It's 2026 and Google Has Acquired Steemit.com: A Steemit Post from the Future!

in #censorship8 years ago (edited)

google

Hello, my beloved followers, I come to you today with another positive Steemit post.

I want to start off with my usual disclaimer, now obligatory for all Steemit posts:

The contents of this post in no way, shape or form reflect the views, opinions or ideals of Steemit, Inc. Support groups for hurt feelings are held under the tag #safespace

Before we begin, here is a message from our sponsors:

An Open Letter

I, @schattenjaeger, hereby take back any possible statements I may have previously made about free speech and censorship.

I feel that in order to ensure a fun and safe internet for everyone, we must protect the rights of people to not find offensive, mean or otherwise discomforting content on social media which could possibly hurt their feelings. The internet should never be a haven for memes that people could possibly find either insulting, rude, derogatory, disrespectful, hurtful, wounding, abusive, objectionable, displeasing, annoying, exasperating, irritating, vexing, galling, provocative, provoking, humiliating, impertinent, impudent, insolent, personal, discourteous, uncivil, impolite, unmannerly, unacceptable, shocking, scandalous, or otherwise outrageous in any form.

Rather, the internet and social media should be a place for people to have fun, smile and share cat videos.

I am happy to announce that from this moment on my page will only include content that.. I'm sorry, I can't..

edited

content that will appeal to the lowest common denominator and put smiles on people's faces. It is a form of oppression that people freely exchange thoughts and ideas that only appeal to specific groups of people and will exclude those dumb enough to understand it. No one should ever be made to feel dumb and it is racism to think otherwise.

Your right to free speech ends where someone's feelings begin and words can be violent.

I welcome the hard working Panel of Intellectual Academics to pre-censor Steemit posts in order to filter out negative posts. This is done to protect everyone, and is in no form a way to protect certain political ideas.

With that out of the way, here is my current Top 10 of shows on television!

  1. Cooking with the Kardashians
  2. Cooking with Cats
  3. Cooking a Cat
  4. Cooking at the Altar
  5. A Cooking Show
  6. Cooking with the Real Housewives
  7. Cats Cooking
  8. Cooking in the Jungle: The Reality TV Show
  9. Politically Correct Cooking: How to Prepare Inoffensive Dinners
  10. Big Brother

Now I will tell you all about my day!

My day was as happily boring and mundane as every one of my days! I woke up during the night after seeing some bad dreams, but thankfully swallowed my anti-bad dream censorship pills that protect me from harmful thoughts and was able to go back to sleep.

I went to work to earn money to pay taxes with, which is the ultimate honor in a man's life. I made just enough after taxes to stay alive until tomorrow when I go back to work to earn more taxes. My work day was uneventful, just as I like, there is nothing interesting to tell you guys about it.

After work I prepared my inoffensive meal, as taught by one of my favorite television shows, and ate it while watching more television - this time I watched a show not on today's top 10 list called "Astronaut Bachelor". It was highly entertaining and during the show I was informed by the show's great advertisers of what I'm going to be eating tomorrow. A highly entertaining five hour tv show, I may be adding it to my top 10 list at some point, but I need to watch it a bit more.

After another five hours of doing nothing but watching television, I of course logged into Steemit to write this post. I had to make sure not to include content that could be found anti-corporate friendly, but after consulting with the Panel of Intellectual Academics I felt good enough about today's content to post it.

Of course, I could and can and should always aspire to better and safer content since the battle for political correctness can never truly be one. I hope that people will let me know in the comments any possible offensive things said in this post, and I will say 99 rosaries to atone for my sins. And of course, do your part as usual and flag this post at the slightest offensive remark made, I deserve it.

My top picks for Steemit today are:

  • Corporate Lives Matter
  • NSA: To Protect and to Serve
  • Why Surveillance is Good for You

Congratulations to all the winners!

That pretty much concludes another Steemit post, I hope you all enjoyed it.

Just remember that due to the new rules, we do have a female quota on the upvotes, so if you are a male, make sure you don't upvote before a female and please understand that the upvotes need to split 50/50 between genders.

Also, remember to do this without assuming anyone's gender.

See you next time when we will be discussing the benefits of the upcoming hardfork that will finally change Steemit's algorithms in a way that will make posts invisible to everybody but you, which will further prevent hurt feelings!

This post has been edited by Google, Inc.

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I would die in that society. No, literally die, what I am able to eat will surely be on the banned list. And all of the foods on the accepted list will kill me (slowly or quickly).

So, I will be a rebel by necessity.

And? The Kardashians can cook? Or is it a show about how to boil water without burning?

It's "How to Literally Boil Water Without Burning".

We still have time to stop Skynet

Hey, Terminator lives matter.

I want nothing to do with your future, lol. Sending you $1 via SBD for the entertaining blog from the future.

Oh, my. Thanks a lot. And thank you for reading, I'm happy that it entertained you. :)

When I borrowed Doc Brown's DeLorean, he said no good things would come out of messing with the space-time continuum, but clearly he was wrong.

Cooking a Cat

What.

Cat videos are offensive to dogs, by the way.

No they are not! The dog I am sitting loves the show "Cooking a Cat"!
It seems to be his favorite.

By 'cat videos' I meant the offensive propaganda where they show priviledged kittens who try to appear adorable to the public. They are highly addictive, disruptive to everyday lives and act as messages of hate.

But I've never heard of the show before, I'm glad your dog likes it! I can't have a dog in my apartment because my lessor is such a cynophobic bigot.

What was that crack about rosaries? Did you just assume my religion?

I sincerely apologize. I shall now whip myself for being so insensitive, sir. Or ma'am. Whatever you prefer, mister. Damn it!

This post has been ranked within the top 80 most undervalued posts in the second half of Dec 14. We estimate that this post is undervalued by $7.63 as compared to a scenario in which every voter had an equal say.

See the full rankings and details in The Daily Tribune: Dec 14 - Part II. You can also read about some of our methodology, data analysis and technical details in our initial post.

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I like having choices. If I don't like the Harry Potter books then I should be able to skip right passed that conversation along with the memes. Why not? ;)

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