Question #7: Do you often feel self-pity? If so, why?

A NEW YEAR (A.N.Y.), a new way question series:

On January first, I posted our first article in this series explaining a new way to approach New Year's resolutions. Each day we will explore a different question that challenges us to understand ourselves better. The format will be as follows: I will post the previous day's question with my answer followed by the next day's question for contemplation.

Here is my answer: What is self-pity? It might be best to understand what the word means before I can identify if it applies to me.

This is Wikipedia’s definition:(I’ve included a link to the actual page)

Though the primary focus of self-pity is on the self and one's own emotions that are within, it also has a strong interpersonal component. Being an interpersonal emotion is directing the emotional feeling or response toward others with the goal of attracting attention, empathy or help.

Hmmmm... directing the emotional feeling or response towards others with the goal of attracting attention, empathy or help... how many of you have done that? I know I have COUNTLESS times even if it have been unconsciously. My most significant method of doing this has been through sharing my sordid past over and over again. I have some experienced some impactful events and been affected by some nightmare-ish characters. The "Poor Jax" story was compiled using carefully selected highlights to give the most impact and get that "wow" factor that I was looking for. When coming in contact with another life warrior, I could easily reach back into my arsenal and stand triumphant in a Scar Wars battle.

Scar Wars

I love the Lethal Weapon movies series and in the third release we see an excellent example of a scar battle. Mel Gibson and Rene Russo are two tough cookies and have been in many near death experiences. Mel Gibson received a minor head wound and Rene's character was applying some medical attention to it. She spot another scar on his head and asked if it was a knife wound. Soon it escalated to a displaying of scars in hopes to "one-up" each other and show who was the toughest of the two. I find that we do that with our own personal experiences. I was talking with a man who had a horrific past and when he shared with me some highlights of his story reel I was surprised with my response. It wasn't to console him; instead it was to reach down into my own story stockpile and pick out the nastiest events to show that I too had suffered. It was important to show my own life scars; I needed to be a contender. My goal was to show him how far I had come and also justify some of the insane choices I had made. I was strongly impacted with how our conversation ended. When he was done showing me his impressive scar inventory through a series of blogs he wrote, he stated that "It's amazing what a human can endure". That is very true for there are a vast amount of personal accounts of the suffering that humans have endured. When I paraphrased his response and replied with, "It's amazing what a human can heal from?" I got complete silence and our dialogue stopped.

Stuck in Story Mode

It bugged me why didn't he want to pursue that conversation any further. I had shared earlier in our conversation how I had found methods that positively changed the dynamics of my life and he wasn't interested in hearing about those. Instead he shared with me all the methods that he attempted and had achieved minimal results from. I began to wonder if he really didn't want to get the results because his story was the perfect weapon to power his excuses. It didn't matter what behavior he exhibited he had a scar primed and ready to fire at any time when his behavior needed to be justified. Say he behaved like a jerk, well instead of taking accountability for his actions or how a false belief is driving the behavior, he can just reach back and pull out a ready-baked rationalization for it. He experienced a great deal but this won't help him break the victim cycle he is in.

R.I.P. Story time

If he is anything like me he could use that arsonal to get sympathy or ,even better, "pats on the back" for his level of recovery? Living a life of recovery when you have great stories gives you a weak form of celebrity status for people use that as a means to describe you. "You would never know that Jacqueline came from the background she is with the life she lives now... blah blah blah". Either way, keeping his past story in his present paradigm is a burden for it takes up the mental real estate that where new and positive stories could reside. When I wrote my response for question 4 the feeling of enough was enough resonated deep within my soul. How many times have I told people of the terrible time I had with my parents and the traumas associated with my childhood? Especially now when the relationship with my mom is 100 times better than it ever was. I'm getting tired of telling the same sad story over and over again so it's time for a change! Unless it is absolutely necessary to dig a story up for the purpose of helping someone else, what's buried in the past will stay in the past. My question now... who am I without my stories?

Did this response resonate with you? I would love to hear your take on the question and how it impacted you. Please post your thoughts below.

Tomorrow's question:
Do you envy people who are more successful?
Response posted tomorrow.

Who is the Common Guru? Here is our introductory article
Follow us on Twitter
Subscribe to our YouTube channel. Videos are now posted!!!
Like us on Facebook