BitShares Hit by Cat 5 Miracle of HEROic ProportionssteemCreated with Sketch.

in bitshares •  2 years ago  (edited)

"Adventures, nasty things, make you late for Summer." - Bilbo Baggins

But "This Summer" is officially here! The biggest BitShares news since 2.0 stormed its way ashore last summer, er, two summers ago can now be told. (Sorry it's taken a year longer than planned, but hey, we're talking miracles here.) I actually drafted most of this article more than a year ago.

BitShares Hurricane

Hurricanes and Tornados have categories based on strength, why not Miracles? Historically, it appears it was just as easy for Jesus to do a big Cat 5 Miracle as it was for a little Cat 1, so I’ll base my scale on the degree to which I am personally impressed.

BitShares impressed

Category 1 Miracles, e.g. Changing Water into Wine

This is clearly a miracle, as described in John 2:1-11, because it violates all known laws of physics. Nevertheless, I give it a mere Cat 1 rating because, hey, I could simulate such a miracle myself with a glass of water and a couple fizzy tablets of freeze-dried Château Margaux. The miracle would then become more about how those tablets wound up back in 30 AD.

BitShares Château Margaux

Category 2 Miracles, e.g. Walking on Water.

This is the next level of impressiveness because, as described in Matthew 14:22-33, I can’t think of any way to simulate it on the open Sea of Galilee in 31 AD. Still, it only rates a Cat 2 because it’s conceptually fairly simple. It just needs a way to generate the right inertially-stabilized force orthogonal to the bottom of my Nike’s every time they are completely in contact with water. This ought to be something Doc Brown could figure out given enough time in the lab with Marty’s hover board.

BitShares Hoverboard

Category 3 Miracles, e.g. Resurrection of the Dead.

As described in John 11:38-44, this is a whole new category because it is, to say the least, computationally intractable. The number of individual operations required to reconstruct each and every decayed cell in a three-day old corpse is mind-boggling. I’ve seen the latest models of a living human cell. There are entire self-replicating chemical factories in there! Even repairing one such cell seems like it might require multiple teams of surgeons able to do reconstructive work on an atomic level. I’m going to have to put this into the category of requiring an omnipotent, omniscient Creator to pull it off. Still, it’s not as impressive as the next two categories, so it only gets a Cat 3 rating.

BitShares Cellular Machinery

Category 4 Miracles, e.g. Co-evolution of DNA and the Cellular Machinery to Process it.

This is where we leave the realm of the mere supernatural and enter the domain of science, fiction. Here the universe randomly constructs the DNA specifications that describe how to assemble, say, a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. This seems like it might be a bit harder than coming up with the private key that contains Satoshi’s main bitcoin stash without using a computer, but remember, we’re talking Cat 4 Miracles. Then we simultaneously need to generate, out of thought-free random mutations of primordial goo, a self-replicating cellular factory that can read that DNA spec and assemble said cheerleader from scratch. Both of those improbably random events need to occur at the same time and place with the DNA ticker tape conveniently pre-inserted into the perfectly functioning cellular factory’s tape reader. All without intervention of a Designer or any supernatural funny business. That would be cheating.

BitShares Cheerleaders

Category 5 Miracles, e.g. The Second Coming of BitShares

If you made it this far, congratulations, you are clearly a True Believer and therefore worthy to be one of the first to know about this most exceedingly improbable but absolutely true miracle:

BitShares has just been promised a series of a funding infusions that dwarf all it has spent since work began on the Fourth of July, 2013.

You can read about it at and watch our production quality presentation at Startup Hollywood last Saturday here:

This video is also our long-awaited roadmap for the coming year and contains salutes to Steemit, Peerplays, and EOS as well. It is the culmination of a plan first released to you as my first Steemit article over a year ago: Whale Powered Assets.

While no individual deal is more than a credible commitment at this point, the spontaneous appearance of that much whale power seems less probable than the co-evolution of a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader and her autonomous cellular assembly mechanism. Hence I give it my highest Cat 5 Miracle rating. Our Business Development team is good, but they are not this good. This can only be an Act of God, and so we’ll leave the credit to Him.

It does make me wonder a bit what He is up to though…


Stan Larimer, President and CEO
Cryptonomex and Heronomex
The Godfather of BitShares and the HERO

About the Author -- Stan Larimer

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Very well written and entertaining. You had me strung along all the way to the end, wondering, "Whatever could be greater than the first 4 Categories?". Great writing style!


I'm still giggling and will probably be laughing out loud out of the blue throughout the day because of this one. Thanks! I love the idea of categorizing miracles too, especially after a child asked me if I believed in miracles last week, to which I answered by the affirmative and didn't where to start from since there has been so many over the course of my life. Therefore, the raw amount of divine blessings upon blessings could get a certain categorization. I'm in with your classification and can't wait to see what the category 5 holds in store for us all!?!

I'd love to use my SBD and STEEM to buy all I can, but I'm not sure how to make it happen quite yet, especially since my computer crashed on me last week!

