It is a funny old time of the year. Ultimately it is about bringing people together, even if it is loaded with gifts as is the norm now. Nearly everyone expects to receive something from others. I know in Ireland, it is unheard of to call on someone over xmas without a gift for them. Usually it is a tin of biscuits or sweets, but I know my mother will have bought some for all the surrounding neighbours. It is really such a sugar holiday.

Nestle and Cadbury must be making a mint right now. Everyone ignores the health warnings (don't even get me started on Nestle's history of abuse) and just goes all out. Sugar, sugar, sugar it's all about the sugar right now. All these limited edition chocolates, trying so hard to out do one another and themselves from last year.

My mum still buys selection boxes every year for her daughters, myself included even though I do not celebrate xmas and don't eat the chocolate. But Wow these customs are hard to break, but then within western society we crave customs, rituals and celebrations. There is such a huge lack of them, that something as simple as buying certain chocolates over Christmas becomes something we just don't want to let go of. There is sense of longing and wanting that we try so hard to fill, with whatever we can lay our hands on.

It makes us feel secure when we are able to continue with certain traditions, giving us a sense of comfort and peace. Having things that are familiar. The simply act of wrapping gifts is a ritual in itself, to give something and receive something in return, it is an exchange of energy, of love. Because we like to gift something to those we love and respect. It is something really important and something that we should be doing.

But somewhere along the way it got hijacked and now it is all about status, wealth, appearance and sugar. From the neighbourly gift of biscuits to the hugely extravagant gifts that some exchange. People have developed these expectations that are mostly fed by ego and not from the heart. When we exchange energy, or items with people we have this opportunity to really connect with them, to open our hearts to them. But instead we have children that are growing up spoilt and always wanting, wanting something bigger and better than before and plenty of adults like that too. This materialistic world is driving us away from ourselves and our needs. It is all a culture of want.

Okay maybe I am getting a bit carried away by the whole concept of exchanging gifts. But that is the point it is an exchange, ultimately it is still an exchange of energy, only now it is wrapped up in shiny paper and weighted down with expectations, worry, debt and unhappiness. People want things, so many things. All the things that are advertised daily. They believe, they will not be happy until they have these things. But these things are just a filler, because we are still left with this sense of longing and wanting. They may distract us for a while, but those feelings return. Because it is not about the material exchange, it is about the energy exchange.

Some of us are missing out on that, on that sense of joy and love and wonder and acceptance. Yes it is so nice to give and to receive, but all of these presents are worth nothing if we do not feel valued and accepted. If we are not given the time to be heard and understood. These are the real gifts we can give someone.

I have realized recently that the main reason I was so unhappy in my last relationship was because I did not feel valued. For some reason I found it really hard to articulate that. After 11 years together and 3 children, I was with some one who did not value me for who I was, and as a result I could not truly value him. It is like that sometimes, in our relationships, a loop. We feed one another, if something is lacking for one, then it is usually lacking for the other. That exchange of respect , of energy was missing and in the end one thing led to another and we split.

This is the first solstice and xmas that I spend with just me and my girls and even though I know that I am better off this way, it is bringing up lots of emotions and memories. It is so nice to celebrate with others, to have some one that you share these moments with, share the excitement and celebrations with. I am so lucky to have my girls to do that with, but it is not the same. Not the same as having your partner next to you, to stay up late talking about how things have gone this last year. I miss that most, but some day it may come again. But here I have side tracked, as is the way when we reminisce. I was talking of gifts and the most important thing to remember is......

At the end of this year, think about what it is, that you really wish to gift some one with. Give them something that will honour them and empower them, something that only you can give!

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