When The Clenching Started I Knew We Were In No Man's Land (Part One)

I'm going to make the suggestion that if you decide to read this post, you not be eating or drinking anything for a few minutes so that you don't choke. I can't give you the virtual Heimlich maneuver and I would feel horrible if you choked. You know, because I made you laugh out of shock while I tell you what happened to me the other day and try to explain.

This Is A True Story

To start, we are going to listen to "Canned Heat" from 1970... to really set the tone. (Plus, I really love killer harmonica playing and this version is better than the version sung at Woodstock before the band officially released it. ( In my humble opinion, of course.)

(This alternate take for the song "On The Road Again" was posted to YouTube by Kaan Erbaydar on Apr. 29, 2013. I think Willie Nelson actually wrote the lyrics for the song back in the late 60's. I can smell skunk every time I listen to it and I highly recommend you roll yourself a fattie for full effect before you read any further.)

On With My Story

@knarly327 and I had a good friend come over to our house for a visit. It was early afternoon on a Saturday and all 3 of us were just hanging out and relaxing. This friend is male, over 6' tall and about 220 lbs. He's completely bilingual, in Canada's 2 official languages (French and English). By nationality, he is French Canadian and Metis. Due to his height and dark hair, he has a "je ne sais quoi presence" about him. The type of presence that commands attention where ever he goes. He can't blend in anywhere to save his life. This is made worse if he's excited about something because his French enthusiasm leaks right out of him. This is a level of passion that is decidedly French Canadian and he can get quite animated and really funny...especially if he gets wound up.

I take great pleasure in winding him up (by the way) so you can just imagine how loud and gregarious the two of us can get. All @knarly327 can do is laugh at our "improv dog and pony show" of one liners. That, and keep our vapourizers "shatter" loaded.

Like us, our friend uses cannabis regularly and has done so for over 30 years. Unlike us, he's still in the cannabis closet. He has always done his utmost to conceal the fact that the herb is part of his life. He's a well-educated, working professional, middle-aged man who's now a grandfather. He's just starting to embrace the fact that he doesn't have to hide his lifestyle anymore and that around us, he can be himself.

Coming Out Of The Cannabis Closet Is An Uncomfortable Process For Most

We had bought a few new vapourizers. These ones look like ball-point pens, are rechargeable and have small re-fillable tanks. They are meant to be use with a vapable liquid base formula blended with shatter.

Pro-tip: Shatter is an exceptionally potent form of cannabinoid and terpene medicine that gets made through a special extraction process. Shatters can contain 90+ % THC and are extremely concentrated. As a result, a small amount is incredibly potent. Better quality shatters are generally a golden colour and transparent. Just like stained glass, you can see right through shatter when you hold it up to a light source and like glass it can be easily broken. This is why it is called shatter.

In the photos below (from left to right) you can see my new shatter vape beside a ball-point pen for comparison. Next to this is the packaging belonging to a commercially prepared gram of shatter and then what the shatter actually looks like.

In addition to buying one of these slim-lined vapes for each of us, we also bought one for our friend. We were also able to buy the liquid base formula that gets blended with a full gram of shatter. This makes the whole mixture vapable and it will produce a nice aroma-free cloud. This shatter suspension will fill 3 vape tanks.

It's Very Discrete, Portable And The Best Part, There's No "Eau De Skunk"

Unfortunately, we didn't have time to go and buy the shatter in advance of our friend's visit. Once we explained what the protocol is for making this magic elixir to our friend, I exuberantly asked him if he wanted to come on a "dispensary run" with us. "This would let us pick-up some shatter so that we could could try this. We've never made the shatter juice before, so think of it like a field-trip with a fun experiment at the end", I proposed. 

It Was Just Like Giving A Kid A New Toy But Not The Batteries To Operate It 

It took 2 seconds to achieve complete buy-in from all parties involved. "This is going to be so much fun! " I quipped. "We'll go to a relatively new dispensary. I'll show you around and then we can go shopping!"

Secretly, this is one of my favourite things to do. Someday, I would like to be a Cannabis Dispensary Tour Guide. In my mind, I can envision a short bus with a dedicated driver, a bitchin sound system and room to hold about 12 baby boomers at a time. "Becca's Hot Boxin Bus", makes me laugh every time I think about the concept. I also think it was mighty nice of The Who to give me my own theme song, just for this application:

(This was posted to YouTube by drage1862 on June 27th, 2008. The song was originally released by The Who in 1968 and made it to number 26 on the music charts (back in its day) which was about 4 years before I was born. My parents were hippies so I grew up with a healthy dose of Santana, Zeppelin and The Who. Some kids remember nursery rhymes, I remember this music. It wasn't so bad, I just didn't really start to appreciate this until I was in my early 30's.)

