IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (meaning: My warped, personal opinions and musings)

From the Author

Salutations

I am JaiChai.

And if I haven't had the pleasure to make your acquaintance, it's very nice to meet another fellow Steemian.

I just read another hilarious post by @outerground:

https://steemit.com/steemit/@outerground/d-d-o-s-who-s-attacking-steemit-and-making-it-go-slow-i-made-an-exhaustive-list-feel-free-to-add-your-top-suspects

Here's my comment/reply to @outerground:

@outerground,

Salutations, buddy.

JaiChai here. Excellent post - as usual. Very thought provoking, indeed.

Disclaimer

The following is purely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons is truly coincidental.

The author takes no responsibility for any damages, paranoia or injuries resulting from reading this post.

NEVER EAT OR DRINK WHEN LAUGHING YOUR ASS OFF.

JaiChai

RE: Steemit DDoS Perp

I believe it's a former poor individual turned multi-billionare - who grew up with bi-polar vegan, exercise fanatic and religious zealot parents.

Billionaire's Micro-Bio

Growing up, he was forced to eat vegetables while sitting on an exercise ball at the dinner table three times a day.

Twice a day, he had to do step aerobics while holding a bible in each hand and stationed in front of the TV to watch hundreds of Billy Graham clones and re-runs of the Jack LaLanne show.

As a child, his family endured the extra hard times of the Great Depression; effectively morphing him into a money paranoid, penny-saving, serial coupon addict.

He lived like this for years alone; doing jobs that even seasonal migrant workers refused to do - until the bursting of the dotcom bubble and subsequently, the global financial debacle of 2008.

A lifetime of scrimping and saving made him totally prepared for both financial crises; exploiting the masses of heavily vested techno-nerds and unprepared homeowners, mortgage companies and banks - a la Forest Gump underway on his shrimp boat with LT Dan during the hurricane that destroyed all his competition's rigs.

These experiences had a profound effect on him.

During his early "just a millionaire" years, he vowed never to eat vegetables - especially broccoli and cauliflower - ever again.

He would only eat nothing but meat; getting his micronutrients from the vitamins that his many pharmaceutical and GNC-like companies produced.

These drive-through pharmacies made him his second billion and the ubiquitous, 15-foot tall golden "V"'s in front of each pharmacy's entrance could be seen on every other street corner of every major city around the world.

Critics' law firms continually tried to sue him; accusing him of everything from violating the Sherman Anti-Trust Act to depriving third world countries of much needed sweat shops.

Conspiracy theorists claimed the golden "V"'s were cryptic cult symbols hiding in plain sight; and proved without a doubt that he was an Illuminati Reptilian-Human hybrid.

Religiously averse to any type of exercise class, he avoided all fitness centers, but discovered a passion for hiking and the ocean - any physical activity that wasn't structured, or required gym equipment and spandex.

It is rumored that he financed Jacques Cousteau's research that led to the invention of the first commercial scuba ensembles.

(End of Micro-Bio)

Back to the original question.

Why DDoS Steemit?

Did I mention he was semi-dyslexic and very poor at spelling too?

I know. You're probably wondering by now, who is this Seemit DDoS'ing billionare culprit?

Well...okay.

I will devulge this much:

"In the spirit of preserving the billionaire's privacy - and protecting myself from lawsuits - let's just say his name rhymes with Pee on a tusk."

Namaste, amigo.

JaiChai

[End of comment/reply]

By JaiChai

Many thanks for reading my post. And if you enjoyed it, please: Upvote, Follow, Comment and Resteem.

- JaiChai "My mind was a terrible thing to waste..."

About the Author

He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he freefall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water.

He spends his days on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.

Parting Shot -

"I fail to see the - what you humans call - 'humor' in this, Captain."