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In graduate school, I was able to take a negotiation class taught by a former FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, one of the Bureau's top negotiators. Although the class was a great hands-on course with plenty of example negotiations, Chris distilled a lot of his secrets into a book, 'Never Split the Difference', which I highly recommend. But, if you wanted to just get the highlights, I've listed some of his quick tips and concepts from my class notes below to help out any negotiators out there on Steemit.

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"Empathy is defined as the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart and the vocalization of that recognition." - Chris Voss

To preface, the core of Chris' techniques was empathy - taking the time to understand and relate to the customer and/or terrorist and communicate that understanding. This focuses negotiations on a Win-Win scenario and the satisfaction of both parties. The ideas and concepts listed below are much more about information gathering and active listening than the adversarial nature of most negotiations. A large goal is to extract "asynchronous information" to best understand your counterpart.

"Empathy is defined as a demonstrating an understanding of the other side’s needs, interests and perspective, without necessarily agreeing." - Mnookin’s “The Tension between Empathy and Assertiveness”

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Top Tips

Labels

A label is a a verbal observation or recognition. They help demonstrate comprehension and can be used to identify driving forces and dynamics in a negotiation. They can be used to to reinforce “positive” things - the things that work for you, or dissolve or reduce negative topics. Labels can be used early or late in a negotiation to different affect - either to draw out more information or reinforce points. Labels can be prepared prior to a negotiation, and most labels are best followed by effective pausing.
E.g.

• ¨“It sounds/seems/looks like………”
• "It sounds like security is very important to you."
• "It looks like budget is a primary concern."
• "I'm sensing some hesitation in moving forward."

Effective Pauses

As a sales person, your silences can be just as potent as when you are telling the customer a price. Sometimes akward silences are great drivers to get the customer to concede a point or provide more information. Many people are too nervous and are too eager to fill what they feel are awkward silences. A very deliberate pause can simply leave room open for your counterpart to fill in more information.

Mirroring

Mirroring is a way to seek out more information or clarity by leveraging the customer's own words. It typically causes the client to provide more information or detail concerning their original point. Mirroring is simply repeating the last few words of a customer with an upward or downward inflection to denote clarity or confusion . It can be used as a replacement to phrases like "Please, go on." or "What do you mean by that?"
(For fun, try this with a spouse or significant other.)
E.g.

Customer: "I do not feel your offering is quite as good."
You: "Quite as good?"

SO: "I don't think we should go to the BBQ place."
You: "The BBQ place?"

Physical Mirroring

There is also an aspect of physical mirroring that helps successful negotiators. This "Chameleon affect" taps into the idea that people like people that are like them. So, standing in a similar manner, using similar hand gestures or a sitting position, and using similar language or grammatical structures in your your email can all provide a mirror effect and more positive outcome.

Researcher William Maddux and colleagues conducted an experiment wherein MBA students were instructed to subtly mirror their partner during negotiation (e.g. lean back if the other person does) or not asked to mirror their partner. When one party was instructed to mirror the other, the two parties reached a deal 67% of the time. When they weren’t told to mirror the other, the parties reached a deal only 12.5% of the time. - BehaviouralDesign.com

Paraphrasing / Summarizing

Putting the content or meaning in your own words. Paraphrasing displays your understanding of the concept at hand, and helps you draw more information out from the customer if your paraphrasing is lacking in some way. Summarizing the key points of your conversation helps ensure you are understanding and able to vocalize the other side's perspective. As a way to clarify the terms and be certain everyone is on the same page, these methods can reduce implementation errors. Empathy is also strengthened by summarizing and paraphrasing a counterpart’s perspective.

Calibrated Questions

Calibrated questions are a means to find additional value in a discussion. These are open ended discussion that allow your counterpart to provide information. They tend to be 'What' and 'How' questions, and only occasionally 'Why'. 'Why' questions can lead people to become defensive and are sensitive to your tone and delivery. Every response to a calibrated question should be properly labeled by you to recognize their point.
E.g.

• What are we trying to accomplish?
• What is the core issue here?
• What is the biggest challenge you are facing?
• How is that worthwhile?
• How does that affect things?
• How does that fit into your long-term goals?
• How does success look to you?
• Label - "It appears coming within your budget is a key success criteria."

