The Burden Of Responsibility (Introspection)
I'm often sought out for the task of helping people with their issues. I don't mind of course, because it's apparent that I'm gifted at helping people put things into perspective; essentially making them feel better in the moment. A metaphorical bandaid if you will.
So why do I refer to this counseling as a metaphorical bandaid?
I refer to counseling in this manner, because although words can be immensely powerful, We still have an integral responsibility to internalize, conceptualize, and exact meaning in a way, as to get the proverbial wheels into motion.
What proverbial wheels am I referencing?
The idea that "No one is responsible for your happiness but you" No one has the power to truly dictate your emotions. If you allow them to, then your simply ignoring the internal issues that are contributing to your rut.
Of course, no one has the right either, to burden the responsibility of their emotions onto anyone else. An unclear vision of your true inner self, and a lack of drive to face the impeding attributes, is clearly no one's fault but your own.
Walking through life with an expectation that true happiness is dependent on others abilities to make you happy, is a recipe for you to live an unhappy, unhealthy, unfulfilling life.
I certainly would be a liar if I said I've mastered the art of dictating my own emotions. Quite the opposite is true, but merely understanding that I have the power to change the course of my emotions, by way of introspection, is very powerful indeed.
Listening to others opinions about your flaws is not always reason to resent them. In fact I wholeheartedly thank the one's who are able to pull me out of my delusions. We are all delusional at times. We all make the common mistake of blaming and perhaps even gaslighting, but it doesn't necessarily make us bad people, it's merely a sign of immaturity and lack of foresight. Because behaving like this is certainly damaging to others, and oneself.
I'll also suggest that if you're not ready to commit to inner change, and growth, then you should not request council from others, for lack of reciprocation to the council is a sure way to breed resentment and frustration to the counselor!
People do not like to feel like their wasting their breath and time.
Why should they? Time is one measurable unit of our existence that we value. I believe the common mind will agree with this. No one wants to feel like they are wasting their precious time on this earth, unless of course you do not value your own existence; in which case, the council will be immutably senseless.
So I challenge this:
Ask yourself,
"Do I love myself?"
"Do I value my existential time on this earth?"
"Am I ready for change, and Introspection?"
"Do I have the right to blame others for my problems or shortcomings?"
If you answered no to any of these questions, or believe others are responsible for your happiness, then you are simply not ready to break free from your mental prison, and you have no right to to place your burden onto others.
The ultimate healing will come from within, and perhaps, in conjunction with the faith that you prescribe to. I can't stress this enough. You truly need to believe in yourself, and know, that you are the one that holds the key to your happiness.
Tree image created by Jcomp - Freepik.com
On a personal note, I polluted my mind with drugs and alcohol for the first 10 years of my adult life. It took sitting in a prison cell, to realize I had destroyed every relationship with every person in my life, I had burned every bridge I had ever built, and I invariably placed my burden of guilt onto others intentionally because I was upset about what happened to me as a child. Realization still wasn't enough. I still had not confronted my addiction; it brought me right back into my corrosive ways. I destroyed relationships and continued to drink.
My last relationship ended about a year ago, and I've been working hard to forgive myself for the mental torture she was forced to endure, all while simply trying to love and help me. It's continues to haunt me at times, but I believe we aligned with one another because we were both damaged, and it was part of our destiny to learn from one another.
I hope that others can learn from the critical mistakes I've made. I want happiness and love for you all.
Thank you to my followers. The support and perspective you have all given to me is truly profound.
Am a year clean from the pollution of narcotics and alcohol related situations.You dont need that extra burden on your creativity. You may have hurt the people you love but as long as they breathe you can work to fix that. First you have to accept that it hurts you the most to do those things and thats whats actually tearig people away. Ive seen it, ive lived it. Ive made amends with some and lost others the point is, you need to be strong for them even if they're not ready to accept your apologies prove to them your worth with your life and your goals and achieve until you drop because thats all you can do. Life is a hard journey but its the trials and the fear and the mistakes and pain that make the times of joy, love, forgiveness and compassion. It can truly be appreciated and you may find it to humble you to your soul. Much love, i wish you the very best, and hope being clean and sober is the path that gets you your dreams so you can see its all worth it if you work hard. @futuremind
Thank you for sharing your experience with myself and everyone else who happens to read it @dizzyjay
I'm also a year sober, and I believe for those of us who are addicts, it's imperative to remain clean sober to achieve your dreams. In perspective, a year is not that long, but it's still an achievement for an addict. My longest period of sobriety was about 2 years, but then I relapsed, because I wasn't aware of the elusive nature of addiction. It will certainly sneak up on you sometimes in one form or fashion. It's how you deal with your desire to use, that determines whether or not you have a relapse or not.
