I went to see Ken Kenderson in his cubicle after my 17-hour reorientation about productivity. (I was standing at the printer considering the environment when the automatic system flagged me as non-productive.)

He's wasn't at his desk, in fact his desk wasn't there at all. It had been hurled across the room. The whole damn floor was empty. Where is everyone? A bloody message was scrawled on the beige cubicle wall fabric (I mean come on guys, don't you know we rent these things and have to keep them nice!) which said "Consider the Environment". It was real mess in there. Lead Janitors @ned and @dan will have to work all day to get the blood stains out of everything.

Meanwhile, I followed a trail of potting soil (I thought they were Oreo crumbs!) from his cubicle to the elevators. The trail stopped at the broken elevator shaft that leads to sub-sub-sub-sub basement ✂. I was late for lunch so I didn't have time to investigate, but I did eventually get some Oreos to eat!

Hugh Jordon, Security Officer and certainly not my boyfriend, was over at my apartment last night for [insert generic excuse] and brought along security camera footage from sub-sub-sub-sub basement ✂ that seems to show Ken staggering around the hallway in his underpants. There was no audio but he seemed to be moaning or wailing.

Please consider Ken non-productive, highly soiled and in possession of some dangerous plant material. If any employee should come into contact with Ken, or any of the staff from Floor ♛ please alert me at once by thinking really hard about it. As a reminder, Class Q plants are restricted to Research Staff and Management only according to the wise and all knowing F:Drive.

Thank you for your attention in this very serious matter.

Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division

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To: Upper Management Distro
From: @quantumanomaly
Subject: re: considering the environment

Dear management,

In our best efforts to consider the environment, and as chief of the IT department (the Interdimensional technologies dept, not the "other" IT), we've been importing various plant species from across the multiverse to be "considered". However, Ken Kenderson caused quite the ruckus about our "invasive screening procedures" and made off with several Class Q plants. These plants are very dangerous and should not be allowed outside of their specified containment vessels. Please have the plants returned and have Ken review the policies in the "preventing interdimensional harassment" guide.

Thanks,
~QA

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From the Email Archives of the BlockCorp Industries Servers:

"Eagles soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." - Steven Wright

Special Halloween Plot: Ken Kenderson is in possesion of some killer alien plant life from god only knows where! Scrawled in blood on the inside of his cubical wall are the immortal words "Please Consider the Environment". He's last been seen wandering the hallway of sub-sub-sub-sub basement ✂!

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