Where I talk about deep issues using dick jokes

Hey there steemians! I´m now officially opening another section of my blog. I was thinking about doing something like naked news, but then I realized I´m a dude, and my tits are small and ugly, so I decided to do this instead. This segment is to the news as adult swim is to the cartoons, but in between all the fun I usually try to open up your minds about controversial subjects, with a lot of swearing and filthy jokes in between. In case there are youngsters still lingering around: Go to school runts! This is no place for you!. Well, ok, you can stay a while depending on what´s the level of dick jokes per minute you´re used to. But the rest of you, if you´re easily offended, STOP READING THIS AND GO AWAY, because in this corner all gloves come off, you have been warned!.

Today with start with THIS HEADLINE: Trump lawyer admits paying porn star

So it seems Trump apparently payed pornstar Stormy Daniels about USD 130,000 to play his trumpet.

Usually you have to seach hard to find nudes of famous people, but in this case, this is the pic with the most clothes on her I could find...

Now to be fair, Trump has always had a thing for blondes, and I bet most women in his cabinet are as smooth as raisins, so its no wonder he would seek to enjoy her voluptuousness. The real problem is the secrecy in which this was conducted, which hints us to the issue that´s been bothering us: as many empowered females(with their lots of younger lovers) can tell: sexual fidelity is a thing of the past. Now I´m diving in head first into a thorny subject, and I must be mad because I don´t care about doing it. But let´s think really really hard as to why sexual monogamy was practically a must till this age.

Reasons that monotheistic religions and governments used to impose monogamy:

• To prevent jealousy murders in a day and age with no real legal framework present. This actually comes from the times of Jesus. Is this concept still valid? Hell no, even a child now knows nowadays that he/she shouln´t go all murder-y for any reason, even after a lost League of Legends game due to trolls.

• To allow time for a deep connection between your partner to flourish. Indeed it does flourish, but you don´t need a monopoly on sex to become deep friends with your mate, as most swingers can testify, the deep friendship with your mate will either happen or it wont, with the banishment of sex with other people aside. Wow, I´m getting too serious, more dick jokes wolf! How about this?
  

  
  
  

• To prevent the spread of STDs: There are people like me who like to bath, groom themselves and take the necessary precautions to stay away from STDs, and there are other people who think with their dicks(and cunts) and won´t even take a minute to put a condom on. Think about this, monogamy was invented(I say "invented" because most animals are polygamous, even humans have been polygamous for most of its history, and religions covered this fact) in a day and age when there were no condoms, no antibiotics, and no birth control. Social bonds were tight, and single parents(specially women) were sadly ostrasized like lepers. All of it was made to preserve that family structure. But nowadays families haven´t had that structure for years. Divorced parents greatly outweight the still married ones, and we´ve come a long way from those old days, and that way of thinking(segregating single parents and forcing monogamy for health issues) is no longer necessary. Also, in modern times people can upgrade their virginity level just by not bathing for a week everytime they feel like avoiding STDs and sex alltogether, that´s like the best condom you can get :P.

• To present a united front for raising children: I understand how a bone-headed farmer from 1 A.C. woulnd´t be able to set his priorities straight while fooling around with many women. Also, there were chauvinist fears in that age that women who had lovers would abandon their childs, utter nonsense. Nowadays we have both "monogamist" marriages that fail at giving a child its due attention(like the ones in which one or both of the partners is in a non stop business trip and the child gets neglected), and "closeted polygamist" marriages that show great love and affection for their kids. (just ask most serving men and women in the millitary, who fool around while on station, and while their significant others also fool around far away at home.) Ask any truck driver or their spouse, even female truck drivers(yes, there are those as well, as rare as they may be) if they fool around regularly. Are they all bad parents? I doubt it, open relationship doesn´t mean bad parenting, it just means no sexual fidelity contract, no more, no less. Its BECAUSE there are great single parents out there(both men and women) that there are also great polyamorous(openly polygamist) parents out there. Also, conservative people tend to freak out at the tiniest things as society progresses.