Have a wonderful day, keep your smile, all for one and one for all! Namaste :)

The ambience at the Startup Hollywood event where our briefing was "filmed before a live studio audience."

  ·  2 years ago (edited)

Event production crew...

Watching the presentation as I type this and I'm almost 50 minutes and so far it is one of the better presentations I've seen on cryptocurrencies in general. All the more impressed that it is about bitshares this time. With a lot of people coming around to the concepts that used to earn it a lot of critique, I do feel it's time bitshares is getting some of the recognition it deserves.

Wait to see the 1 billion $ price final ...

It will be interesting to see this pan out.

The video is back!

Quoting Bilbo was a nice trick to draw my attention ;-)

Awsome. Going to put this on facebook (if you remember what that is).

Very impressive! So glad I watched!

I'm still learning, this video helps. Anyone have a recommended book on this subject?

BitShares has just been promised a series of a funding infusions that dwarf all it has spent since work began on the Fourth of July, 2013.

Is there any chance I could get an explanation of what this means this without having to watch the video? Even in broad terms? Does this mean that Someone promised to buy a lot of BTS? Because that would be directly exciting for us BTS holders. Or does it mean that Someone promised to pay a bunch of Bitshares People to do stuff? Also neat, but substantially different.

That's what is for. Read whatever interests you there.

I'll be publishing lots more about it here, over time.

Please do publish as much as you can on the blockchain. It will help with transparency etc.

You should really watch it.

I'll get the information when/if someone publishes a transcript. I can read 10x faster than I can watch.

I am with you on this.

I can read and dissect a text way quiker than suffering through a presentation, no matter how well done and captivating it may be.

Try and speed up the video, faster and more hilarious. :p

Hah, good idea

me gusto verlo

I'm watching right now and I'm excited!

I would like to point out @michaelx did a great job. Bravo. Him and @stan make a great team. Michael was one of the 2 people the suck me into Bitshares and I have been stuck there every scene.

  ·  2 years ago (edited)

Thank you. We have never even rehearsed that and some of the slides or even changed up until about 20 minutes before the presentation. Working hard on getting the Bitshares tech and name out there the way it deserves to be the best.

Congratulations @stan!
Your post was mentioned in my hit parade in the following category:

  • Pending payout - Ranked 6 with $ 668,68

Awesome video! Thanks for sharing.

So, there's going to be a TV show?

Ill be on it if asked.

Nice content in this post! thanks for sharing :)

nice...resteem and upvote for your...

Am still learning its great help to me!! Awesome video!! Thanks for sharing!! :)

Is there a way to place an order relative to the feed? E.g. selling HERO at feed + 1% ?

Sounds like a bot someone might write...

love the article Stan u put a super effort in this.. can you help my friend out if you like the article

I watched the video of you at the conference. Who was the guy with you on the stage? Didn't find infos about it, yet.

Michael will go down in history as one of the great contributors to the success of BitShares.

But BitShit ISNT a success. That's what you're missing.

I love your job, follow me and we help each other

You Biblical illustrations are so cool @stan, please can you recommend a link where i could read more on Bitshares.....


I got a security issue when I click on the sovereignhero link !


Thank you.

still seeing a certificate issue when I go to the site.

Very intrigue ! Nice writing style ...
Using miracles you linked unlinkable =]]]
Watching video now...

Hi @stan Great post! I'm late to the cryptoverse and was just wandering if this still stands considering this post is 3 weeks old. I checked out the last few weeks and clearly you were spot on. Are Bitshares still a good investment (long term) I'm guessing yes, but would love to hear your advice.

Can't give financial advice - but read my latest posts and ponder them well. :o)

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You've privated the video. Or whoever the uploader is. It's a great presentation by the way :) But I'm just hearing about your future plans, and I'm still learning everything blocky here :D It's a wide topic it seems, with many related and tied to it :)

Anyways I can't say anything else, I wish you well I hope you have the right goals and are not "mislead"

I linked the post to @here but saw the video was down :)

Nice article. Took me some time to get to Category 5.

So is Sheldon character based solely on you or did they have any other inspiration? :D

Perhaps ... if you mean Hari Seldon...

Oh! I have read Asimov before but not the Foundation series. The plot is very interesting so I will check it. Thanks!

You'll love Arkady Darrel


Hi @stan, get work! Buy the way the video link you provided went private. Any other options for watching?

stan man this stuff is great content. upvoted and followed :)

oh very nice job sir

  ·  2 years ago (edited)Reveal Comment

You are great!!

Got me some more bts because of the vid! As for the contest, still lost in all that info - are there any limitations to participation?

We want all the world to participate. Join one of the 12 leading teams. Anyone can lead a team.

It seems you have a history of aiming high and sometimes trusting the wrong people. I think you should make some kind of statement (in a post at least) about the latest incident, because it's very likely to hurt you and your project if you don't.

maybe so, but he clearly still trusts him, so it's irrelevant we missed the VR reality AR game show and a couple of million billions