(Not) Hilarious episodes with animals

From my childhood of course, when we have such a nice commemorative theme of the week. When I was trying to remember some of my children's experiences, I remembered a couple of events with animals (I added a photo with our little birdies, but this post is not about them). They are rather shorter, but I don't know exactly their count, because maybe I will recall more during the writing.

Panic at school

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Do you remember Art lessons at elementary school? I remember this one quite well. Well, I don't remember what we were supposed to draw, but I think it was Kokořín Castle, where we were for a school trip one day before. I was painting my castle when suddenly one of my classmates started screaming:
"Jana, you got a tick!"
"What? Where?"
"Jana, you will die!"
"What???" I don't want to die! I start crying. It was the first tick in my life.
Suddenly, the teacher came.
Someone from my classmates: "Mrs. teacher, Jana has a tick!"
Mrs. teacher: "Well, what am I supposed to do? I'll call your parents, Jana, pack your stuff."
I continued crying and cleaned up my watercolors. After a while my mother came to pick me, covered with tears, up (she's always been a household woman). I don't remember what we were discussing during our way home, but I have already calmed down. It's just a tick...

Troubles continued at home as it was the first tick not only for me but also for my mother. She didn't know how to twist it out without breaking its butt. In all the instructions, they used only classic tweezers, and my mother simply didn't have balls to do so. If she won't guess the right pressure or twist it a little too much, Jana dies, you know.

So she called my child doctor what to do, and she said we should go to her office. In a few minutes, we were in the office that was just a few entrances from ours. A nurse came to the waiting room, she put some cream on the tick, and a few minutes later she was back with a towel. She swirled a few times over the tick and ta-da. It was outside. We remembered the trick, and next time there was no need to call an ambulance because of one stupid tick.

Gift on T-shirt

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I've always loved birds. Especially the little cute chickens and ducklings and one of my dreams was to have one or at least to cuddle one. And I didn't have to wait for long. One summer I spent holidays at my aunt's, where, besides hens, rabbits, cat, and dog, they had ducks. And those ducks had little ducklings.

Well, there's no need to say more. The ducklings had to be moved from point A to point B (I'm not sure why, but I think some hen hatched the eggs because the ducks are lazy, and after the hatching, they were moved to the real parents) and I got one of them. It was such a small, soft and yellow little birdie who didn't know what was happening to it, and it was afraid so much that it pooped me. And because I had the palms with the duckling near my body, the whole poop was on my T-shirt.

Fortunately, that gift was completely washed, and I wore this T-shirt for another x years.

Mysterious sound

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It happened during one of my last summer holidays I spent at my grandparent's. I was there whole two months. My grandparents built a giant house when my mother was still a little kid. Such a typical two-generation house because they naively thought one of their daughters would stay there. They didn't. The first floor is therefore empty and almost uninhabitable. There's just a room I've been sleeping in for the past few years. Nobody is going there, so I had privacy. But for a bath, you had to go to the ground floor to my grandparents. Once I bathed and went upstairs to the room. I was on the stairs when suddenly I hear some strange sound from the cellar. What the hell? Well, on my trip I had full hands (clothes, comb, ...) so I first got rid of them, and then I went to see where the sounds are coming from.

It was dark, so the cellar was pretty scary, and I didn't even know what to expect. I first thought that it is their cat, but then I found out it was sleeping in the kitchen. I simply didn't find out where the sound went from. So I came to my grandfather and told him about it. That night, the mystery was not solved, but in the morning my grandfather showed me what had happened.

He went to the boiler room in the morning and heard the sound coming from an old tin bucket that was under the shelf. He pulled it out and found a... hedgehog.

The hedgehog had to come in the boiler room through a cellar window and in some, mysterious (there was about 5 cm of free space between the top edge of the bucket and the first rack shelf), way it got into the bucket. And when it moved, its spines made the weird sound.

I didn't see it anymore, because my grandfather managed to let it go in the garden. So maybe he was just kidding me :D

Oh, those cats...

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Episode 1: Parasites

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My grandparents (those from the previous story) always had a cat. When I was young, cats were purely outdoors. So they were not allowed to go to the house, and they just had a bowl in front of the front door. But that changed a few years ago. The Macík came. There were about three Macíks (when one didn't come back home or died, they just got a new one) and they had total freedom. They were 2in1 cats. Both domestic and outdoor at the same time. They went out a few times a day and otherwise were at home. It is the worst evil in the world, as they came home with fleas, and guess which precious flesh those fleas preferred? Yeah, the fresh and juicy pubertal body.

My grandfather didn't want me to believe I had fleas. They're cat fleas, don't they? But what could I do? In my spare time, I sat on the bed, where these uninvited guests were well-seen (white sheet + black flea), catching them, and drowning them. One year I drowned about twenty of them. I could just start a flea circus. Evil cats...

Episode 2: Cheese or not cheese?

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It was a fairly hot summer, and for about a 14 days, every time I went upstairs, I smelled a strange smell. It reminded me of some cheese. Of course, I didn't know where it came from. I'm a pretty bad detective. My grandfather found out what it was when he went to open the window in the attic. Macik III. had eaten some goddamn thing outside, got shit, and let it out near the door to the attic. Exactly in that one place, I didn't think of and where no one went for a long time. So the cat shit matured for a long time.

And I didn't even mention that he had the same accident on the dining table. A DINING TABLE! Fortunately, I was not there. Evil cats...

Episode 3: Enjoy your meal!

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Again, it was Macík III. From one of the trips, he went back sore, stinking, and all day he was lying on the bathroom rug. Probably he fought somewhere. The only thing to got him up was food.

It was lunchtime. We had a duck with dumplings and cabbage. Macík joined us. This time he wasn't on the table. He had his dining table on the tiles at the stove. My grandfather threw him a couple of bones, and we all started to eat.

We were eating when I suddenly looked at Macík. At first, he looked quite normal, as we can say about the sick cat, but suddenly some white fluid started to drip off his knee (Do cats have knees?). After a few drops, it suddenly began to make a pretty decent stream. What the hell? Is that cat a robot and has some white fluid instead of blood?

Of course, he immediately started licking it because it looked like milk. We started screaming at him not to do it! What if it kills him! He didn't care about our advice, so my grandmother had to pull him off and wipe the puddle.

What should I say? It was not robot blood. He probably just had some sore, and a good portion of pus was poured out. The man completely lost his taste. So now I wish you a good appetite too! Evil cats...