Fragmented Thoughts: Energy, balance, self-control.

Hey Steemit, hope you're all having a great week! So, I have named my scrambled thought moments more cosmetically pleasing, as 'fragmented thoughts'. I really enjoy this kind of blogging style, as it's always been tough for me to sit down and really flush out the large talking points. Doing so takes more time that sometimes I don't have. But I think this is definitely in line with the popular free-writing style. In this way, I think I can be more consistent even when things are staying busy. I figured hey, why not give it a shot.

Source

Energy

Negative energy is a steep hill. Once you start tumbling down, it's difficult to get your grip again to climb back up. The past week has had me feeling a bit stressed/down. Not for any specific reason honestly, and I want to make it clear that I'm actually very much enjoying everything I'm working on, especially with the Steem community. This has always been a thing with me. Just the natural ebb and flow of an anxious/depressive personality.

It always gets me thinking about the best ways to combat these phases. It's never an easy task to overcome a mindset. Your brain is so good at working against you. Like a game of chess where your opponent has a pre-recording of the game. The only thing you can do is attempt to step out of your element and throw it off guard, as it already knows your game plan. Left with your own devices, you become saturated with that negative energy. Long-term solutions pending, at least I'm on the back end of it.

Balance and Self-Control

Often times, my strengths are also my weaknesses. When I get excited about something, I tend to dive head first into it, but neglecting other things that might need to be done to sustain. Given I work from home, I noticed recently that I'll go 4-5 days without leaving the house, no problem. This feels like it should be unhealthy. It is unhealthy, I'm sure. I caught up with a couple friends yesterday and went out to dinner. We caught up, talked about our music projects, plans, etc. It was nice to get out.

Having a lot on your plate makes balance difficult, and being someone that can also be easily distracted makes it even worse.

I've had far too many 'Hey, can you..'s over the past week or so, outside of the projects I either want to work on or am being compensated to work on. My projects, and the ones I'm being paid for, should be first priority, and I need to become better at saying 'no'.

I think sometimes being a 'good' person doesn't always mean just doing good things. I love to say 'yes' because I want to help. My heart is in a good place. But when my time becomes stretched thin, I become stretched thin, I go from a person with good intentions to someone who is flaky, who is late, who is a no-show, who makes empty promises. Either that, or someone who is mentally exhausted, sleep deprived, doesn't eat enough, and unable to provide for anyone at all, including myself.

Balance is everything. I say it all the time, and I believe it. Sometimes we all just need a reminder to truly live it.

Don't Stop Believin'

With all of that said, I'm grateful for the grind I'm on. It's all within what I set out to do with my life, and for that I cannot complain. The problems I have today are but a drop in the bucket compared to what I've faced in the past, and I need to constantly remind myself of that. Things are fine.

Switching It Up?

My brother told me recently (jokingly, or not) that I'm not spontaneous. I knew this. To a lot of folks who don't understand what I do and what my goals are, I'm a horribly bland individual. I'm constantly reminded of this in every 'small talk' conversation I have. My elevator pitch for the 10-year plan isn't something I've worked out yet.

I used to play shows with my band. My buddy that I got dinner with yesterday is an old bandmate of mine. He still tours and writes albums pretty regularly. He's always been the yin to my yang in regards to me being the studio guy (production, recording, composition, etc.) and him being the live guy (playing shows, touring, socializing). Truthfully I don't really know how or in what way I would come back to this, but my personality has significantly shifted since I stopped getting out so much, for better or for worse I suppose. Live shows were a social environment that fell in line with the end goal.

Me and aforementioned buddy in our old band.

I don't know, not just that, but I think in general I just need to get out of the house more. See people. As much as I really do appreciate the people that I meet online, through Steem and otherwise, in-person interaction is very important I think. That might be big on my future to do.

Stop forcing things..

This is kind of relevant to a lot of us Steemians. Sometimes I'm so set on an idea that it's hard to stray from. Back when SBD was up at like $8 (and keep in mind I was on the small end of minnow-hood at the time) full-time or at least part-time Steem felt reachable. That was something I wanted for a short while. Then I decided, given I made music my job, I need something that I can do casually without feeling the pressure of a career on my actions. I'm sort of somewhere in between now. I do a lot of production work here, but I don't like to look at my personal blog as a job. It's my release and relaxation.

Decentralization

I think this is important in a lot of ways. One thing I've noticed recently on Steemit is an ever-so-slight sense of elitism. I don't think it comes from a negative place, but an encouraging one, wanting people to also experience all that we have here in the right ways. Still though, I've noticed a very faint shade cast at Steemians who do not function within the protocols of the small percentage of people who have remained here. Take this observation with a grain of salt; I can't think of any hard examples, nor would I want to use them offensively or aggressively, but I don't know, it's this slight gut feeling.

Maybe this is in part due to the price of Steem right now. Some folks are a little on edge. I think the future looks bright, but maybe we are more protective of our space right now. With a lot of talk about decentralization lately, it makes me wonder. If an equal number of Youtubers came over and developed their own Youtube 2.0 of their own name on the Steem blockchain, and the formula changed into that, would we still be preaching decentralization? Reading back I don't even like that example I just made, but point being, I think we have gotten used to doing things a certain way here in which change will stir discontent within the community. And change inherently has to be a huge part of decentralization, no? If any one entity or community monopolizes a 'decentralized' platform, how is it such? Sometimes it feels like a word we just like to say, but we don't really think about what that actually entails.

Done.

Much love to you all, and if you made it this far, thanks for reading my word vomit for the day.

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