Prospect Theory / Loss Aversion

Prospect Theory states that people are more likely to take a risk, do something, or agree to something to avoid a loss rather than to achieve a similar gain. This aversion to loss is almost twice as powerful as the same gain. i.e. Losing $5 stings twice as much as gaining $5 feels good.

Negotiations can be impacted because it is important to understand the potential gains and losses of your counterpart. They are then more likely to make a deal if they believe you are saving them from an implied loss - e.g. Lost revenue, hacked website, etc.

Accusations Audit

An accusations audit is a preparation technique that explores likely accusations on negative things by the other party. By bringing them out into the open early into the conversation, you can defuse much of the power behind the accusation and encourage disarming empathy.
e.g.

• “I know I was late. You must think I’m a completely insensitive”
• "I know our price is above your expectations. You must think I wasn't listening in our previous call."

Fairness is a bad word in negotiations

The concept of fairness is based on the emotional decisions and weighting of people. The majority of people do not behave completely rationally, and emotions need to be looked at and considered as drivers in a negotiation. If the concept of 'Fairness' is brought up in a negotiation, it is a sign of these emotional drivers.
Negotiations can be impacted since many people will walk away from a deal if they do not believe it is fair, even if it would be mutually profitable. So, ultimately, alarm bells should go off when a counterpart brings up the word “fair”. Preparations need to be made to properly assess the emotional viewpoints of counterparts in order to understand what potential things that may view unfairly.

Negotiator-Types - Assertive, Analytical, Accommodating

Assertive

Logical/Straightforward/Goal Oriented. They view directness as less opportunity for miscommunication. They are the most inflexible. Reciprocity - If you give an inch, they will take a mile. They view negotiation as Intellectual Sparing and may not be focused as much on implementation. They are willing to walk away if they feel as though their goals are not met.
If they give in on a term first, they will immediate expect reciprocity. However, if given a little leeway on a term, they will push and expect even more ground. They see negotiation as a battle of wills.

Analyst

Pragmatic, they love to explain the rationale for how they arrived at a conclusion. They typically see reciprocity as a trap, and its best to appeal to their rationality. Analysts often see reciprocity as a trap since they likely do not understand the expectation of future reciprocity in a current situation. Additionally, they may want to take time to work out the new information or expectation. They love data and facts and will use time to make sure they understand how each may change the outcome. Negotiations are often just an equation.

Accommodator

They are most invested in the long-term relationship and their perceived likability. They want to leave on good terms and are very reciprocal. Accommodators are very reciprocal and seek to strengthen the relationship by matching most efforts of reciprocity. They will often seek a mutually beneficial long-term relationship. However, in one-off situations, they can be extremely competitive. They see the negoation as just one part of a larger relationship and partnership.

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Anchoring

Anchoring is a cognitive bias that describes the common human tendency to rely too heavily on the first piece of information offered (the "anchor") when making decisions. During decision making, anchoring occurs when individuals use an initial piece of information to make subsequent judgments.
e.g.

• The average Enterprise deal is $20,000. (Anchoring a high value in the prospect's mind.)
• We only have the budget for $500. (Anchoring a low available budget in the salesman's mind.)
• Obviously, my new salary should be $1 million. (Anchoring a high value of your worth to the recruiter.)

Combating Anchoring

Ackerman Approach

The Ackerman approach can be an effective means of defeating anchoring. By providing three raises of decreasing increments, your counterpart notices the smaller rate of change. They sense the slowing down of the numbers as you near some unseen limit.

e.g.

• Going from $5000, to $5500, to $5525.

Odd Numbers

Using odd numbers and the show of calculating can also be a means to defeat anchoring. Odd numbers seem to have a greater sense of thought behind them as opposed to whole figures. Additionally, by making a show of calculating the number, you again give your counterpart the sense that you are nearing some imaginary limit.

• Well, if I take your monthly bandwidth, your current fees, and your security costs, I think we can provide a fee of $4323.

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Conclusion

Hope these tips and tricks were helpful, and you are more successful your future negotiations. Whether for a raise, for a new job, new vendor, or with your significant other. These little tips and tricks go a long way to help you empathize with your counter party and understand what they need and why. It helps you navigate those needs by helping them feel understood and heard. That feeling of understanding helps create trust and a stronger negotiation and conclusion. How do you think you'll use these methods in the future?

Bonus Video

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