may take some time arriving and you may have precious little time once you tell him.

Use the time you have now to plan everything out, to put systems in place to keep you safe. Be prepared that he may not leave, that you may have to leave. Pack up all the things that are important to you and your kids and have them sitting in the car outside with your friends. That way if you need to walk out, you can just do it and not look back.

Prepare for this like you have prepared for nothing else. It is your freedom, your children's freedom and the rest of your life you are putting into the balance. Take the time to make sure you have the best possible chance for it to go the way you want it to go, and if it doesn't, you have a backup plan.

Whatever happens, life will be different. Hopefully it will be better, but nothing is guaranteed. My one hope for you is that once you fully decide to do this, the decision is final, and you walk though blood and fire and whatever else is thrown at you, with your head held high and your faith in yourself unshakable, knowing that what you are doing is the right thing, the only thing, and you will see it though.

I wish you nothing but the best. Keep safe, and know that there are people who care about you, even if it seems the whole world is against you.

Kia kaha, be strong.