Listening Skills

You know what drives me crazy?

People that suck at listening.

Why is it so hard to take a few moments and hear what someone is saying?!

I experience this ALL THE TIME. It really gets to me. Especially because I put in a lot of thought and care when I listen to others. I want them to feel like I am interested in what is being said and be able to comment, if needed.

How can you provide feedback if you don’t listen properly?

Primarily, it’s the lack of active listening skills that bothers me.
Active listening would be eye contact with the speaker, not doing something else while the person is speaking and using body language to display your attention to them.

How hard is that?! It’s not hard, people.

But apparently it is very hard for some. It’s absolutely amazing how these few things are foreign to some individuals. They have no concept of how to be polite and listen appropriately.

You have to take into account how much further you could get in life if you just learn how to listen correctly.

Let’s take a quick second to break this down.

Eye contact is number one. If you establish eye contact with the speaker, you should be golden. This is the best thing you could do to show them you’re listening. It’s also very personal and intimate. Plus, I feel like it can keep you focused on what they are saying and not drift somewhere else in your mind.

With eye contact, you can use body language to show you’re listening.
Nod your head at the appropriate times and smile. Show that you are engaged in what is being said. You might also consider what your hands are doing. Are they at your sides or sitting on your lap? I think either of these are fine, but do not have your arms crossed. There are different schools of thought on this, but I think it portrays distance and the listener being guarded. Wherever you stand on this, just think about how you would feel if someone showed you the same body language while you were speaking. It’s the whole ‘do unto others…’ thing.

Let’s finish with not being distracted while someone is speaking to you.
Now, there are definitely times when I have friends over and we are talking in the kitchen while prepping dinner. Multi-tasking is happening, but this isn’t rude. Most of the time this is casual conversation, so it’s not going to offend the speaker. However, I do try to make some eye contact, even in the midst of prepping food and washing the dishes. You are still showing interest, but having a casual conversation.

But, if the conversation feels serious or is demanding attention, stop what you are doing. (The exception to this may be driving, but that should be obvious.) Give the speaker the attention they need by taking a break from whatever task you’re doing. If you are truly busy, maybe ask how long the convo will take (in a nice way) and see if that is acceptable. If it will take a large amount of time, plan a later time to chat longer. By working on your computer, watching television or playing games when someone is trying to have an actual conversation with you is rude. If you don’t think this is true, really take a moment to think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Like, deeply think it through.

Lastly, be respectful. Good grief, people, it’s not a hard thing to do. Do you realize how much better the speaker will feel with your full attention? Plus, they are less likely to be upset with you for not listening properly if you just do it right the first time.

Everyone deserves respect, no matter how close you are to them or if they are a stranger.

Practice active listening as much as you can. People will love you for it. Trust me.

Until next time, friends. –the RealPositiveGirl