I can't even imagine your situation. So sorry you're going through this. My situation is different but I can relate to the fact that after my husband came down with depression last November he stopped working. We ran out of money a couple of months ago, and after being a stay at home mom for ten years I was hired and the night before my first day I was doing the same thing - pacing around, crying, freaking out, hyperventilating. I didn't go. I wasn't well mentally because of everything that was going on. Then we were gifted a check that covered our bills through this month, but he's still not working so I might have to try again soon. I'm not saying this to talk about myself, just to tell you that even though I don't know everything you're going through, you're not alone. Praying God gives you the strength you need and following you now. ❤