I eat my words. This was a self pity post. It's a funny thing though. By writing this, it seemed to open a door in the universe in just a few hours. I had an event after the post. Strangely enough, a friend introduced me to a girl with a glowing review .. the girl wants to talk about several projects with me. We exchanged cards.. Then on my way out, someone else grabbed me.. we exchanged cards and they have several events they want me for.. just by going and hanging at an event. I know this is how it works.. i was getting some bitterness shaping in... i'll write a post about that too! thanks for your reply