I'm pretty open about my medicinal use of marijuana though,and this is one of my issues with AA and NA but I still go once in a while. I actually went to NA with a friend of mine a week ago, and had a hard time bearing listening to so much information that I only half agree with, but it's still decent use of my time. Whether or not people view marijuana as a drug or a medicine is of no concern to me, because I write most of everything you see while under its medicinal benefits. I would be scared to think of what would happen if I logged onto steemit under the influence of alcohol.
Blogging and making connections with people on steemit is pretty awesome dude. It achieves a couple different positive attributes to an addicts life. It gives you an outlet to speak with others and develop relationships, make money from others depending on their vests and percentage of upvote they allot to your award, and my favorite part, the sense that others are depending on you with Steemit, just as much as you are depending on them. An active community of steemit users will monetize each other.
That last aspect truly adds some security to my sobriety. I would hate to get drunk, and make the poor judgment call of logging onto steemit, acting a fool, and potentially destroying my reputation and faith that others have been kind enough to give me. This would would be devastating indeed. So the time you spend reading my posts, and commenting really mean a lot to me. Perhaps this is helpful to you too. I hope it is, and I certainly consider you one of my steemit friends!
Heck yeah steemit friends! Seriously though yeah i feel you on every paragraph there even the relapse bit, i consider my smoking cigarettes again a relapse. I hate it. But i too am a medical marijuana user, prescription and all. Lets end the stigma on that right there. Id rather anybody smoke weed than drink. Im a huge anti alcohol advocate. Its ruined so many lives of people i care about. Not just by me but the people around me too. Its destructive. I hope i never ever have to read one of those kind of accidental posts sir, my disappointment would be kind of substantial, only because i care and it would hurt my heart.
Likewise, and you are welcome to contact me through private message on discord if you ever have a moment of crisis and feel like picking up. I'll stop what ever I'm doing to talk to you if I'm not asleep when you message.
Wow. Youre really a great person. I appreciate that alot. I offer you the same. My discord is dizzyjay27
You're a great person too bro! I tried searching your screen name there with no results kicking back for some reason. I might have made a mistake. Join the unofficial Steemit-Friends server I set I up dude, I'll be able to add you to my friends list from there https://discord.gg/nEZ3NG
I'm a bit behind. I have something I need to post, you might have an idea of what it is. Ttyl
I agree, I answered no to two of them. I’ve slways had the issue with worrying about everyone else’s happiness and wanting to help them rather than focusing on myself, I guess I feel selfish when I do. I’m happy you’ve learned from your experiences because if you wouldn’t of you probably wouldn’t be on here or even talking to me.
I think your right. If I would have continued on, I would either be dead or in prison @awkwardness
As far as answering no to two of the questions, I can only say this :
I do have personal insight into some your life issues, and you've presented yourself to me as very independent and strong minded, with an insatiable appetite to succeed. I believe in you!
You certainly always have an open ear from me,and you know where else to find me! Thanks for your comment!
love and happiness for you sweety, I am so proud on you! And worried!! Where are you? Still having problems with your bandwidth?
Hey @janine-ariane! So busy today! Helping everyone in the home with some of their issues, writing this blog today, and answering all the comments on my posts and others, seems to consume hoards of time!
And the bandwidth, not as many problems lately! As my Steem power goes up, my bandwidth gets better! Thank you for being proud of me Janine, you are so sweet. You rock!
do not twist the things... you rock matey! x
Did you see me telling you, that you rock in the video?😄
xxx :-) <3
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Sometimes committing to inner change and real growth means going into the shadowy, dark places of our psyche's.
