Struggling With Acceptance and Looking For Some Guidance

in #awareness6 years ago (edited)

In order for us to move forward in life we need to accept what is happening. From there we can then make the decision on how we wish to move forward. I have written recently about how important it is to accept our emotions, that in doing so we take responsibility for them, we honour them and learn from them. We then allow our lives to be in flow and we all know how I like things to flow. It is the natural way of things in nature.

But what happens when it is some one else's behaviour that you are being asked to accept. Generally I am fine about this, within reason of course, as each person is on their own life journey and one thing that I have learnt, is that it is really important to accept people for who they are. We are not here to change people, that has to come from self. We can possibly offer guidance but the best is to live by example.

But, what if someone whom you love is not being treated with the respect they deserve. When in a time when they need to be living a stress free life due to their health, the person closest to them is constantly putting their stress onto them, is putting their needs first and making my loved one feel guilty for being unwell. My heart is screaming out to go talk to this person and tell them that what they are doing is wrong, that their behaviour is dis respectful and really is damaging the healing of my loved one. But I know if I say these things then they will be repeated and cause more stress and possible result in me being alienated from the person I care most about. How do I know this, because that person whom I care about has always put this other person first.

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Image Source:https://themindsjournal.com/thats-the-problem-with-putting-others-first/

When you have always put other people's well being before your own, it can be very difficult to change that way of thinking. A lot of that comes down to your feelings of self worth, in actually believing that you matter, that you deserve to put yourself first sometimes. A lot of it has to do with self love. So much imbalance in ones life, comes from a lack of self love. I have tried to sit with this person and talk to them about the importance of self care and self love, listening is the easy part and so is agreeing. But that means nothing if the person does not believe it, does not feel it.

I will keep trying, because this is the person that needs to feel loved and appreciated, who needs to feel supported. But I feel like this is not enough. I have been known to speak my truth in the past, to the point of, putting some people in their place, by being very open about their behaviour and how it is affecting either me or others. But this time if I were to choose this approach that person would become very upset, would feel under attack and would straight away put everything I have said on to the person I am trying to protect.

This is what makes it so complicated, because I feel like I need to do more, but in doing more I could make matters worst. What to do?

I know I have to accept that these two people have been together a long time and it is their life, their path. I have no right to tell anyone person how they should live and what would be the point, because, like I have said already any awareness, any change must come from oneself.



Image Source:http://www.yancyart.com

So I have had to bite my tongue a few too many times, I have had to be nice to someone whom I have found to be very selfish at times. I am trying my best to Accept that this is the way this person has always been and just because a tragedy has come into our lives does not mean that it will bring more awareness or understanding. I really was hoping it would, but it has not. I also have to accept that because of this tragedy this behaviour has become worst, I am trying, really I am but I am finding it so difficult.

It can be so hard to think rationally when you are feeling emotional, it can also be really hard to see from some one else's point of view, I do understand that, but it is not impossible. Surely there most be some little thing that I could do to maybe help bring more awareness to the situation. To help one see how important it is to put someone else's needs above your own, especially when that said person is undergoing so much suffering. I am writing this with the hope that it will help me to be more understanding, that it will bring me more clarity about the situation. I do not what to upset the person who is suffering, they have chosen to be with this person and as such knows them better than me. Like I have said it is their life, not mine.

My focus has to remain with the person I am supporting, but maybe some gentle questioning of the other person maybe helpful. Maybe ask what they think would help to create a more stress free environment, maybe talk about how important it is for a stress free environment, to talk about the effects of stress and worry on some one who is unwell. I am worried though that if I begin to talk about this then it will be hard to not talk about behaviours, especially if that one person responses in a certain way or is in denial.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions I am really open to hear them. Maybe I should just accept things as they are and leave well alone. But I do not like to turn a blind eye on things, that sort of thing just happens way too much as it is. We need to be coming together in times like this and I feel open and honest communication is really important, but I also do not want to introduce anymore stress or worry.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. What is the right thing to do? I really don't know.
All I do know is that I am struggling to accept the behaviours of one person and I am struggling to accept that I can do nothing.


