.........YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! Believe it or not........

December 18th and seven shopping days left till Christmas. As a rule for years, I don’t do the Christmas shopping thing at the local stores and such. The reasons are simple: I don’t like shopping for one and two, I can pretty much get what I want on-line, all year long with food being the only exception. Pretty darn simple as I do like simple.

Before mid-day my wife (she who must be obeyed) said I must stop being a “Bah Humbug Hermit” and insisted we go to a local strip-mall. I relented and off we went. Once inside a big box store jammed full of stuff and shoppers, I grabbed a small basket poked around, found a few things I thought were nice and checked-out (yes I know typical guy..in and out). I texted my wife and told her I am done and I’ll be outside waiting and not to rush (time and my dear wife are strangers but I always like to throw that one in for good measure).

I unloaded my two bags in the vehicle and being it was eighty degrees plus, I left the parking lot and headed back to the storefronts. I found a shaded spot usually familiar by those who “light up.” I sat down on the brick plant frontage and I lit up a cigar (mind you the quickie kind, the ones that look like a cigarette).

I was observing to my left a customer and store employee trying to get a very large mirror far too large for the size of the vehicle. I kept watching some mindless entertainment. All seemed right with the world… and then….I hear this loud voice

Excuse Me!

I turn my head to the right and just stared: a young 20’s something woman along with her three companions stop dead in their tracks and unload.

I don’t like inhaling your SMOKE!

She is literally screaming at me. I say nothing. She continues..

As a consumer I have the right to shop here without having to inhale your smoke.

So I ask

Do I have any rights?

No you don’t. Smoking is a public health hazard and banned by LAW, are YOU STUPID, don’t you know what you are doing to MY health, what you are doing to the environment…it’s against the LAW. I KNOW THE LAW!

So during this tirade I light up another one. Oh and it gets worse, much worse (if you are still here reading this) I'll cut it off there, you get the picture?

I ask

Are you "all” from around here?

No and that has nothing to do with it - beat red and screaming!

The other three now chime in… it’s full game-on. And through all the noise, I then I hear TRUMP idiot and the usual nonsense along with (no surprise) we are here on vacation.

YOU ARE RUINING our DAY - FELLA!

Fella ???- what a curious word to use, must be new to the progressive descriptor arsenal.

Do you want to listen to me now?

Okay…yeah sure (laughing, joking and general giddiness)

… for one this isn’t California, two there is no such law in this state, and yes I voted for President Trump, yes I love my country, and our flag and would gladly forfeit my life in her defense – WOULD YOU ALL? and yes I have a gun, in fact several, and yes I am on the “right” of politics based on independent thinking, reasoning of facts and do not consume FAKE media brainwashing and to you and to all you Social Justice Warriors – I tell you all to go FECK yourselves – but I am damn sure—you all will be HUGELY disappointed. Now, we are done.

SIR - YOU ARE MOST DISRESPECTFUL!

I was done and done and lit up yet another one.

My wife returned quite some time thereafter, I said nothing about what occurred and tried to re-run this in my head as I would post it here and now have - honest and accurate.

My singular 2017 Christmas shopping experience – there will be no others. And so it goes.

^{Gif credit Giphy}