Dear Konstantin,
I really like this article. I voted for it. I know the struggle you face and I want you to know that I think you are heroic for trying and failing and continuing to try. Things are going to get easier for you. Never ask god for favors. Ask the universe for favors and the universe will provide for you. The universe has never given up on me and I will never give up on the universe. I want you to keep writing. Your story is compelling. Most importantly, never stop dreaming.