1st Image Source:https://www.kalentri.pw/acceptance-now.html




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You are in a most difficult position. I have been there too and the only thing you can do is to protect the person as much as you can. Trying to confront the other person is always tough to do when you want to protect. Accepting your limitations is even more difficult. There are no easy answers and none are ideal. So sorry you are in this position.

thank you @cecicastor, yeah I know none of it is easy, but as you said I just have to protect them as much as I can. Sending you and yours much light and love xxx

Asi es para superar hay que aceptar!!

Well, you're pretty vague here, which is totally understandable, but that means I can only really relate my own experience. In my case it is my mother who is always going all out for everyone else and that just seems to make people take advantage of her, overwhelm and just expect so much from her, even when she's having serious health issues.

In my own experience, saying something to HER... if just giving her a safe place to vent, is about all I can do without causing her more stress that she 'should be' doing things differently (because that's how she'd see it, even if I were pointing out other people's behaviors)

I can't talk to any of the people doing the causing of the stress because there is no relationship there.

And I am sadly a believer in 'people will treat you how you allow them to treat you' and for some of us, those are long decades of habit that are not going to be changed by anyone outside of the situation, regardless of the good intentions on anyone's part.

I'm sorry you're dealing with the stress. It's difficult to be realizing so much about your own self and growth and then to see those you love who aren't there yet.

Yes I am vague, I feel I need to be really. thank you for your response and I really appreciate you speaking the hard truth as that is the reality of the situation, I guess I am just finding it hard to accept and let it be, but I know in some ways I must. Ah I am not very good at biting my tongue for too long, so we'll see how I go. thanks again @byn xxx

I hear you, I also totally understand why you need to be vague, but I didn't want to misread the situation completely either. I'm HORRIBLE at biting my tongue, but at this stage of my life the people who cause me the most stress are just no longer in my life so I don't have to deal with it. Now it is just biting my tongue when it comes to my adult kids occasionally. Thankfully not often!

Well, I think you do have to accept it as their path at least to some degree. I had to accept a host of things with my brother when he was sick. It was very difficult. I think your idea at the end of asking the person to make suggestions is a good one. Also talking about things you would like to do differently yourself would probably be helpful. Then it could also help to say it like you just read something recently about how important it is for people who are ill to be low stress and ask how you can all work together to help make that happen. I'm sorry there are so many challenges in this. I'm sending you love.

thank you mama, Yeah I think I have to take the approach of asking this person for answers and 'help' is the best route, bloody hard at times this acceptance thing xxx

No doubt. This is really the path to enlightenment, more so than meditation I believe.

I don't know if this will provide any utility in this situation, but when I faced a similar situation with one of my sisters, I was able to shift things for her at an energetic level by getting her a Reiki attunement. By "getting" I mean I signed her up and sent her the info on where she was to show up when. I was actually pretty surprised when she said okay and actually went! On top of it, my mother paid for an enrollment at the weekend training for herself too, and went with her!

The result was great for both of them. I'll skip all the details, but my sister now has a gem of a husband. Though she still struggles with Lupus and a demanding job, she's got a generally very happy life now, which was very much not the case back then. Sometimes people can surprise you with what they'll say yes to. Sometimes it is out of line with where they are coming from but completely in line with what Spirit has in mind for them, so it just feels right to them when you offer it. And doesn't involve anything against the "problem person" so no defensiveness there. We just trust that the recentering in their own energy the attunement does will over time do the rest.

thanks so much @indigoocean, that Reiki attunement sounds amaing, well done you for initiating that, I will look in to it for sure xxx

