I'm not Negative but I am Real
I know this post is not going to be popular and I have a lot more on the way that will likely ruffle some feathers! 😊 But what I am going to write about really needs to be said.
I'm all for being optimistic if there is a legitimate reason to be. And whenever I am optimistic I am always cautious. However those who have their rose coloured glasses on whenever their heads are not stuck in the clouds (more often than not with big fat egos) say I am too negative or pessimistic, blah blah blah.
Umm no I'm not. If I was like they described I would be ranting and raving that everything in my life sucks and that there is never hope for anything. I never recall saying that, ever. Because pessimism is not reality either- most of the time.
There unfortunately are times when pessimism is reality, and on the flip side there are instances when optimism has its place. But what I am is real.
I have been through a lot in life, like the majority have. But I was handed a very difficult hand and I have had to survive and do my best despite that. Add the fact that I deal with depression (and if you don't have depression yourself but you have a sibling that does, you have absolutely no idea what your sibling is going through so don't ever say you do again- yes this is a hidden dig at someone who had the audacity to say this to me lol) I may have a harsh and sarcastic side.
In other words I don't put up with bullshit. And this pisses off those who have no clue about what having a tough life really is all about but recite meaningless inspirational quotes and swear by that scam, The Secret.
Yes, it is a scam. I know Law of Attraction is legitimate because I have seen it for myself. And if you DO end up getting what you attract, it's because you worked your ass off for it and went through hell and back to get it. You don't just "visualize" it and recite affirmations over and over again without that crucial factor.
But there are times even when taking action, things don't always work out, there are times when things are plain not meant to be, and if you hang onto any fantasy conjured up by that scam, you will be heartbroken when it doesn't pan out.
Do you see why I hate it? Folks it's fake! There is a trickle of truth in it but most of it is a scam. That's how scam artists make their money. They reel you in with a little of reality. Once you are hooked, then you are fed the BS and the brainwashing begins.
So I'll give you an example of what it means to be real. My son has autism and other special needs. Because of that he will never be completely independent and will need to live in assisted living setting. That is not being negative or pessimistic, that is me being real about the situation.
However, because he has the potential to contribute to society he is now living in the best environment (no he no longer lives at home and it is for the best) and is going to a great school to help him reach his potential, whatever that may be. Now does that sound negative to you? I didn't think so either.
But if I listened to that scam, The Secret, I would have been told to keep visualizing him being typical one day and turn out like anyone else, or even better. I am glad I learned about how full of shit that is long before even going there. So no the reality is, he won't be 100%, but I know he will be a lot better and has potential to do well, whatever that may be. If I was a true pesssimist I would have let him stagnate at home and at the old school where he was not helped, and rob him of the opportunity of him doing well down the road.
Before you point fingers at me and say I am too negative, think about that. So no. I took my rose coloured glasses off years ago and got my head out of the clouds. I know what I am dealing with. If there is a clear reason to be optimistic then I will be, cautiously. But sometimes being pessimistic is the way to be too, unfortunately. I'm off of my soap box now.
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'The Secret' is basically 'stone soup'. You do all the work, all the while believing the stones are making the soup.
Like you, I don't believe in baseless optimism. It is better to hope for the best, but expect the worst. That way, when it comes out so-so you're relieved instead of disappointed.
You did the best for your son. He gets school that is suited for him, and help that is catered to him. It is a lot better than jamming him in regular classes where nobody learns anything because there are so many different needs that none can be met.
@ajdohmen thank you for the comment. You said it well too and described The Secret perfectly. Hoping for the best is always good but reality always needs to be taken in. I love being pleasantly surprised too. Thank you as well about my son. Deep down I know he will be ok but it takes a lot for him to get there. My daughter is typical and even she struggles in a regular class. She has some ADHD and has an IEP like most kids nowadays.
YES YES YES!! I can relate to so much in this post. It is very true that you can't say you know what it's like to have depression just because your sibling does. That is like saying you know what it's like to have cancer because your sibling had it. No, you really don't! Furthermore, depression is often a very lonely disease. You don't know what it's going on when the depressed individual is alone. I would not wish clinical depression on anyone. It is not just "the blues" that you can wish yourself out of with some ultra positive brainwash mantra from a book. By the way, I do think there are some great self help books out there but that doesn't mean it will help every person. I do agree that everything that one has in life is attained through hard work. Even then as you said, things fall through. Life is not perfect. Life is life. I'm with you on being cautiously positive. Being upbeat and conveying positivity is great! However learning to take a realistic approach is better. I think you made a wise choice with your son. I work in Healthcare and often people with your sons disability do better with therapy and being immersed in an environment meant for them. Resteemed.
@chelsea88 thank you so much and I knew this would resonate with you. Depression is incredibly lonely. I have never had cancer so I don't know what it is like. However in the past I have compared the seriousness of depression and cancer because both are very serious. Not enough people realize or want to accept it. And yes I cannot help my son anymore. That is if I neglect helping myself and being a better mom to my daughter. Since my son is doing well where he is, I can now concentrate on what I need to concentrate.
Right on. You're making the best of an unfortunate situation (i.e. your son's disability.) As you said he can thrive in the right environment. Didn't you say he is autistic? I recently watched something about an aytistic kid who became a fast food restaurant manager. So they can really thrive with the right tool set and sincs you cant provide it without sacrificing you and your daughters wellbeing, you made the best choice! You should never feel like you have to defend that either
@chelsea88 yes that is right he is autistic and the only way he can do well is if he is in the right environment that will allow him to thrive. And hoping for the best he will do well and he has it in him, but he can't be at home for that to happen. His wellbeing and mine and my daughters wellbeing would be at stake. It's unfortunate but it is what it is and just trying to play the difficult hand as well as I can.
Sounds like your doing an excellent job too!
Actually, at the time the secret came out, the main "gurus" published a series of interviews basically saying that the most important part was left out of the book and the movie - you have to do the work.
the way that I understand the Secret is that your mind needs to believe that it is possible - if it/you don't, actions will not be put in place to make it happen.
Like with your sone. You believe that he has potential to be/do more than he currently does. So, you found the place to best need his needs and he can develop to the fullest of his potential. If you wouldn't have thought that there is a potential, you would just have found a place that takes care of him.
I think that people who want to just think things into existence are not different from people who want to pray things into existence.
Action is always needed and often, a bit of luck.
@mariannewest thanks for the input and indeed without action everything is as fantasy that is for certain. The book is a scam and even if you do the work it doesn't always pan out. And maybe that's when expectations have to be adjusted. On the flip side I do believe that you have to believe and know what you want is attainable and with work, most of the time with work involving sweat and tears it is. I do know my son has the potential to do much better but has to be at the right environment for that to happen. It is unknown how far he can go and that is where exoectaican become dangerous. He may only be capable of washing tables (I do think he can do better not that there is anything wrong with it as it's a job and any job is great) or he may surpass expectations. But I do know he has potential to move upward.
Well said. I like to think of myself as an optimistic realist, but a realist nonetheless. Followed :)
I'm so glad you are here and being a realist is the best way and there is always a reason to be optimistic if there is a reason 😊