Sifting Through Emotion and Grief

in #blog4 years ago

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This year has been extremely trying on me, and my whole family. It has opened up more feelings and emotion than I can ever process in a lifetime.

The best way I can explain how I currently feel is like mush, my body has collapsed in on itself with no more strength to press through another devastating blow.

I have tried my hardest to focus on the positive, to work through each dark place as if the light is easily found, but yet it continues to slip through the crack that let that glimpse of light shine through.

I've lost another mother mentor, this past Monday. Another victim of the nasty evil turmoil of cancer. I am getting to a point where I am eluded from any feelings, just numb.

My ability to reason, make sound decisions, sleep or be slightly rational has gone missing along with that glimpse of light.

I feel as if I am unable to catch my breath, or even fathom the joy I felt in Thailand, I just want to disappear to the shores of Pattaya and feel the ocean's warm hug drift across my skin along with the warmth of the sun beating down on my angel kissed cheeks.

My greatest accomplishment this year, is continuing to wake up each morning and trudge through regardless to the heavy weight of loss and grief.

I am hoping and wishing that I will have a less difficult year ahead and that the universe will spare my family and myself from any other major trials.

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Sorry to hear of your loss. This year has not been kind to me, either. I've learned that my mother is terminally ill, lost a beloved dog, and was laid off from a job I liked. The job will actually be coming back in 2020, which is good.

In order to help me deal with the negative things, I've decided to cut out my escapes like alcohol and cannabis and just be present for all of the bad things. It's actually helped me deal with them better than trying to mask the pain.

I hope your new year is better than the last!

So sorry to hear about yet another loss, stay strong ❤️

Hang in there! Everything’s gonna be fine.🤗

I am so sorry to hear another passing of a love one.

The whole 2019 I have been attending funerals after funerals of mentors or parents of mentors.

It takes a while to get back up, but it is OK to grief when it is the season of grief, and celebrate when it is the season to remember the great life their journeys.

BIG BIG HUG.

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I've actually had a couple of go-rounds with grief and loss. There's a reason why I hate hospitals.

It just stacks up and up and up, doesn't it?

I've got no answers or suggestions save this: Just keep grinding along. The sun will shine again, and those memories that are so painful today will become useful and useable strengths. It takes time. Just that.

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Thank you everyone for you kind thoughts, warm vibes, and good juju. I am doing a little bit better than when I wrote this, to be honest I don't even remember writing this. I am slowly moving forward, cutting out the negative things that don't serve me and focusing in on my authentic self this year!!

Oh honey. Life has sure thrown its worst at you this year. You must be feeling awful and I am so sorry you must go through this. Lots of compassion your way. Xxx I do hope 2020 is a better one for you..

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