Oh I so feel for you reading this @truck-lifefamily - I know your upset comes from deep care for your loved one. It seems like you have to choose your actions and words carefully as you certainly dont want to make things worse. Definitely some diplomatic suggestions to the person is probably best. AS you say,, if they've been together for a while, maybe thats just normal for them, and maybe she won't deal with interfering in a positive way especially if she's unwell. Ihope by writing this post that you've come to some kind of resolution or answer. I know that you care deeply which is why you're struggling - sending your thoughts and a solution that works for you and your dearest ones xx

thank you lovely, writing about it definitely helped to clarify and calm me down some what. I have to really just take a step back from their relationship and focus on ours xx I hope you are feeling better, much love xx

Yes, much better this afternoon, though still a bit woozy. Funny, could be in the ocean for hours but more wobbly on land!

TAking a step back is probably the best thing my dear xxx It'll work out xxx

thank you lovely xx

I really and truly feel for you right now. I can give you a little perspective as I have been in the other person's shoes. When you live with someone who is selfish and controlling you develop a type of Stockholm syndrome where it doesn't matter how bad you are being treated, you will make excuses or passify the situation. This is for 2 reasons, one because you believe that their intentions are good and 'they can't help being that way' and two because if they find out, they will isolate you from those that care.
I had to come to the realization on my own. The best thing you can do is be there.
Alternatively, the offending person if they are reasonable enough, you could try talking with them directly and gently. Suggesting things that appeal to their ego to help guide them.
It worked with my ex. He had an aversion to picking my daughter up from the airport always wanting her to take a taxi on her own. One particular time I had read somewhere about appealing to ego. So i said this:
"More to the point , she's really missed you and was hoping that you would be there to pick her up. "
By making him feel important, it worked.
I know the circumstances are very different and I really hope that the fears you have will be resolved soon. Sending you loads of love and healing vibes... and a huge love bomb. 💖💖💖

thanks so much lovely for your feedback and advice, I think feeding the ego is definitely the way to go with this, I realize that my emotions are so strong and I need to pull back. Lots of deep breaths and focusing on what needs to be done and for me that is being there and being support. Thanks so much for the love and healing I can feel it, much love back xxx

I hear you! I learnt the hard way from both perspectives. Especially when it's the people you love who are being hurt, I know so well how hard it is not to stand up for them. I understand why people did for me too but ultimately the best way forward is being a rock and strength. Sometimes that means just simply being present and showing love.
Thank you for the love and you stay strong beautiful, I've got you in my thoughts. 💖💖💖💖

thank you my friend that means alot xx

@trucklife-family
Struggle is must in life because without struggle you not getting anything in life .
So keep it up you will get success

that is true @hirshan, thank you.

We cannot pour from an empty glass. Putting others first is draining the glass, we are pouring our souls and energy to them and there is nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with helping. After a while, glass becomes empty and there is no more pouring, no more helping. To be able to help others we first need to be well ourselves and self-care is really important. Thank you for this wonderful read, I enjoyed going through it. As for my suggestions... You can never go wrong with being honest and kind. Love opens all doors, it always will. Trust your intuition and your inner love that wants to be let free in the world. It will not fail you. You already have all the answers and know what you need to do. Follow your heart and take your brain with you for the ride. Much love and good luck 💚💚💚

thanks so much @zen-art for your suggestions and support xx

Oh @trucklife-family, I have been in similar situations and felt strongly inspired to cast something for ya, I hope you do not mind.

Question
What can @trucklife-family do regarding this tricky situation?


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King of Cups, 10 of Swords, 6 of Cups

While in a non-emotional, neutral, fair, and diplomatic state of mind, think of a time or moments in time when the situation, the social dynamics, etc. were much harmonious and less vampiric. Analyze those variables and dynamics, and see if you can reapply those principles in this 'newer' context.

G0dspeed!

Thank you @zero-infinity for your reading, it makes a lot of sense, to look at it from a different point of view, from a more harmonious point of view as that is the outcome I desire xx

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