Sci-fi Story - Independent Cinema - Part 1

in #busy5 years ago (edited)

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”Rowing against the current is useless, brother," said Timur. He wasn't a producer who said 'yes' quickly. In every project we made, I had to try hard to convince him.

"Abyss swept the place. Most of the independent producers are out of business. I'm dying if you ask me.”

“You didn't even listen to the project properly.”

“'The Mist of Loneliness' was a great project. It's a masterpiece if you ask me. We barely got our money out. Back then, these bastards didn't develop Abyss that much. Last year we filmed 'The Dark Sun' with Mustafa Fatsalilar. It's a perfect film. The result? Look, the more I think about it, the more I'm still shaking. The independent producer thing is over, man.”

“People got used to those soulless movies.”

“He gets half the revenue, he can get it, ok, because the costs are falling a little bit. But they get involved. It's such a system that the movie stops being yours. I can't even think of directors if I'm so bored as a producer.”

“Things with templates don't become permanent. After a while, the audience gets bored.”

"I have children, brother. They will go to university. Look, let me tell you something. We're not dead yet; no one can take away our job. You're going to cut your budget in half; you're going to go through Abyss in full detail. Then we'll talk again. Then you can tell me why it works. I also studied it; I listened to it from my friends who made films in the Abyss system. I read what I found. Your point of view as a director would be different, of course. There's no smoke coming out where there is no fire. We have to shoot them with their guns. You know what I mean?”

”Let me see what I can do," I replied. I wasn't thinking to cut the budget. I wasn't interested in Abyss either. However, it was too early to discuss these with Timur.

As soon as I got out of Timur's office, my phone rang. After I dropped the price for the third time, I had a buyer for my car finally. It was time for me to say goodbye to my Audi F12, one of the first generation flying cars. My agenda wasn't as busy as it used to be, so in case of an urgent need, I could have taken an air taxi. The boy who was going to buy the car was very excited; he obviously got his eye on the F12 model in time, dreamed it up over the years and finally got to the point where he could get it. When I completed the sale and got my money, I paid my accumulated six-month rent, cleared the small debts I had received from my friends, and called Selin and asked her what she was doing in the evening. I'm glad she accepted my offer.

I met Selin in Moda at a restaurant overlooking the trees, which were flooded with hologram birds of the municipality. She was back in front of me months after with her short silver hair, a design work hat that dropped a green light on her face, and her 3D printed blouse.

”Since you haven't been around for a long time, you've got a new film project, " Selin said.

”There are projects but no sponsors, " I replied.

"I'm out of work, except for a few voice-overs.”

"The hero grocers were fighting against the supermarkets; now it's the filmmakers' turn.”

”Grocery stores have at least become supermarket overseers; we don't have that," Selin said.

"Groceries may have been defeated, but we're going to win,” I said.

I understood that Selin was surprised at my remarks, but she preferred not to comment on it. “What does your son, Ilke do?” she asked me.

“I think he works. We don't see each other very often.”

"Ilke is a good boy; you're not a bad father, I don't understand why you can't get along.”

“He recently accused me of mistreating him throughout his childhood. He said I didn't like anything he did. It's easy to put the responsibility on someone else.”

“You didn't appreciate me either. I can understand how he feels.”

“It's not an attitude towards you; I never liked myself either.”

“You never accepted the world as it is.”

“This is how the artist should be.”

“Not every artist is like this, and I can even say that most of them are at peace with the world."

“So you're drawing such a view that I've been saying bad words to you all the time.”

“You don't say anything, but people feel. You and your high standards.”

“I never thought we could have a conversation like that.”

“It wasn't in my mind either. I said it because it is opened up.”

“What do you think of Abyss?”

“All the work went that way. Who would have thought ten years ago that the motion picture industry would become McDonald's? Those who developed Abyss became the producer, director, patron of all of us.”

“When they fused the faces of celebrities through artificial intelligence and started creating new virtual artists, I was brain-struck, but I didn't expect that much.”

“I like your attitude even though I'm angry at some of your manners. For example, I'm sure you'll never be in the service of Abyss.”

“For now, I have no intention of doing so. I don't know what the future will bring."

Image Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/movie-reel-projector-film-cinema-918655/

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I can't make any definitive comments about the story or the writing style until I've read the other parts, which I will do when they are posted. Nevertheless, I feel comfortable saying that your writing might benefit from an editor. On randomly skipping up into the story, I found the following:

”Let me see what I could do," I replied.

In addition to the quotation mark's being the wrong way around, the word "could" needs to be "can." There are other issues, as well. One of which is that the movie titles should probably be either italicized or set in quotation marks: The Dark Sun or "The Dark Sun."

As a reader, my attention was caught by the story, and I am interested to find out what happens next. However, I wonder whether you could have a bit less dialogue and a bit more action and description. When the narrator talks about having been accused by his son of mistreatment, how does that make the narrator feel? Does he cast his eyes down, perhaps indicating that he agrees with his son's allegation and feels shame? Does he speak in a gruff voice that is on the edge of tears? Does he cross his arms and kick the chair with the tip of his shoe? By the way, we don't learn the name of the narrator in this section. This might have been intentional, but my own thinking is that when you have a serial story, you should establish character names the moment (or close to it) that they appear.

Another thing to thing about in terms of your dialogue is attribution. What I mean is that, by the time I got to the dialogue "'People got used to those soulless movies,'"' I wasn't sure who was talking. You could add a "said Timur" (I think that it is supposed to be Timur). I am not saying that you never do that--clearly, you do--only that you might want to do it more frequently.

As I said, I am interested to read the rest. You have won the biggest battle: both capturing and keeping my (the reader's) attention.

Thank you for the comprehensive criticism. I appreciate that. I plan to publish my future works in English as ebooks. (I write them in Turkish, then translate to English) I will need an editor in professional terms whose mother tongue is English. I use Grammarly to edit my work; though it helps, it is not sufficient.

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

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Hola @muratkbesiroglu que interesante historia, definitivamente las limitaciones son nuestras, es decir de cada persona, quizás no todas, pero si la mayoría…

Hello @muratkbesiroglu that interesting story, definitely the limitations are ours, ie of each person, perhaps not all, but if the majority...

great stories @muratkbesiroglu any recommendations on where to learn or start writing short stories?

You can watch this video series

thanks for the video bro very helpfull @muratkbesiroglu

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