You suggest someone shouldn't ask for help unless they're going to do it. For me, it takes a lot of vulnerability for someone to ask in the first place, but anyone who has experienced addiction first-hand or lived with someone who is, we know it can take many, many times before they can walk away. And, at times, many of these merely substitute the next "healthier replacement," but have still not healed the original wound.
Yes, we may hold the key, but often can't find it--we try with great difficulty over a number of years and isolation becomes easy in a society that so highly values positive thinking. There are many who question the marginalization the movement of positivity inflicts.
I agree, that we must find an ability to be accepting, loving and happy with ourselves outside of being dependent on another, but also believe we're social animals, all with faults and that relationships are meant to mirror one another (like you and your ex). We are all "damaged" in some way, just as we are all divine.
I really can't argue with some of these points. Their valid points. I suppose it does sound rather cold to say one should truly want to make the change before seeking help, but I also understand how addiction is able to morph people's perception.
Speaking with a friend this morning I've known for ten years, who I met in addiction, is still in active addiction. Currently I live with him, and a couple others who are addicted to the same substance. I want to help them all, even though I know their not ready. Our conversation was yet another repeat of me breaking down to him how I perceive his life being destroyed by the chemical. As I used to do, he figured out every method in his mind to justify his use, and suggested he was happy in his current state. Him saying this contradicts his emotional roller coaster, and he struggles to solve his problems while maintaining active addiction. I know that his problems are largely due to addiction, and ultimately, the issues he needs to face.
Another friend I just got off the phone with. He was piss drunk and continues to relapse. I don't ever turn someone in crisis away, but it can be mentally taxing and draining when you know that a person cannot begin to heal until they put down the substance, and yes, addiction is very elusive. I have a year clean right now... I had two years clean in the past. They don't say cunning, baffling, and powerful for nothing.
Sometimes I break down in tears with these guys because I can't help them, or at least I feel like I cant.My friend asked me how the hell I do it, and I told him because I'm tired of my life being shit. Then he hit me with "are you happy"? My delay was enough for an inebriated man to say, of course your not.
It's hard for me, because I still have a lot of work to do. So it seems selfish to me for individuals to do this to me and not take any of my advice. But you know something? I did the same shit to others when I was drinking, so perhaps this is my way of working through my issues. Maybe seeing sickness all around myself is necessary for my growth, and maybe I'm meant to bear their burden of struggle. After all. These people have been there for me. I won't turn my back on them.
Thank you for your opinion. It holds much validity. Life is a work in progress. I will think of your words,or at least try to, when their stressing me out with their drama.
Hmmm. I see your point. First of all, congratulations on your sobriety! A year is a long time and especially when you're in such close proximity to friend's who are still actively using. For me, addiction has made maintaining boundaries very difficult. Though I do believe we must enter the shadow lands and that merely having a positive attitude isn't going to permanently solve our underlying issues, it is still okay to take care of yourself. If that means telling them not to ask for help unless they're serious about not using that might be exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
I am very into working with my dreams--both night and day and find my inner wisdom is more helpful than most outside advice. Might sound strange, but try interpreting this situation as a waking dream and ask your higher-dream self why the situation is unfolding in this way.
I've been trained to never presume I know what someone else's dream means and so I won't. But, in helping one another with dreams, my fellow dreamers and I preface by saying, if this were my dream (then we are free to project our own meanings and you can reject or accept based on how they feel to you). For example, if your waking dream were MY dream I would want to know what part of me feels tread upon by my friends and why? What can I do to make myself happier in my present, and newly clean reality? And, is my having been an addict mean I deserve to be surrounded by sickness and must fix others?
There is nothing wrong with extending ourselves to people, but when the energy exchange isn't equal, or we are giving so much of ourselves we endanger our own health (mental or otherwise) then it might be time to love and give to ourselves for a time. Remember to "father" those younger parts of yourself that also used substances to deal with trauma--they deserve your attention too. Perhaps, your example of self-love will be a help to your mates?
You sound like a great friend :)