The 3 UNIVERSAL bottlenecks that you will meet on your projects

I was at a business conference and the speaker told us a great story: 

I was in a coaching session in a teahouse. It had the scented candles on the windows and the chairs or pillows you could stay at your choice. My client had chosen the chairs and, for a second, I felt sorry because I wanted to stretch a little. They looked good at those colorful, orange and blue, fluffy, big pillows.

Then I understood the choice of my client. He could not relax. She barely managed to hold on to her seat, not tossing her seat. The cushions would have been an exaggerated decision and would not have represented him at all in that context.

He was just over 40 years old, hired in a corporation, and a few years ago he had made an "exit" plan. He wanted a business on his own. Being a fairly calculated dog, he decided not to throw himself away. He raised investment money and, in the meantime, alongside his workplace, began to document his business idea.

It's been years, the money got stuck in the account, but the resignation decision has not come.

He laughed when he said,

"The books translated into Romanian I have finished, I think, all about 2 years ago. Since then I have books right on the Amazon. I am subscribed to several dozen profile sites. I'm reading all the time and I'm afraid. What if I fail?

I feel like something I'm missing, I do not know everything. But if you asked me to write a book about it, I do, because there is a lot of information. I checked yesterday the folder where I collected the research materials, it has 114 giga. "

"Let me understand: do you have the investment money?" - I asked him.

"Yes, I have more than I need. I'm still tight. "

I tried to encourage him:

"Super! You are one step ahead of 90% of those who want to do what you want. "- I told her.

"The problem is not that. I do not know what I'm waiting for, but I can not actually move. What if I give it to the bar? That thought terrifies me. I'm thinking I'm not good, in fact, nothing but what I'm doing now, as an employee. And I feel like making a huge mistake by leaving. But at the same time I judge and want to go more than ever, because I do not like what I do. "

I'm not going to tell you what happened next, because I just wanted to give you a sample of what a "stuck" man looks like.

Now comes the climax:

Like if I told you it was three big bottlenecks a person faces on his way to his goal?

And there is a set of measures, actions and behaviors that can save you from them.

Damn it, just knowing that there are these bottlenecks is already sheltering you.

But let's take it slowly.

The three major bottlenecks

The blockages I'm talking about have a lot to do with the stage you're "on your way" to the dragon (objective). Every book, every movie, every game that creates addiction has three parts:

* The beginning - which covers about a quarter of the whole story (25%)

* The middle part - the most consistent, covers about half, sometimes even more (50%)

* The final part - which is similar, quantitative, to the beginning (25%)

We are paralleling our projects, where there is also a beginning, middle and final part when you close the project.

Each stage hides in it a universal lock that is part of our DNA. It's unlikely you will not feel it, though some people manage to overcome it, others remain stuck for a lifetime.

The three major, universal, blockages are:

* At first: the fear of failure (any project requires more energy at first to get moving and this involves greater anxiety)

* In the middle, when you are already moving, while doing: Repeat jam (or inability to work on a regular basis daily on your project without having a routine exaggerated perception is the inability to implement habits)

* At the end: the fear of success (when stress grows a lot and there is an exaggerated tendency to climb - there is also a word here "to laugh as a gypsy on the shore", when you have one step and finish, and yet you decide give up, turn back and go, often under the shocked eyes of those around you)

Each lock has its own psychological nuances and its own ways to move on. Personally, I have terrible experiences on each of the three, with projects never forgotten by fear or, if I started, by my inability to stay connected to the objective and to be minimally disciplined, but even when I even put my feet before finishing line.

We also worked with clients stuck in each of the three stages, so I know them in detail.

If you combine the three jams with the three big enemies, you will see a terrifying universe for the one who lives. But I want to draw attention to a detail that is essential: all three blockages are internal! If you do not have external resources (money, knowledge, credentials, paraffins, people or I know what) - they all become part of the journey.

If you do not have money, it is not a blockage, it is a missing resource. So a goal to achieve in your project.

It's much easier to work, as a coach, with a person who has no money to start a business, for example, with a person terrified of failure, whether he has the investment money or not.

Another important detail is that each lock needs a special role to get out of there:

* at the beginning - "let it go"

* at the middle - professional ("I'm present day on duty")

* at the end - martyr ("do whatever it takes to finish the project")

When you are at the beginning of a project, the inner struggle is given between reason, the need for control, the need to know that you will succeed ... and the identity of the man of action. The struggle is between your fears and the actions of your own, pushing you from behind.

There is a joke on this topic: "If the launch of a car model would depend on engineers alone, you would never get off the assembly line." In the start-up period, the more perfectionist you are, the harder you will be, and the more you will feel this blockage.

The greatest energy a man puts in is in this situation when he puts the whole mechanism in motion. A plane to fly, the biggest energy consumes it when it takes off. A train to move it, then the greatest effort is needed. Getting out of here is the major resource consumption. And the goal is to get to "momentum," to that kinetic energy that keeps you on track.

To be able to move forward, to overcome this blockage, you have to understand that you do not control the "outcome" in any way, but only the actions that theoretically lead you to that result. There is no project to "guarantee" success, because failure is part of the learning curve.

As long as you are not willing to fail, you are not even willing to "start".

The psychic struggle you are taking this stage is terrible. It is similar to a man standing on a shore and leaving the dry land, entering the water to reach the other shore. You can not get to the other shore if you do not move your ass off the shore where you stand.

This need to "know" everything that is going to happen is the one that sabotage you. The more you learn about what you are going to do, the greater your ignorance and the greater the fear becomes.

