They way you articulate your experience truly flows with the experience. DBT is one of the most comprehensive psychotherapies I have seen in action.
You talk about not deserving PTSD but I spend a lot of time with people who have other diagnoses because of sustained periods of PTSD without treatment. PTSD is highly treatable, yet significantly undiagnosed in people who experience trauma - especially from road crashes and traumatic childbirth as well as domestic violence. You are not alone.
Your illustration of this - in word and graphical representation is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for your encouragement @kristyawagner. It is a tough ride through treatment, I'll say that much :)
The ride is tough but it is worth it. The more insight you get into how your body responds to triggering actions and the more you triggers you identify the more control you will find you have over it. It takes time and lots of self-care even when it seems impossible. You are the best information source about yourself so you are in a prime position to get control over this. You will get there.
Thanks for the pep talk @kristyawagner. I appreciate the time you've taken to write this.