The six pillars of self esteem by Nathaniel Branden

The higher our self esteem: the less we need to prove ourselves, we strive for higher goals, we are more ambitious.

• The more inclined we are to treat others with respect.
• The joy of life comes from being better than you were yesterday, delighting in the true joys of life, and not in comparison to others
• the joy is being who you are and not in trying to be better than someone else
  -The Six Pillars

1. The practice of living consciously

• Being present
• Living mindfully
• Our mind is our basic tool of survival
• Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves
• Behaving with accordance with what you see and know
• Discerning between facts, interpretations, and emotions
• Being concerned to know where I am relative to my goals and projects, and whether I am succeeding or failing
• Are my actions in alignment with my purpose?
• Getting feedback and receptive to new knowledge
• Committed to lifelong learning and growth
• Use sentence stems to become more conscious and aware of your life situation
• If I were more conscious, how would I treat other people?

1. The practice of self acceptance

• Willingness to accept what you do, who you are, and what you enjoy
• It's not judging your behavior but merely accepting that your actions just are
• What is, is
• It's a matter of accepting and forgiving yourself for your unwanted behaviors
• Accepting what is, is the precondition to change

1. The practice of self responsibility

• Embrace your responsibility
• Take self responsibility for your emotional and intelectual existence
• You are responsible for the situation you are in at any given moment
• No one is coming to save you

1. The practice of self assertiveness

• Honor your wants, needs, and values and seeking appropriate forms of expression in our reality
• Leap into the game
• Express yourself
• Confront, rather than evade, the challenges of life
• Be kind and cooperate with others

1. The practice of living purposefully

• Set goals and work towards them
• Live intently
• Living purposefully involves the following four steps:

1. Taking responsibility to live purposefully
2. Identifying the actions needed to achieve one's goals
3. Monitor behavior to check to see if you are in alignment with your goals
4. Paying attention to see to the outcome of ones actions to see if they are leading to where one wants to go
5. The practice of personal integrity

• When your ideals and standards match- you have integrity
• Integrity means congruence
• Restoring integrity:

1. Face and accept your reality
2. Seek to understand why you did what you did
3. Acknowledge explicitly to the other party what you have done and mention your understanding of the consequences
4. We take any actions to correct our behavior
5. We commit to not repeating the same thing again

• One must examine their life in order to determine if they are acting in a role that is in their best interest, questioning the assumptions and beliefs behind their actions
• If we examine our lives we will notice there is a discrepancy between integrity we practice in different situations
• The principle of reciprical causation: behaviors that generate good self esteem, are good self esteem
• Love tied to performance is not love, it is a form of manipulation