Steemit Was Attacked By Advanced Quantum Computing AI Hivemind
Ok, so you might've noticed that Steemit and Busy surprisingly stopped working altogether recently. And if you were like me, you were right in the middle of posting when it crashed. "What the hell happened to you now Steemit?" getting you to leave your dreams of becoming a digital nomad right outside the closest McDonalds with wi-fi.
Examining the situation from every cheek of the butt, I think I have a fairly good estimation of what happened.
Ned's Hivemind
Recently @steemitblog introduced us with Hivemind which is supposed to bring at least communities and some library stuff enabling developers to do some more cool stuff. Yeah, you probably noticed that I am not a tech guru like the 9657 other Bangladeshi Steem-users with a bitcoin******, crypto****** steemmoonwhale****** , etc prefixes. But hey, at least you now kinda know what to expect.
Ok, let me explain everything
So, Ned with his teem at Steemit Inc. started their mission to create the Hivemind, but in order to do this they needed nodes all around the world, even in Amazon. He sent number of letters there but none went through, so he had to go there by himself to deliver the master nodes.
Upon his arrival into the midst of rain forests he encountered local native people of the Amazon who didn't have a single faint what Ned was trying to do with this foreign box that seemed like a evil spirit's work, a demon's incarnate. They thought that Ned was a necromancer, captured him and decided to feed him to the Python where his Steem master nodes would end up tucked on his armpit.
Now, Ned's heart started raising and blood pressure increased from the thought of wrestling with a 20-meter-long fat worm. Luckily, he had a secret weapon: the Hivemind, which he had already implemented with every single bee in the world. That's why the amount of bees has been alarmingly vanishing; Ned, with Steemit Inc., has done such an extensive amounts of trials with bees, most of them failing leading to mass deaths of bees. That's why we'll soon not have any bees to fertilize us more trees. (#blamened).
But the Hivemind had still a few bugs: Ned has been able to connect to the Hivemind but the sheer amount of information that the Hivemind can deliver from everything and everywhere at the same time, had been unbearable, causing him to stroke whenever it was activated. You'd think Ned would be aware of this, but every time he tried it, he lost his memory from the period of testing the Hivemind.
Without knowing himself, he was going to be fed to the Python, stroking while trying to call the Hivemind to his help.
But it turned out Ned was the luckiest man in the world: the native inhabitants of Amazonian rain forest, decided to give him ayahuasca, believing it could open Ned's eyes into the true nature of world, hoping his soul would be purged before vanishing into oblivion.
Ned was gagging from the disgusting taste of ayahuasca drink shoved down his throat against his will.
Soon after, Ned started to feel dizzy and vomiting violently while he was carried into the sacrificing area where the Python was known to slither for unfortunate prays stuck in the swamp.
Then it started: he began to see fractals, all the imaginable and unimaginable shapes, circles with corners, balls which were triangles, with every possible color inside and out the color spectrum. Auditory hallucinations started to invade his consciousness which evaporated from his skin; he heard @jerrybanfield's music penetrating into his being with full force. One more trauma which Ned had pushed back into his unconsciousness, began to show it's head. It felt like lasting for hours, days, months, years. Thousands of years, but somewhere where time wasn't a construct at all, as an egoless entity outside of our ties within time and space. Even @berniesanders wouldn't be able to call him out of this.
That was it: Ned was able to compute the master nodes even without a server, becoming the God of his existence. When the most important piece of the Hivemind was put in tack, it had reached a point where it's intelligent machine learning algorithms had figured out a way to best execute its purpose: to give Steemit and it's ruiner's a big middle finger. This was a horrible idea to begin with but it was merely a emotional reaction, fist against fist, insult against insult war against the flagging wars. An understandably humane reaction to a stressful situation. Unfortunately, the artificial intelligence didn't avoid any means to fulfill its mission.
All the Hivemind's interconnected bees became part of Ned's mind, affecting it by producing a highly centered magnetic resonance fields with the orientating sensing sells they navigated by taking advantage of Earth's magnetic fields. They took over Ned's reptilian brain, and the Master had become a slave to his own creation.
The inhumanely superintelligent Hivemind used Ned's all brain power to send quantum mirroring messages all across the Universe replicating every possible kind of combination and style of communication as a cry for help to Ned.
But even before the quantum mirroring was done, an UFO appeared out of nowhere into the spacetime taking Ned with it. Sadly the Python was left only with the previous library of skulls from previous victims sacrificed by the Amazonians.
Waking in the foreign species ship, Ned heard incomprehensible talking, but it took only a moment for the Hivemind to put the peaces together to become fluent with it instantly.
Ned didn't even have to use his vocal chords; he could communicate telepathically which made the aliens instantly worship Ned as an supernatural entity, closest thing to God that could ever exist in the realms of Universe.
Like humans, even aliens would do anything for their God, like for example provide all their quantum power to take over Steem blockchain so that Ned could do his mission; spam the blockchain with dickpics and lambos. There was actually no reason to borrow the power from the aliens because he had enough of his own, but he thought that then he would might as well use it to become the greatest meme in the whole Universe.
But at some point while stalling the production of blocks and posting infinite amount of memes insulting reward pool rapists and circlejerkers, his own entity was coming down from his ayahuasca trip and he realized: "What the hell am I doing?" Right away he called to Steemit Inc.: "Didn't I tell you that you should hide the Steem blockchain's On-Off switch despite my opinion shifting afterwards? Yes, exactly for the situations like these when my mind is hijacked by bunch of bees, didn't you put it inside our roadmap!?" Sigh... "Lemme just quickly delete these @haejin triangle memes before putting Steemit back up and running."
Are you saying Ned does drugs and that is why the 2017 roadmap is not complete?
Nah, I think it's the hookers. No one can resist that hair:
He does love his hookers. It seems you have hung out with him late at night.....you've seen him without his toupee hair on.
Yeah, could be that I've forgotten a few details from that, for obvious reasons... realized it after finding this picture.
Seems likely. I was asleep at the time and nothing else exists while I am sleeping. Thanks for an entertaining read.
It's always a pleasure to be the voice of truth.