Pura and I made an invisible pinky swear about attending Steemfest 4 prior to arriving in UK back in June. Fast forward a couple of months to now and we’re getting pretty comfortable here. Comfortable enough to where she’s back in front of a class room and just the other day I had a German Shepherd breeder in Germany on the phone—that kind of comfortable. I’d like to end this paragraph with I’ll see you in Thailand but maybe next year sounds more realistic.

Then I saw this contest posted by @anomadsoul and sponsored by @blocktrades that says all we have to do is write about what we’d like to (”like to”) do in Thailand—no attendance required. Two rules:

• Use the first two #tags I used.
• Click the post button by September 8th.

The contest is called “The Thai life and what to expect.” PS—each quality post receives a @blocktrades vote (I knew that part would _{get your} attention). 😉

First thing I’d like to will do in Thailand is give my phone a makeover, I’m going to the very first make-up counter I see. If it’s on the tarmac, just tell the pilot to slow down a little bit and I’ll jump off, point me toward the nearest vending machine and I’m good. The nearest kiosk, market, greeter, concierge, wherever I have to go to get one, first thing I’m doing is changing my...

SIM Card.

_{(you should click that)} One with a gajillion gigs for the week and unlimited international calling in case I need to use a lifeline in Thailand. I’ll set the browser to automatically open on DuckDuckGo which reminds me—a converter for my phone charger. Depending where you’re coming from, the wall receptacles are going to be different than the ones at your house, you don’t want to get caught with a dead phone on your person in Thailand—I’d like a universal receptacle converter with me in Thailand. Gigs, browser settings, wall converters, all equally important and I’d like unlimited access to each of them like a stack of mostly clean plates at the buffet line but first things first.

Google translate for iOS

_{(no need to click that one)} Like the matrimonial relationship between a soldier and his weapon, I want instant access and no mis-click’s regardless if it’s an illuminated screen or not, in a crowd or in a holding tank—I’d like to have uninterruptible access to my translator aPP in Thailand.

I’ll be hungry when I get there and iheart Thai food. I’d like a diet defiant, no Tums required smorgasbord of Thai food in Thailand which I obviously wouldn’t call Thai food, it’ll just be #food. I’m good with body language communication, been practicing all year. My universal sign language is up to date, too, I just downloaded the latest version but I don’t know a smidgen of Thai and I’ll need to eat. What happens if I ask for what I think is something simple like Pad Thai with Noodles and Potstickers but the street vendor heard Get High with Poodles and Pot Smokers? “Woah, wait, what?!” Talk about a misunderstanding! I’d like my translator aPP to be even more reliable than Uber in Thailand—transportation.

I’d like to have my translator aPP in Thailand so I can communicate with the Uber driver at the airport. A spliff passin poodle is nothing compared to the Uber driver who heard you say “dang, this is gonna suck!” When all you said was “hey, thanks for picking me up!”

I’d like to visit Phi Phi Island in Thailand, the one where they filmed that Leonardo movie—I’m going to need Uber for that one, too, see what I mean? Translator aPP. Even though I just spelled it out and went to Wikipedia to verify it’s called Phi Phi Island, I’d hate to have to try to explain myself to the Uber driver who thought I said Pee Pee Eyelids. “Wooaah.... Eh.. Phi Phi! Fee Fee! F! Fu, like free” and dude thought I said ‘three’ so now we’re even more confused and he’s asking me “how many? Free what?!?” And I’m trying to tell him “free, not three” and we both have our hands up to our shoulders, looking at each other like a couple of red emojis all frustrated but won’t stop smiling for anyone. I’d like to have unequivocal access to my translator aPP in Thailand.

But really, not that every.single.thing I just told you isn’t real or anything, yes, I’d like to have my translator aPP in Thailand, true, but I’d like to see who shows up to #steemfest 4, 2019. I’d like to do that the second week of November in Thailand.

I’d like to hang out in reality with all of you virtual people, I won’t consider naming everyone right here because I’ll leave way too many out. I’d like to meet who’s reading this right now. If, in fact, we meet and, upon returning from Steemfest 4, I suddenly stop returning your calls, you’re a fruitcake—no hard feelings. Just kidding (totally serious).

The big curation crews, I’d like to meet the people behind those in Thailand. Hid, rif, ran and them. Sid and the posse, I could meet like five with one spider in Thailand. This is what I meant back there when I said:

..I won’t consider naming everyone right here.

All of you who have supported me since my arrival in September, 2017, I’d like to meet you in Thailand and the people who make a mess with me on Fridays. I’d like to see how many of them will admit how many times even the weed smokin poodle wouldn't touch their food but they wrote about it like it was delicious—don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. 😉 ...in Thailand. Not without my translation aPP I won’t! See what I mean??

I’d like to have 3G, 5G, whatever G they’re on right now in Thailand to access my translation aPP and I’d like my A.i to be on point—100% translations 100% of the time in Thailand. And, finally, if it isn’t too much to ask, I’d like it if no one gets pissed when I ask them to talk to my phone as I’m holding it up to their face in Thailand with the microphone directed toward their mouth like I’m paparazzi and a big aPP smile on my face that says “oh, please, talk slow enough so this Phi’King thing doesn’t Phi’Cup.” That one, with two P’s.

Wednesday