There are two sets of decisions that you can take and that shelter you at this stage:

* Documentation Diet (you are allowed to read up to 3 books, authors, case studies - about what you want to do, then act in a concrete way, not just on a cognitive level)

* Deadline for "documenting" (you put a deadline until you are able to read, learn, learn - all you need about your project, then act INDIFERENTLY TO PREPARE YOU)

In my case, when I'm at the beginning, I set a deadline of one week, most of the time, to document the route I'm doing. And then they take steps, no matter how hard they seem, how prepared I feel, how afraid I am. Because I know that she is a part of the process, and fear is just an illusion that I am feeding through the books, sites, people I'm studying, on the one hand, and lack of action on the other.

Here are two kinds of people - those who do not act because they feel the fear is unnatural and wait for it to pass. And those who act are afraid.

The second method is the healthiest approach you can have, because the fear is NATURAL and will never pass. We all are afraid, few admit.

The only way you can blur the negative emotions is to move. When you act, you actually start a dance with your own insecurities and fears. And they will help you further, teaming with you. But if you do not move forward, concentrating on fear, trying to eliminate it, you will only give it more power. You will become cognitively paralyzed and you will seek to bury yourself in information, making you act like this.

Repeat jam (when you act)

To be able to move forward, you need to create "momentum," to use the kinetic energy you already create, through your actions. But if you do not build a way to go forward every day, no matter how much you can, making big breaks between actions, you will develop a terrible feeling that you are struggling with the windmills.

If you can not find the pleasure of doing what you do, if you can not implement a habit, you will pour fuel into your negative emotions.

It's like having a plane you raise from the ground, but just when you pull the lever, to really fly, land and take it. The effort is colossal.

I will not insist very much here, there are tons of information on how to implement habits, some are also described in my book, The Essence of Efficiency, which you can buy here. Also, in the era of technology, there are many application deployments of habits that can help you do a little but daily.

The simplest way to create momentum is to print a calendar and, with a red marker (to highlight the paper), you draw a x every day you act on your project. The goal is to create an uninterrupted chain, knowing that every time you miss an "x", it's like the next day you end up (take off again, generating a fabulous energy to lift the airplane in the air ).

Implementing a habit is difficult only in the early days, but as time passes and "increase" the chain on your calendar, you will notice that it is becoming easier and more and more often flowing on your project. That means you've created a "momentum."

The final lock

The more you advance on your project, as you approach the end, you will have the feeling that it is increasingly difficult. Increase pressure on you, anxiety levels rise to alarming odds, "urgent" occurring everywhere, things start to happen to you.

Everything is in your mind, and this time. You become irrational, emotional, you do not recognize yourself, you want it to end all quicker. The carcasses appear. I had a client, at one point, who was about to sign a life changing contract that involves many zeros in euros. He took care that he would argue with his wife. The contract was never signed, because the man was preoccupied with divorce.

Divorce did not appear "naturally" in that case, it was provoked. At the end of the important projects that theoretically will change your life for the better, things start to happen if you are not careful. You get sick, I certify you with the near ones, you have a car accident, something happens. That something does not come from outside, it's your fear of success.

The demons at the end of the projects are extremely strong. That's why I insisted that at the end of a project, "the great battle" takes place, because the dragon sends out the best against you.

In "Return to Love," Marianne Williamson describes the lives of someone who sabotages, even before going to the next level, to really change their lives, to defeat the "dragon" he has before him:

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are overwhelming. The light in us, not the darkness, frightens us.

We wonder - who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? In fact, who are you not to be like that? You are the child of God. When you do small things you do not serve the world or you. There is nothing spiritual in shrinking you altogether, that others do not feel insecure when they are with you.

We are all meant to shine, just as the children do. We were born to be a manifest in the name of God, who lives within us. It's not just in a few of us, this glow is all over the world. And when we are allowed to shine, unconsciously let other people shine. Because we release ourselves from our greatest fears and our mere presence frees others around us. "

The great battle with our inner demons at the end of the projects is so disastrous that we need to be 100% focused, balanced, determined. Willing to make the "jump", really go to the next level, to be heroes in the true sense of the word.

Fighting the dragon, in the great battle of the end, is the struggle to reach the end line, not just to stop a few yards ahead of her. It's about closing the project. To free yourself. Not to run. To keep the line when all your universe seems to fall apart.

That's why I said that in the end, by this decision to become better, you become a martyr. Because you're killing some of you to give birth to another. They sacrifice an old identity for a new, brighter one. Your faults at this point are purifying and give rise to an incredible reserve of courage, energy, love.

You are "another".

You're finally a hero.

Final project times are the hardest for me. I pay attention to my inner feelings, do not stray, do not run away from my destiny, not turn back. I know, because I've done it so many times. I know because I saw so many people doing the same thing.

And usually at the end, when I know it's BEAUTY with my dragon, I absolutely shut down any channel of communication with the outside. Because I do not want to be distracted. Many times, on the end of the projects, my wife leaves for a few days with the child at my wife. Because he knows what I'm doing. Understand.

The fight is terrible, but also because I know one thing about it: maybe I start hard in a project, maybe I have holes in the discipline, I find the right pace to move forward but always go through that final line in a form or another.

I'm just face to face with of my dragon,

I, face to face with the old I.

And my whole universe depends on me at that moment. I will not win. But that fight. To teach my lesson. Let me move forward.

Dearfully,

Adrian

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