 We All Get In Our VW, Standard Diesel Golf

I know it's such a stereo-type, and in my case the shoe fits perfectly. By day I also eat a high plant based diet, am a massage therapist and a cannabis educator whose parents conceived her in 1971. The conversation in the car was lively. Our friend is always curious to learn about what I am up to. I'm sitting in the back and I yell over the stereo in the general direction of the passenger's seat "Oh, I'm just figuring out how to make and dose rectal suppositories."

After a few seconds he says,"you mean, like infused with pot somehow and inserted up the.......?" He paused for a really long time, so I offered "Yeah, past the anus, not more than an inch and a half up inside the rectum though."

 After 10 Seconds Of Silence Our Friend Manages To Question "REALLY !?!"

To which I replied, "Yeah as long as it isn't inserted any further up the rectum than an inch and a half, so that the plant medicine won't come in direct contact with the rectal artery. Much higher doses of cannabis concentrate can be taken this way and the person can still function. You can tell that there is medicine in your body, yet you still have complete control of your body and speech without pain and without being so sedated that you can't do anything or carry on a conversation with someone. This ingestion method is often used by people with stage four cancer."

To Which, Our Friend Than Asks The Next Logical Question

"Well, what happens if it gets inserted up too high?"

"The person could be really high for more than 24 hours and would be sleeping for a lot of that time."

"It's not the worst thing in the world but when you're trying to live, you don't necessarily want to be heavily sedated all the time."

"Then, there's diseases specific to the colon and other glands (located in the same general vicinity as the rectum) that can be helped directly, too." I offered.

"Well That's Really Cool.", Our Friend Responded  

"Yeah, new information about how this herb can be used is being shared all the time. Just like women being able to use it vaginally for menstral cramps", I just managed to share this fact before we arrived at the dispensary.

"Oh look we're here!", our friend proclaimed with a decidedly relieved tone in his voice. (Happy to be released from his social obligation to keep up his side of a conversation with me about women's needs.)

@knarly327 had been quietly driving all this time. I think he figured that our friend was doing a fine job navigating his way through the twists and turns which can be a regular part of having a conversation with me. (Especially about cannabis.)

The 3 Of Us Enter The Well Appointed Dispensary, It Resembled A Jewelry Store

Once inside I took a quick inventory of the other people we were sharing space and a potential buying experience with. There were 6 staff members manning a u-shaped, lit counter full of product displays.  There were 2 males (in their twenties) that were in the process of paying for their purchases and leaving and there were 3 couples who looked to all be in their early sixties. They seemed decidedly nervous and unsure about what they should be doing or not doing and I could tell that it was their first time in the shop because several of them were filling out new client forms.

I bellied up to the counter and immediately proclaimed:

"That's Awesome! Look Suppositories! Impressive. This Is Rare To See For Sale."

All the men (within ear-shot of me) started to subconsciously clench their butt cheeks. Being a therapist, I recognized the slightly strained rigid postures that the bodies around me were taking. (It's difficult to slouch and clench at the same time.) Interesting, I thought.

We Are Now In No Man's land 

I decide to say, "Just let me put my reading glasses on so that I can take a closer look for all of us."

(I just started needing to wear reading glasses when I want to read print smaller than the font size that's typically used in a newspaper or a book.  Right now, it's still a novelty.)

Once I had my glasses on, I took a better look at the front of the package through the glass.

With these graphics for a background and this font, you can see why a little magnification was in order. I quickly determined that they were vaginal suppositories. I proceed to have a one sided conversation with my audience. "Oh, not to worry, these beauties are vaginal."

 Our friend was standing behind me and I say over my shoulder to him "See, I didn't make this up. This is what I was  just taking about a few minutes ago."

"They help with menstrual cramps, back pain, and the pain associated with urinary track and sexual transmitted infections. Let's not forget that they're also supposed to make sex better... Well, I've got to see how much it's going to cost to keep my vagina happy."

I Asked For A Price Check

Out of our peripheral visions both my friend and I could see all the men relax and take little sighs of relief. Some were trying really hard not to laugh. The women now became noticeably uncomfortable. They were clenching their nether regions at the mere thought of having to use a suppository. They were also simultaneously glaring at (presumably) their husbands who weren't doing a very good job at hiding their amusement  and interest in my choice of small talk conversation.

 Our friend (remember the man who isn't quite out of the cannabis closet yet and doesn't really like to be seen as partaking) was snickering too.

Unfortunately, this dispensary was out of shatter so we had to carry on to another one before we were successful at buying any.

I did buy the suppositories. The package contained 5 individual doses. They are made with organic cocoa butter and concentrated oil from cannabis grown in British Columbia, Canada. Below is a photo of what they looked like in the package.

The next photo shows how the melted cocoa butter was poured into the mold and in the centre you can see holes where it looks like the fully extracted cannabis oil was inserted.

Here's what one looks like out of its package:

To Be Continued...

I welcome your comments and I invite you to follow me on my journey...occasionally we are going to find ourselves in no man's land.

~ Rebecca Ryan