12 Steps of an outcast

Outcasts are not born but created.

We come into this world kicking and screaming like everyone else.

But that's where are sameness ends.

Step 1. We are given a name:

We love this name. We love it when we spell it correctly for the first time in washable marker. Then someone spells it wrong. Then it's mispronounced. Then it becomes a joke.

It's okay, though. Eventually we hear the same corny pun done so many times it's as casual as someone asking how are day is.

Step 2. What school do you go to?:

Some of us get to say some local highschool that everyone knows. Everyone assumes that means you know all the kids that surround you. You know names, but only to 1 or 2 of them you know well enough to discuss.

Or

You say you're homeschooled. And that's the first time it happens. Someone looks at you with curious, stand offish eyes like you are a new animal at the zoo. They wonder if there is something off about you. Sometimes they follow up with "You're not what I expected!" And it feels like a compliment for a while. Then you realize what they real mean is "Few! You're normal!"

Then you are asked why? Sometimes you get to say "Oh I have a learning disability" which isn't great, but it's expected. Or sometimes you just have to say something else.

Step 3: Have you ever wanted to go to a real school?:

The first time you hear this it's surprising. What do they mean "real school? I'm still learning, I'm still doing everything else all the other kids are doing. I just get to do it in my pjs."

You hear this for years. Eventually you answer before they ask, yes or no.

Step 4: How do you make friends?:

This is the tricky one. When you go to a "real school" you say "Oh I just slowly talk to people."

When you are homeschooled you say "Oh I meet people by going to events."

Because for some reason homeschooled means sheltered, socially inept and unintelligent.

Step 5: What to wear.:

You either try to dress like everyone else and don't fit in. Or dress how you want and don't fit in.

Step 6: What do you want to do when you grow up?:

This one is easy when you are starting out because everyone expects a silly answer. But the next time you are asked it they want a "real" answer. Sometimes you answer with something realistic. Or sometimes you say "An author, artist, actor" or worse "a musician."

They will look at you with that curious zoo animal face again. "You must be good, how are you going to make money off of that?"

Step 7: How are you going to make money off of that?:

You are puzzled by this. How are you going to make money off of that? How are you going to make money off that? How are you going to make money?

You didn't care until they said that. It was your dream, who cared about the money? They did. And so should you.

Step 8: The rule book:

You didn't know there was going to be a test. No one told you there was gonna be a test. No one told you you needed to study. No one told you that being unique was wrong. No one told you no one was going to take you seriously unless you colored in the lines. No one told you how to write your name at the top of this essay. No one told you you had to make a follow up call. No one told you.

Step 9: What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you? Why doesn't anyone want you? You try and try and no one wants you. You work hard to prove you can still be like everyone else.

Step 10: Why?:

Why are you so different? Why does no one try to understand? Why can't anyone see how hard you try? Why are you so different? Why are you so different?

Step 11: There is nothing wrong with you:

You're different. You're an outcast. No one can understand you. But you are loved by few good ones. They can't always help. They still love you. They can't always understand. You are on your own. But you're not alone.

Step 12: There is no rule book.:

You tried to study. You took all the quizzes. You did all the tests. You still did not find the answers. No one taught you them. No one told you. Everyone thinks they have them but they don't. No one is really to blame. No one controls anyone. There is no rule book. Because the only one who needs to tell you is you.