• The bible says it. Ah, the bible, so full of great advice and wisdom. Also, so full of crap. Don´t get me wrong, I think that the book is great, I´ve learned some great things from it, but personally I don´t think that human evolution of thought should be set in stone whatsoever. So many things from the bible do not apply nowadays! The bible openly promotes monogamy, but it also openly promotes misoginy with passages like this: “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” (1 Timothy 2:12), and this: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22). If most things our grandparents said seem racist and misoginyst now, why are we letting a 2000 years old book have the final say on how human social conscience should evolve? Should I heed to everything the bible says? What should I do with my slaves? Who will take care of my goats? “This is what the Lord Almighty says... ‘Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’” (1 Samuel 15:3). Ah, right, so genocide it is! :D

• Because it just feels good and right. Many people from both sexes tell me this, but specially women who have been indoctrinated with hollywood love movies bring this up the most. I know this comes from the feeling of wanting a person to consider you consistently the most special and important person in their lives. That may have been easy when times were simpler and one had few things to focus on, but nowadays life evolves at lightning speed and everyday brings lots of new challenges, and its easy to get distracted from your significant other for a while. To demand that everyday your partner is present and makes you feel special is not realistic, and it´s even egotistical. I personally don´t want a partner who puts me on a pedestal and shines me everyday as if I was the only being in her life. I want a vibrant partner, with a life of her own, and for us to keep getting together for laughs, tenderness, fun moments and good sex after 15 years of being toghether just as well as in day 1. I don´t need an "exclusivity contract" to remind me to get back to my significant other, I just need to miss her for a while, and my desire to get back to her instantly surfaces.

In case you didn´t notice

• The imposition on "one sex partner only" is not only unrealistic, but also dangerous to our psyche sometimes. Imagine if we´re friends and I tell you "You are forbidden to have any other friends, it is not healthy to have them or even think about it because no one will take care of you like me. You don´t need any other social interaction in your life, well, except maybe with your parents." Why would I say that? You would say to me "Wolf, what the fuck are you thinking? Monogamy rules and friendships are not the same thing! The same rules do not apply!", and I would tell you that maybe you are right, but I leave you to the tune of the overly attached girlfriend, just listen to her song and reflect... that even if you are nowhere near as jealous and possesive as Liana, the imposition of monogamy always come from a place of ownership. As you probably know, neither women nor men like to feel owned by anyone. It was originally a chauvinistic imposition anyway, and there is no place for its imposition in the XXI century. I know some people feel inclined to do monogamous relationships, and I say FINE, but do not impose your way onto the rest of us. Respect freedom!

Btw, Liana is just making a parody people! Do not give crap to your actors/actresses/youtubers for the roles they play.

Yeah, do not give crap to this guy, I bet he´s real sweet in real life.

To close this article, I may say, in case you haven´t guessed that I´m a fairly liberal and open individual when it comes to sex and relationships, and I just love feminism. I love the kind of feminism that fights for the rights and liberties of women, its about time men and women get equal rights. There is something truly sexy in an empowered independent woman. I also don´t condone sexual harassment, one should always pay attention not to sexually bother someone. But extremes are bad, and some feminists are going on a religious prophet-like power trip, demanding chastity and purity from both men and women. Don´t be moral police please, your are doing a lot of women and men a disservice by doing that. Keep up the good work, specially in women´s rights. Maybe sometime you will notice that while most women and men don´t like working with their bodies, some do, and respect the rights of every person who want to work with their body and their sexuality is a must as well. Most of them are not exploited, they are exploiting a talent(if you may call it that) they have. Keep defending the ones that ARE exploited, but don´t close their way of life for those who aren´t. I consider myself an egalitarian where rights and freedoms are concerned, and believe they should always be balanced and respected for everyone. But reflect upon these: extremes are bad, the world would be better if society didn´t go to extremes all the time "in search of what´s right".

One last thing: Polyamorous and unfaithful is not the same, polyamorous people don´t lie about them having sex with other people, they don´t lie to society, and also they don´t lie to their partners, which most of the time are also polyamorous. They don´t give or ask sexual exclusivity. Thats also relationship of equals.
And about monogamy and extramarital relationships: how about we all wake up from the hollywood lie together? Or at least kill the hypocrisy together? What do you think? Comment on it!

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Sources of images and videos used:

• Stormy Daniels
• Dick Joke
• Awww! Moment
• King Jeoffrey from GoT
  (The other links to articles and stuff are self referenced, because they actually take you there).