Foodie's ponderings

Today, I am spending my afternoon in thought.

Staring out of the window, I'm pondering the choices before me.

One moment I feel brave...

The next, I am filled with doubt...

Hubby makes me feel like everything will be okay.

Yet I still have to make these choices alone...

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I had my second job interview today and I think things went well. These were two new people and I got to learn a little more about the job, department and expectations. I was also able to tell them where I would fall short in these expectations, so they now have all the information they need to make a good decision, without expecting something I can't give them.

This all sounds positive, yes?

However, I'm still doubting whether or not I should go through with this.

There are so many things I'm not looking forward to. There's the normal things, like getting up early and sitting in an office for 8 hours. I don't look forward to the drives. And what if I get plagued by headaches again?

Sure, the weekly headaches that ruined my entire weekend years ago might have been the first signs of my pending burnout, but what if these issues haven't gone away completely? I had a headache once my interview was done today.

Could be tension headache ofcourse. But what if they will become more frequent again? I don't want to ruin my days off with headaches, just so I can work.

I feel like I'm a good fit for the job. I don't want to work though. Then again, who does?

But I don't need to either. We're managing without me working. Hubby can support us and he just wants me to be happy, job or no job.

It doesn't feel fair to him though, if I don't bring in any money. Not like my blogging or designing 'side gigs' are really doing much for me.

I want solar panels, I want to lower our mortgage. Basically, I want to lower our monthly expenses. That has always been my goal, even when I was alone. Why? Because I hate to have to work and the sooner I was able to cut back on my hours, the happier I was.

Now I don't have to work at all, but hubby works for 40 hours. He doesn't mind. He gets bored when he's home for too many days in a row. But I want to give him the option to work less.

Oh gosh, but I don't want to work. I'm okay with the work itself, but I hate all the hassle surrounding it. I'm scared to drive back home with a tired head. Too filled with information, problems, chores, clouds, headaches, etc. etc. Wouldn't it be irresponsible?

I guess I won't know until I try...

But then, what if things do get bad and I have to call it quits? I'd feel so bad for having wasted their time...

Well, I guess I'll sleep on it some more. Maybe they won't want me and make the choice for me. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow with new courage. Or maybe I'll win the lotery.

All images used are my own: Lion, Lion cub, Monkey 1, Monkeys, Monkey 2.

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