WOW.

in blog •  2 months ago

Things are.....

Exceptionally difficult at the time being...

I have no idea where to go from here. What's the next step? I genuinely feel like my life is circling the drain.
I don't know what to do, ...where to turn.
Being 45 years old, with no answers to any looming questions---this is fresh hell.

I never expected this uncertainty. This is downright scary.
I don't know how I'm going to deal with this.
Am I even capable? Can I pull it off? Like, what choice do I have?!! NONE! I must make it through this.

I honestly don't know what the hell I'm gonna' do.
I'm trying my dead level best to breathe, but the panic keeps swelling up inside of me. And I start to hyperventilate, then cry, then just....fall apart.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Or, so I thought.
I'm thrust back into searching for a job, after 17 years as a stay-at-home-mom.
I'm suddenly made aware that everything I've been committing myself to for those years is of no value whatsoever in the job market.
And, so now, here I am--getting old, tired, and afraid. And needing to pretend that I'm a superstar and convince an employer that they would be insane to not hire me.
This completely sucks.

There are so many weights coming down on me, all at the same time, that I literally cannot breathe.
In other words-- I'm freaking out!!!

Anyway, I just needed to put this down, to get it out of my head.

Thanks for reading.

~Jane

(image source: pixabay.com)

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I can't even imagine your situation. So sorry you're going through this. My situation is different but I can relate to the fact that after my husband came down with depression last November he stopped working. We ran out of money a couple of months ago, and after being a stay at home mom for ten years I was hired and the night before my first day I was doing the same thing - pacing around, crying, freaking out, hyperventilating. I didn't go. I wasn't well mentally because of everything that was going on. Then we were gifted a check that covered our bills through this month, but he's still not working so I might have to try again soon. I'm not saying this to talk about myself, just to tell you that even though I don't know everything you're going through, you're not alone. Praying God gives you the strength you need and following you now. ❤

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Thank you.
Yeah, this whole year has been--hard. I'm not sure what to do.
All I take solace in is God. He knows what his plans are, and I have to have faith that He won't let me and my family just crater.
And I also am given comfort in knowing that I have the best BFF I've ever known. He's amazing.

Not trying to be preachy but have you tried Jesus? He's got me through some very tough times.

(Matthew 11:28-30) "¶ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. {29} Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. {30} For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

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Indeed.

Psalm 91. Do not look back, fwd, left, or right. Look UP. It is there where you shall find that which you seek.

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Amen.

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