Horror Review: Header 2 by Edward Lee (2011, Necro Publications)

Man, it feels like less than a week ago when I was advising every last one of you not to read Edward Lee's Header. That's because it was, and my mental faculties are in reasonably good working order. So, having just reviewed a book I couldn't recommend anyone read, what comes next? Read and review the sequel. Duh!

(I...have trouble taking my own advice.)

So, yes, fresh off the 90-page mind-grinder that was Header, I belly-flopped into the nearly 400 pages of crazy comprising Header 2. What I discovered surprised me greatly. It's so rare for a sequel to completely overshadow and outshine the original that Scream 2 made this an actual plot point back in 1997, where the killer is literally trying to outdo the original murders. Whether or not Scream 2 succeeded in this (either in real life or within the confines of the story itself) is a debate I leave to the smarter folks in the comments section, but in my mind there's no doubt Header 2 does everything better than the novella which spawned the series.

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Header 2 isn't so much a sequel as it is a bridge. Despite what the title would have you believe, the book isn't just the next installment of a series. Instead, it does what Red Dead Redemption did for western-themed video games: takes the original concept, merges it with another genre, and creates something truly memorable. In the case of RDR, we got what amounted to "Grand Theft Horsey". With Header 2, we get "Deliverance 2: Mafia Boogaloo".

See, in between the publication of Header and Header 2, Edward Lee wrote another novella called The Pig. The story of The Pig concerns a naive young farm boy with dreams of winning the Sundance Film Festival. In order to finance his dream, he borrows a considerable sum of cash from a mafia loan shark, and spends the next year and a half putting together his grand vision before sending it out into the world, only to see it crash and burn spectacularly. When it comes time to repay the loan, he's left with nothing except indentured servitude, where he works for the mob as the cameraman, documenting any number of deplorable sex acts along with plenty of stomach-churning violence to be sold on the black market. The mob boss to whom he's indebted is one Paulie Vinchetti.

Vinchetti, who normally operates out of the New England area in places like New York and New Jersey, should have nothing to do with the likes of the rednecks populating West Virginia's backwoods...except that a few years ago, he married one. Marshie Vinchetti was heir to an enormous fortune following the death of her father fifteen years ago at the hands of some truly sadistic yokels as chronicled in the original Header. Every December, around the date of her dad's expiration, Marshie gets depressed--doubly so since their baby daughter fell victim to SIDS. When Paulie asked what was bothering her, and Marshie explained, Paulie felt it was his duty to revenge himself on the folks who slaughtered her Pa.

He didn't count on the deep-seated yearning to right wrongs so common to the country folk. Instead of cowing the hillbillies, the horrifying death of nine year old Crory Tuckton (filmed unflinchingly before being burned to DVD and dispatched to the West Virginia hills to strike fear into the hearts of his kin) sparks off a full-fledged war. On one side, the ignorant but by no means stupid redneck family who will go to any lengths to avenge wrong-doing against one of their own; on the other, a coterie of wiseguys for whom 'excessive depravity' is a way of life. What follows is the metaphorical meeting of the immovable object and the unstoppable force, as the clans resort to increasingly barbaric behavior in their attempts to make the other side throw in the towel.

While there are bits of humor in the original Header, it's a story that plays quite straight with the subject matter: a pair of good ol' boys using power tools and peckers in ways neither was intended. Header 2, by contrast, is more of the same, but told in such a way that it's obvious Lee means for no one to take it seriously. You're supposed to laugh because the situations are so over-the-top. It's disgusting because that's the way Lee rolls. South Park routinely twists logic into a pretzel to make a point about whatever topic they're parodying that week, whether it's people addicted to World of Warcraft, Scientologists, or The Human Centipede. The laughs can't come if they take themselves too seriously, so Parker and Stone throw sensibility to the wind and let 'er rip. Header 2 is Lee doing the same thing with his own hysterical ideas of what a take-no-prisoners-and-give-zero-fucks fued between rednecks and roughnecks would look like.

The only real downside is the animal cruelty present, as one of the gang bangers on Paulie's payroll has a penchant for purloining puppies and putting them to death. To Lee's credit, the actual animal cruelty happens entirely "off screen" as it were, with only the results displayed for the horrified onlookers to take in. Additionally to his credit, there is a point to the slaughter--unlike the rest of the carnage, there's a reason for it, and it's not just to paint the perpetrator as a truly despicable human being (though it certainly does that) or discomfit the reader (though it will likely do that too). Don't take anything in Header 2 too seriously, and you'll emerge from the other end in much better shape than both the mob and the farmboys.

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Best Scene:

Unlike Header, Header 2 actually has a number of scenes which stand out due to their ridiculous nature. My personal vote has to go to the two sides squaring off in the electronics section of a Best Buy, where Lee takes exquisite pleasure in documenting the ways in which every piece of equipment, shelving, and counter top are smashed, broken, hurled, or otherwise used as makeshift weaponry. The fact one member of the melee is suffering from a comically-engorged testicle, which has swollen so huge it's impossible to keep in his pants, just makes the scene that much more hilarious. There's a jaunty nonchalance in Lee's narration that makes for a number of side-splitting observations and repartee between the factions, and the whole thing's a tremendously cathartic release after what has been several hundred pages of suffocation, grinding, drilling, and other tortures.

I can't actually recommend anyone read Header 2, but I can postulate more enjoyment out of the story for those disturbed enough to take the plunge. In the end, I feel quite comfortable awarding it four hole saws out of five.