How I feel as a depressed person

While people can do a search on the internet on the symptoms of depression.

I, as a person suffering from depression, want to talk about how I feel as a depressed person.

Everything feels difficult

It is exactly what it says. Everything feels difficult. Walking, listening, paying attention, you name it. In severe cases, I feel like drowning because breathing takes so much energy to even breath. It feels like my mind is controlling a dead body and my mind and body are 2 different separate entities.

 I have a hard time performing and because of this, many people thinks I am under-performing.

 Even now, maintaining this blog feels so difficult. It is so difficult to constantly post on this blog. I intended to post about my hobbies but did not do that.

I always have negative emotions.

I am always sad, anxious and I do not understand why I feel this way. Each time something happens, these emotions gets amplified. I start to get very anxious and let this anxiety lead me into a negative spiral and I plunge into a cloud of sadness.

Nobody understands me.

This is the feeling that I have most of the time. Whenever I talk to people about my problems, I will hear them saying things like "Don't give up", "Try not to think too much" or something along those lines.

While I understand that they are trying to encourage me and meant no harm. The negativity that I have spins those message into something negative like "Keep on suffering", "Don't change your situation" or something along those lines.

Those lines actually bring more harm than good because I want change and their encouragement or advice does not help me to change.

This is why I tend to keep quiet among those close to me because I know it is futile to talk to them. I bottle up everything and then I end up becoming suicidal.