i♥Life - Is it Love or Abuse?
An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing. ― Lundy Bancroftt
Hello Steemit Fretz!
Years ago, when I was a teenager, I’ve been blinded on how love works and how it should be. Majority of us might have been in a relationship and think that if your partner is looking down at you or making you a punching bag that it’s okay because you love each other. NO! It’s never OKAY.
I’ve experienced this myself and this one I feel strongly about. I’m writing this as an awareness for those who are in an abused relationship right now and to help them do something about it. Thanks to @iamjadeline who gave me an idea of writing this post when I came to read her Love Our Spouse but Why Must I? It's a different line of topic but my post is something that not everyone really discusses about.
Abusive Relationship – What is it?
Anyone can be in an abusive relationship, whether you’re married, living in or in a same sex relationship, abusive Relationship happens when the partner (abuser) uses different kinds of methods/schemes in order to have complete control over you (victim).
Abuse doesn’t pick any gender, you could be a man, woman, lesbian, gay or a transgender, it doesn’t matter! For some, you’re not even aware that you are in this type of scenario and you may have realized it and it’s already too late.
Types of Abuse
Abuse is not just physical it has different aspects as well! This is why it is important that you are aware of these things to help you open your eyes if you are in this kind of relationship now or to help you from happening in the future.
Disclaimer: I am no expert in psychology and these I’ve come to know based from my experience and from those people that I know who had experienced this.
1. Physical Abuse
The most common form of maltreatment and the one that can lead to murder. I’m not scaring you my fretz, ignoring such behavior can lead to further physical abuse and at times, when it goes over the top can kill the victim.
My fretz, the most early signs of this kind of relationship is how your partner reacts when he or she is mad or out of element. When you’re quarreling and that person vents out one’s anger by hurting the person nearest to him/her. Yes that person did not hurt you but doing that to another person does exhibit a red flag. He is not doing this to you yet.
It will start from a little pulling, pushing and a little bit of slapping. Then you’ll get used to it. Then that person wants to do it more. Then making you a punching bag is next. You can’t even fight back because that person has already controlled the situation where you can’t even fight back.
My fretz it doesn’t mean that slapping can cause the relationship to be abusive but you’ve got to weight things out. Does this person do it to you often? Does this person do it whenever you make mistakes? Does this person do it whenever he/she feels like it?
Anything that your partner does to you physically is a big red flag. Don’t let this go out of hand my fretz! My best advice is to leave, leave before it becomes a normal thing, leave before it becomes something that you’re used to, leave before it becomes okay that your partner does it to you.
2. Verbal/Emotional Abuse
This one is like a slow type of poison and one doesn’t even know that you are in one when you’re already broken!
“You’re stupid!”
“You’re ugly!”
“You never get things right!”
“You’re a loser!”
These are name naming are usually done by weak people. They tend to do this just to show that they are superior and they know everything but in the end they are nothing. They take their low self-esteem by bashing their partner to bits and pieces.
They are also sweet talkers. They are the ones that lets you feel that it was your fault and it’s not their fault. You blame yourself even more without realizing that slowly, they’re taking every piece and bit of you until you don’t know yourself anymore.
These two are the ones that stood out because I’ve seen my fretz had their lives ruined because of these two. It has almost ruined mine as well. Good thing I woke up in the nick of time. You will always see the pattern and when you do it gets harder to get back from who you’re used to be.
There's a big difference between being in a loving relationship versus an abusive relationship! If you see your friend being in this situation, help him/her! I hope you are all having a blast today my fretz!
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This is really deep. I really resonated with your article. It inspired me to write my post today. Thanks Dawn.
Anj x
Looking forward on reading it Anj! :)
Urgh... hate these things.
On top of this dark post which is already awakening rage in me, that photo of the dog in the barbed wire just hurts as well.
Nice post, abuse not nice at all :)
Cheers
Yes, Rukka!
Well, yes I feel bad for the dog too. Hopefully, it's just photoshop. Thanks for droppin' by. ^^
Well done, lots of wisdom here. Good writing Sheree <3
I noted the doggy too, I think it is photo-chopped...
Thanks @underground! lol nice one on the chopped ^^
Emotional abuse is very damaging, it is invisible yet it eats away at victim's self-worth without them even realizing it.
Well written post!
I agree!
@dxn it is! So very scheming and very slow but deadly.
too much abuse just destroy us from inside
Yes it does @blazing.
Thank goodness you were able to get out of that situation. Great post!
@bozz It was a good thing that it didn't eat me out in the process. :)
In reference to what you said about verbal abuse...
This is so true. It's not always easy to identify when you are receiving verbal abuse. In my opinion, the function of a relationship is to build you up and help you grow. Sure, sometimes that does involve breaking you down but that doesn't mean you are being verbally abused... it could just mean that you are being empowered through a truthful observation.
Verbal abuse is most certainly a different thing and it doesn't feel good. If you constantly feel pushed down by your partner... then it's likely time to get the hell out of there.
That's my two cents! Great share here @dawnsheree!
Cheers,
~ @axios
@axios
Yes, there are times when you can't help to say something bad with your partner, especially when in anger but if that person has done that as a past time that's another story. ^^
Thanks for sharing your point of view. I enjoyed the read. :)
That doll picture describes very well how it can leave a person when being in an abusive relationship. Raising awareness is one of the most essential things to do. It's heartbreaking that these kind of relationships exist...
@ladolcemusica
Yes, it does! It's quite a shame that a lot of people are seeing this as love, which shouldn't be. There is a fine line between respect and love.
The worst part of this is the abuse cycle, that I read about. Where the abuse happens, and then apologies stream in, and promises that it would never happen again. I've never experienced this myself, but it sounds pretty scary.
The cycle is the scariest, it's allowing that person to do that to you all over again, and again, and again.
Oh yeah, this kind of stuff is never healthy. I hope people can mature enough to stop hurting each other like this. Thank you for sharing.