your context -

desperately !desperately ( I tell ya!) wanted to tell everyone that you'd actually managed to have sex with someone....?

Was as far off the mark to reality - as the sentence you wrote was meant to impart.

You know that. I know that. We all know that...

Never defend the indefensible. (this is the time to stop) lol.
It makes you look silly...

You got an upvote for it! - you did indeed make me laugh.

I'll send you the link when I do my post - all in good humor - there are a few gems in the post, you won't be alone...

"..If you can't laugh at yourself, you're just missing out on the joke..."