When you dont see it coming, it hits just a little harder!

Today is Thursday and normally for us that means therapy for Master 4. However we had a call from Master 10's psychologist and she asked if we could bring him in to discuss his resent diagnosis.

Normally I would have gotten someone to babysit Master 4, Miss 3 and Miss 1 but unfortunalty on such short notice there was no one available. So they had to tag along.

Once we arrived at her office she offered to lock the practise so we could talk and the kids could continue to play in the waiting room. So of we went to start our conversation about Master 10. Things were going as expected, the little ones would come in and out and all things considered they were behaving pretty well.

During one such intrusion, Michelle, Master 10's doctor started to ask some questions about little Miss 3. I didn't think anything if it at the time, we continued talking about Master 10 and created a plan of action for the upcoming holidays and the start of next year. Then when we were coming to the end of our allotted hour when she asked if she could spend a few minutes talking to Miss 3.

My face must have said a lot, I just had a feeling that something big was about to happen. She began to ask a few more questions about some of Miss 3's behaviours and development. All of which have been either on par or advanced for her age. She has brilliant speech, above average skills in counting and reading for a 3 year old and doesn't display any of the signs that my boys did when they were her age.

Her fine motor skills are what one would expect for a 3 year old. She does have a few behaviours that are a little quirky but again, every child has their little mannerisms and so does she.

After about 15 minutes she calmly turned to me and said, "Miss 3 is Autistic." I nearly fell of my chair. She continued to explain. She is extremely high functioning, as was Master 10, but she is definetly Autisic.

My reaction was total disbelief. I would have thought having 3 children already on the spectrum that I would be skilled enough to notice if my girls showed any of the signs. I was wrong. She explained in great detail that girls display very different signs than boys do when they are on the spectrum. We spent a long time discussing Miss 3 and I left with yet another mountain of forms and questionnaires that she would like me to complete.

So today I have been placed back at the beginning of another journey. I have spent my day reminding myself that a diagnosis is not a bad thing. It is just a label that allows my children to access the help they require, when the need it.

Michelle went to great lengths to remind me that every child is different, although Miss 3 currently has no issues that need direct attention this may change over time as she developes and knowing early on that she is on the Autism spectrum will only assist me in the future if she does have difficulties. If they be emotional or physical we will be prepared, or she may have no major challenges and just see the world in her own way and manage just fine without any assistance at all.

I've also been trying to remind myself that had we had an earlier diagnosis for Master 10 we may have been able to combat some of the major issues he is facing at the moment a lot sooner. We would have been better equipped to deal with past meltdowns and anxieties if we had the knowledge we have now.

That being said it is still a shock. I am now the parent to 4 children with Autism. All 4 are different. All 4 have their own journey and I'm in the navigation seat. I'm responsible for making sure their needs are met and I'm responsible for recognising those needs when they cannot do it for themselves.

The challange is huge. Not to mention I now also have to keep note of any behaviours Miss 1 displays as the chance she is also in he spectrum just jumped up a significant amount.

To say it has been a stressful week already would be an understatement. As the year comes to an end I look back in the past few months and wonder how it is that we have survived, it has been an emotional roller coaster, especially for my boys but now I think to myself, how are we going to cope in the coming months.

You never know what life has in store for you. If you had said to me when I was 20 that I would be here where i am today I would have laughed.

Every person has challenges in their life. This is mine. I wouldn't change any one of my children. Not for all the money in the world. They are each exceptional. They are all beautifully different. They are all perfect, just the way they are.

When i asked the psychologist where do I go from here? She simply said "Just keep doing what you are doing." So that's what I'm going to do. I will take each day as it comes. I will tackle each set back and drama as they unfold just like everybody else.

Thank you for sharing my journey with me.

@mumofmany